jennee Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I know there has been some talk on here lately of the issue of confronting the other woman. Let my experience serve as a warning for anyone here thinking of doing it. My husband had stopped seeing the OW for a few months, but my anger at her (she was a good friend of mine) was unabated. I dreamed of a conflict with her, and had been told by a mutual friend of ours about lies she was spreading about me, and about how things were still going on between my husband and her. I couldn't handle it anymore and went over to her house. She invited me in and after a very heated verbal fight she pushed me, I slapped her and then horrifically we started fighting. We ended up on the floor, and she managed to get her upper legs around my neck in a very tight scissors with me facing her. She had a firm grip of my hair with one of her hands, and I could not move. She held me in this humiliating position for a good 15 minutes, and it was during this time that I came to an intense realization. What am I doing here? Why am I, a mother of a beautiful son and wife to a loving husband, here on the floor entangled with this lonely, desperate woman? Has my whole life come to this, where of all the things in the world I could be doing, I have locked up with the one woman in the world I cannot stand? Why have I let this woman, who had been emotionally dominating me for so long, also now physically dominate and humiliate me? She had turned the situation from something going on between my husband and I, to being all about her and I. And I walked right into it. She had become my whole world, pschologically, and now physically. There was nothing else I could physically see with my neck held between her upper legs EXCEPT HER awful gloating eyes. So again, here I am on the floor, and she said she would not let me go until I look her in the eyes and say she is the better woman. After holding out for 15 minutes, during which time she would squeeze her legs and make me gag for air, I finally had to concede and say it to her. This was the most humiliating, angering, frustrating and lowest point of my entire life, and she won. My scalp still hurts from where she ripped out the clump of hair she was holding my head with, and my neck is sore. But I learned something. I have better things to do than think about her, never contacted her again. So for all you women thinking of a confrontation, remember my incident, and stay away from her.
Ladyjane14 Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Never get into a physical confrontation with someone unless you're willing to do some damage. A hair-pulling catfight just becomes a wrestling match. If you had balled your fist up and socked her good and hard square on the nose, well... a broken nose will usually take the fight out of your opponent. That is, unless their intent is to kill you. That said, you've got to be willing to face the music legally. The cops will usually bust the one who inflicted the most damage unless it's REALLY clear that the other guy started it. Hard to prove when you're in her living room. But... I get your larger point and agree. The OM/OW is a waste of valuable brain-space, particularly at a time when we MOST need to manage our energy resources. Good post.
hollaxatholly Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 That's horrible....I'm sorry it turned in to that. That was pretty LOW of her to do that to you. Hasn't she caused you enough pain AND then to make you tell her she's better than you?! Thats reaaaaaally messed up. She's probably just mad because your husband is with you now. Don't let her mess you up. BUT atleast you got that out and realize that you have a beautiful daughter and a loving husband...and she's over there making you tell her shes better than you, just because she is maybe a little stronger physically. She should of been a little more considerate to your feelings, I would think. Some OW are ridiculous though and have no guilt. Anyways, now that you got that out, forget about her, don't let her ruin another day for you...just concentrate on making things better for you and your daughter and your husband!! ((((jennee))))
hollaxatholly Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Never get into a physical confrontation with someone unless you're willing to do some damage. A hair-pulling catfight just becomes a wrestling match. If you had balled your fist up and socked her good and hard square on the nose, well... a broken nose will usually take the fight out of your opponent. That is, unless their intent is to kill you. I would say it's not a good idea to get in a physical confrontation AT ALL no need for serious damage, or hair pulling and all that mess....it won't help anything ANYWAYS. She could of went to jail or anything else and that wouldn't be any good. Of course, I can't blame her for wanting to kick the OW's a--. There are better ways to handle it though. Maybe better to just call her...if your angry enough where it might turn into some mess like this. Of course, this OW sounds like she deserved it a little bit....holding her down until she told her she was better than her...that's just low.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 That's something I probably would not have done. What lies will she spread now? Don't feed into someone trying to sabotage you.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I know there has been some talk on here lately of the issue of confronting the other woman. Let my experience serve as a warning for anyone here thinking of doing it. My husband had stopped seeing the OW for a few months, but my anger at her (she was a good friend of mine) was unabated. I dreamed of a conflict with her, and had been told by a mutual friend of ours about lies she was spreading about me, and about how things were still going on between my husband and her. Thats terrible! But, I want you to see that no amount of ferocity or beastly strength will actually make her better than you! Actually she sounds disgustingly unladylike. Also, I want to point out that you may be blame shifting. Yes this woman is not a good person, but she didnt rape your husband! Or did she? She does sound kinda strong and manly. Did you notice an atoms apple at any point? Anyway, good people do good things. You do good actions, she doesnt. Your better, its a simple equation. When it comes to blame though, just remember she didnt pledge or vow anything to you! Your husband did!
abeliever Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 LJ Your a pill! I love it!!! LOL As for you. Wow, I know many times I wanted to have a run in with the 5th OW. ( in my case he had 5 A's) But then I would be in jail, and really they are right, its H fault not OW. Still does not take away that rage of wanting to beat the h_ll out of her anyway. LOL OW/OM usually get what is coming to them. I know some believe differently. I had one of H OW's tell me that he loved her more, he liked her kitty kat (sorry didn't want to spell it) better than mine, I was a witch and didn't clean house etc. All untrue of course. So my smart a$$ answer was if he is so into you why is he coming home to me every night and not staying with you? If he wants you I give my blessing. Who am I to stand in the way of "true love" (her words) She just sat on the phone shocked. I never heard from her again. It was a day later and they turned on each other. I guess she didn't get out of me what she wanted or him for that matter. LOL See, its not that OW/OM are less than we are. They are misinformed of what is really going on in OP marriages. Funny isn't it. All the A's and OW's say and do all the same things? Do they go to school for that? Just wondering. LOL abeliever
sillygirl32 Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 What a horrible experience for you. But I thank you for sharing... some times my emotions would like to take over and do the same thing that you did. I agree with LJ's post (such a wise woman...) Every time I start to have instense emotions directed at the OW (mostly hatred and disgust), I tell myself "why waste my energy on someone that I would never want to be like." You are such a better person just by being you. Hopefully, that helps.
bish Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Well when someone gets you in a position you cant do much with...pinch the hell out of them or bite them if you can. If someone gets you in a scissors hold with their legs, you can still turn your head slight enough to bite them right on the inside of their thighs.
Virgo1982 Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Well when someone gets you in a position you cant do much with...pinch the hell out of them or bite them if you can. If someone gets you in a scissors hold with their legs, you can still turn your head slight enough to bite them right on the inside of their thighs. I don't think I'd want to bite anyone. It doesn't seem wise. HIV is a serious problem. I would regret that terribly...
Star Gazer Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 What am I doing here? Why am I, a mother of a beautiful son and wife to a loving husband, here on the floor entangled with this lonely, desperate woman? What?!?! Loving husband my a$$! Where is your anger towards your husband?
hollaxatholly Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 What?!?! Loving husband my a$$! Where is your anger towards your husband? seriously.....i don't understand how most of the BS seem to act like the OW is such a criminal but then act like their husband is still okay. Sure, the OW isn't in the right but she probably isn't the one who started this, she isn't the one who married you and she isn't the one who lied to you. I can understand the need to try to blame the OW but....really...I don't think the OW deserves it. Take it out on your own husband....he's the main one at fault here, unless of course he was raped and seduced by this woman. (which, i'm almost positive they would like you to believe ) Your loving husband is the one who cheated on you, not her. Although, that still doesn't give her a right to make you feel like crap either...I hate that this comes to be some war against the woman involved, instead of what it's REALLY about...which is an unfaithful partner. Not a contest...
Trialbyfire Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Never get into a physical confrontation with someone unless you're willing to do some damage. Hit low, hard and get out fast. Leave facial scars whenever possible. I agree that physical violence is never the answer. You don't need to get into a catfight with someone to get your point across very, very clearly. No man is worth a catfight. If you choose to do a dressing down, make certain it's for yourself.
DazedandConfused66 Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 If you went to her house and attacked her then yes....that's called assault and trespassing. Depending on the state she resides in, she could have even used deadly force to prevent you from hurting her. Confrontation under emotional circumstances is never a good idea. Manslaughter conviction cases are filled with "crimes of passion" as the motive. I've sat on the jury for more than a few. You are lucky only your pride was hurt. I'm sorry for that loss, but thankful you have the ability to still post.
bish Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 I don't think I'd want to bite anyone. It doesn't seem wise. HIV is a serious problem. I would regret that terribly... Well then let someone kick the shiit out of you or even kill you then....its your choice.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Hit low, hard and get out fast. Leave facial scars whenever possible. You are possibly the only person on this site I'd be afraid to fight!
marlena Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Going there was a huge mistake!!!! Have you seen the movie "Infidelity" with Richard Gere? You put yourself in a frightfully dangerous position. As did she when she opened the door to you! If I were in her place, I would not have opened that door. I would have asked you to leave and if you insisted I would have called the police for tresspassing and harassment! You had no right to impose your presence on her more so in the refuge of her own home!! You could have requested to see her in a public place if you so needed to talk to her although something tells me you talking in a civilized manner was not your intention. Any self- respecting person with an ounce of class and education would not have resorted to such "terrorist" tactics! The person you should have confronted was your husband. Period. It astounds me to read that you a describe your husband as "a loving husband." I have seen this said time and time again by angry wives. I can only conclude that it hurts much less to delude oneself than it does to accept the stark reality of a situation. You reacted rashly and unwisely and dangerously!
luvmy2ns Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 I have seen this said time and time again by angry wives. I can only conclude that it hurts much less to delude oneself than it does to accept the stark reality of a situation. This was just mean, and the OP certainly didn't need anyone rubbing her nose in anything at this point.
NoIDidn't Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Any self- respecting person with an ounce of class and education would not have resorted to such "terrorist" tactics! You reacted rashly and unwisely and dangerously! I dunno Marlena. Your post was pretty harsh undeservedly. Any self-respecting person, eh? Terrorist tactics, you say? Why don't you just say that she only realized it after she had her a$$ handed to her since it seems your intent was to only add to the humiliation she already states she felt. You are being a little extreme here. She did it. She regrets it. And you dare to judge her for it? At least, she realizes it wasn't the brightest idea she ever had.
Virgo1982 Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 Well then let someone kick the shiit out of you or even kill you then....its your choice. All I was saying is that biting puts you at risk for HIV. So hostile...
Virgo1982 Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 Marlena Going there was a huge mistake!!!! Have you seen the movie "Infidelity" with Richard Gere? You put yourself in a frightfully dangerous position. As did she when she opened the door to you! If I were in her place, I would not have opened that door. I would have asked you to leave and if you insisted I would have called the police for tresspassing and harassment! You had no right to impose your presence on her more so in the refuge of her own home!! Please, she was probably glad to get the attention. Her actions reflect that. If she felt threatened, she would not have been trying to get her "repeat after me." As another member said, the OP realizes that it was a mistake now. It helped her realize that she was worth too much to put herself through the stress. I don't think she should regret it. As in, I don't think she should dwell on it and wish she could erase it. Every moment happens just once. We have no take-2's in life and we're all humans. You should only feel bad when you don't LEARN from your mistakes.
OpenBook Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 You guys aren't taking into account that the OW was a good friend of the W's... they had a close relationship with each other, regardless of the H. It's different, going over to her house, on the possible remnants of their friendship, as opposed to showing up at a complete stranger's house. And chances are, if the OW has AIDS, the W has already got it anyway... from their "common denominator".
marlena Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 Ok. I apologize to the OP if I have been too harsh. What's done is done. And yes, Open Book, I did overlook the fact that they were friends. That changes things of course. If encounters like this are to take place (I still think they are pointless) , they should do so in a public place to protect all parties involved. There's no telling what can happen when emotions are running so high and wild.
LifesontheUp Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 I guess I am one who didn't think that my husband was o.k. I believe they both were at fault and they both are to blame. She didn't cheat on my, but she HELPED to cause stress and harm to my family and hers. Just as he HELPED cause stress and harm to her family. The ow in my life wasn't the one who started the pursuit, but she didn't resist and willing opened her legs without little or no regard for me or her husband. My WS penis didn't accidentally fall in her opened vagina. He is the one I married and is ultimately who I hold accountable for the pain my family was caused, but she certainly bears her share of the responsibility. There is no need for there to be a war between us, she lost I won. MY FREEDOM and self respect. Wow BNB............we think alike My xH made his wedding vows to me as I did him therefore my anger/disgust was for him and no one else. Yes I agree that the OW played her part in the affair and she had her agenda too - money. Even though the OW sits about 5 feet away from me every day, I never felt the need to speak to her or look at her. Well ok, that may be a lie. I did think a couple of times that I should thank her for doing me a favour
Trialbyfire Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 You are possibly the only person on this site I'd be afraid to fight! I didn't take kick-boxing for no reason at all... Btw, I did have a private confrontation with the primary OW and a tri-party with my ex-H and the OW. Both confrontations were totally satisfying with no physicality involved. If you're going to confront, make certain you have your facts straight and deliver them in a way, form and manner that is the most effective. Never lose your cool and don't hold back for any reason. Always take the offensive...
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