bish Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 What he finds MOST unattractive (and I did too in a former FWB) was her lack of caring how she looks which led to the weight gain. If you care, it'll show; not in stretch marks or the "perkiness" of your boobs, which is not something a woman can do anything about, but in your lifestyle as well as your weight. She's going to get bigger and bigger if she doesn't change her ways. I'll bet you would NEVER invite a 200 lb woman out on a date. Not attracted? How shallow of you. We aren't talking about a 200lb woman here now are we? And he did say in his first post regarding his wife's weight that he is no longer attracted to her because she is no longer thin. His desire for her didn't diminish because of her "habits" it was the FACT that she is not the little thin thing she use to be. That was in his very first post...go back and read it. Oh yes...only after he got a right good spanking from some of us in that thread did he change his tune and then did it become about her "choices" in life. So again...it doesn't matter if they could help their appearance or not....stetch marks(which I know he didn't say so don't even harp on that again), men going bald...weight gain...whatever. His beef was he wasn't attracted to her anymore....so to my knowledge being attracted to someone isn't dependent on whether or not someone can help their condition. The elephant man couldn't help his condition.
luvmy2ns Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 We aren't talking about a 200lb woman here now are we? And he did say in his first post regarding his wife's weight that he is no longer attracted to her because she is no longer thin. No, we aren't talking about a 200 lb woman - yet. So it's obvious, then, that at 200 lbs it's okay, according to the almighty Bish, to find a woman unattractive. Why do YOU get to be the one to set the OP's standard on attractiveness in his wife? And is it better for the OP to wait until his wife is as fat as the weight at which YOU allow him to find her unattractive for him to say something?
luvmy2ns Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 so to my knowledge being attracted to someone isn't dependent on whether or not someone can help their condition. This is entirely untrue. I found my FWB attractive, despite his belly, but when I saw him wolfing down huge plates of food until he was moaning and holding his stomach and THEN 1/2 hour later asking for ice cream and then having to listen to his gastroinestinal noises while his stomach was stretching itself to the limits... Lemme tell ya, THAT was the HUGEST turnoff in the world! His gluttony and lack of self control. So you're wrong. Sorry.
norajane Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 With a husband, (mine anyway) it is meals that he finds satisying- things with cheese, lots of starches, and until recently, meat. With a husband, it is not uncommon for us to have drinks at home- lots of wine My husband is not active at all, and apparently he doesn't have to be. I used to ask him to work out with me... Nope. I would prefer to walk to the store but, no, he thinks thats nuts so we drive when we go places together. He may be thin now, but if he's not exercising and he's eating and drinking like that, then he's at risk of clogging his arteries and having a heart attack. His body fat percentage is probably too high, even if he is thin. He has no muscle, because he's doing nothing to develop and maintain muscle. He is what is known as 'skinny fat'. If you are going to put yourself through all that just to get a six pack or whatever, I think it's only fair that you suggest he go to see a doctor for a complete physical and blood work. I guarantee his cholesterol and triglycerides will be sky high. Then see what he does with that knowledge. If he does nothing, then you know his concern is not about physical activity for you health - it's all about how you look. Also, I started taking birth control. Yep, the hormones in bc pills can cause weight gain in some women. Around 5-10 pounds. Which is all you gained - and have now pretty much lost. You could suggest going off the pills and using condoms. Would he like that better?
Not_Juliet Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 I'm sorry you're going through all this with your husband. I am far from being married, but I couldn't imagine living with someone who is so unrelenting about weight. You sound like you have a perfect body type and weight and I think if you tell him that you are happy how you look and are working to keep it, it will wake him up. Definitely let him know it hurt you... I really have no good advice to offer, but I hope this thread gets back on track for your sake.
bish Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 This is entirely untrue. I found my FWB attractive, despite his belly, but when I saw him wolfing down huge plates of food until he was moaning and holding his stomach and THEN 1/2 hour later asking for ice cream and then having to listen to his gastroinestinal noises while his stomach was stretching itself to the limits... Lemme tell ya, THAT was the HUGEST turnoff in the world! His gluttony and lack of self control. So you're wrong. Sorry. Uh..no..I'm not...I said attractiveness isn't dependent on whether someone can help their condition OR not....did ya get the OR part? so if your husband got a disease that ate all his flesh off his face and he looked like something out of a horror flick....you'd still be attracted to him? that would be beyond his control. I think you need to learn how to comprehend what you read just a little better.
bish Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 I'm sorry you're going through all this with your husband. I am far from being married, but I couldn't imagine living with someone who is so unrelenting about weight. You sound like you have a perfect body type and weight and I think if you tell him that you are happy how you look and are working to keep it, it will wake him up. Definitely let him know it hurt you... I really have no good advice to offer, but I hope this thread gets back on track for your sake. Well...if she wants to feel good about herself...she can get some help with a diet plan and exercise...but do it for herself...NOT for him. then if/when she gets that perfect "skinny" little body..and he does a 180 and all of a sudden has the hots for her again...i'd sit him down and have a talk with him....starting something like, "ah...so NOW you want me eh?...wasn't good enough for you before?" Hell...she may even decide he isn't worthy of her new body, get rid of him and find someone that will love her no matter if her weight fluctuates or not.
Racquel Colette Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 I just suspect you're overweight, which is why you bash people so hard on this issue. Bish is alway setting out to piss people off, and everyone on LS knows that but you. You are bashing me right now. I am not overweight and am not bashing anyone. Where did I bash anyone? You are the one doing the bashing just because someone has a differing opinion than your own. Just because ours is different, doesn't mean we're wrong. All Bish and I are saying (Bish, correct me if I'm wrong) is suggesting that the original poster see his wife's innerself and work on loving her instead of seeing it as her problem. It isn't her problem, it's his problem because his love is tied to look, more specifically his wife having a superslim body. We are talking about a woman who is not overweight by any means. Also I gave a good example of love and what it is about with my sister and her husband. She could go up to a size 14 and he would still love her. Love endures and is deeper than a dress size. This is all I have stated, and Bish has done no bashing whatsoever. I fail to see how I have bashed anyone, either. However, you have bashed continuously simply because we don't agree with YOUR point of view.
luvmy2ns Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 She could go up to a size 22 dress as well. The OP's wife in the related thread has already gained another 3 pounds since he started it. How big should he wait for her to be? As for my disagreeing with anyone, OMG! You have done nothing for the OP advice-wise in that thread. Absolutely nothing but slam, slam away.
norajane Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 Hijacking this thread to argue about your arguments in a different thread isn't really helping the OP of this thread.
bish Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 She could go up to a size 22 dress as well. The OP's wife in the related thread has already gained another 3 pounds since he started it. How big should he wait for her to be? As for my disagreeing with anyone, OMG! You have done nothing for the OP advice-wise in that thread. Absolutely nothing but slam, slam away. sure we did...we told him to lay off of her...but he doesn't want to do that. for gods sake, the man even said he's going to be watching her plate over the holidays!!!
bish Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 Hijacking this thread to argue about your arguments in a different thread isn't really helping the OP of this thread. I know it, but the man doesn't want anyone's advice that doesn't allow him to run her diet like he's a prison guard. I imagine she is in hell with this guy.
littlekitty Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 I know it, but the man doesn't want anyone's advice that doesn't allow him to run her diet like he's a prison guard. I imagine she is in hell with this guy. Then advise him of that on HIS thread. OP: I feel for you. I can't imagine what it would be like to be approached like that by your husband. Both my H and I gain/lose weight dependant on how much we are training/eating healthy at any time. We allow ourselves down time from the gruelling routine at times. Never - even when he's in training and I'm not - has he ever told me I look anything other than beautiful. He loves me for me regardless of a gain or loss of 12 pounds. Does your hubby realise how much he's hurt you? I think you need to make sure he does, and you need to explain to him the reasons why you may have gained some weight, like you did in your post.
bish Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 Then advise him of that on HIS thread. This is a topic where the issue is pretty much the same. By talking about it in HER thread, she can see that we don't agree with the way HER husband is treating her. Her husband needs a dose of reality. Its great that he can be a lazy doof and eat anything he wants and not gain weight...but some people's metabolism isn't as forgiving. I'd love to see the day when he balloons up and his lazy butt has to sweat his arse off on a treadmill.
Try2BeSupportive Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 Like I said earlier in this thread, I would describe the OP's husband as being un-necessarily cruel towards his new wife. It has been a very short time span and her weight has not change all that much, so I wonder why he must be so vocal, so soon? Never - even when he's in training and I'm not - has he ever told me I look anything other than beautiful. He loves me for me regardless of a gain or loss of 12 pounds. Agree that life has ups and downs and it is not always possible to stay exactly on track, particularly if you describe your exercise as "training" (that suggests a level of effort far beyond typical). But folks seem divided on this tough question: is there a number at which you would feel your partner's weight gain was becoming unattractive? 12 pounds to me seems not so much, but what about say 60 pounds? If he gained 60 pounds would you notice his lack of "training" and all the extra food he must be eating? At what point do you notice this? At what point to you approach your spouse? And how to do that in a non-cruel manner? Does your hubby realise how much he's hurt you? I think you need to make sure he does, and you need to explain to him the reasons why you may have gained some weight, like you did in your post. Agree - like I said before you should ask him to apologize for his cruel remarks.
Racquel Colette Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 She could go up to a size 22 dress as well. The OP's wife in the related thread has already gained another 3 pounds since he started it. How big should he wait for her to be? As for my disagreeing with anyone, OMG! You have done nothing for the OP advice-wise in that thread. Absolutely nothing but slam, slam away. I am sorry but I fail to see where I am slamming, whereas you on the otherhand have bashed me based on my own weight (which you do not know), and my (and other's) intelligence because they are offering insight which differs from your own. His wife right now is not a size 22. Three pounds are very transitory, I gain 5 just from that time of the month or the time of day it is, morning to night I am a different weight. Also since you are the fitness guru, when you are working out, you are gaining muscle and because of that one sometimes gains poundwise before they lose because muscle weighs more.
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