jesmel Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Hello. Its been a while since I last posted. Still together with my MM. As time passes so quickly, I have been thinking so much about getting out of this R. I guess I am almost numb about him being married and that scares me. I really dont know what kind of advice i am asking for. Maybe I just neede to get some of this stuff out.
nadiaj2727 Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Hi Jesmel, I think this means it's been too long: I guess I am almost numb about him being married and that scares me. It seems like you didn't start out wanting to stay with a married man. I'm not sure of your individual circumstances but if this relationship isn't turning out the way you want it too, it's never too early to step back and say, this is not good for me, I need out (just like in any relationship... but the fact that you're almost numb to him being married SHOULD scare you even more in this situation, because you don't want to continue feeling upset for being with a married man one more day, week, month, etc.)
GreenEyedLady Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 What is making you evaluate your R? Are your needs being met? Are you wanting more? Do you love him?
Author jesmel Posted November 14, 2007 Author Posted November 14, 2007 Yes, I do love him very much. What is making me re-thinkk our relationship is my mom. To make a very long story short, She has cancer and it does not look good. I realize that things are not going to change between my MM and I want to be with someone who does not have to drop me off somewhere because a family friend is around. Another long story.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I think I remember your story now... First, I am so sorry to hear about your mother...I can't imagine what it would be like to be in your shoes...(((HUGS))) If you want someone who will not treat you how he is treating you, then you should find someone who will treat you the way you want to be treated...I believe that people will treat you in a way that they can get away with unless you demand that they treat you better... So if you do not want to end it just yet, as you say you love him very much, have you talked to him about it? Is there another way he can meet your needs or can you come to a compromise of some sorts that is to your approval? If you don't care to salvage the R or are just sick of it then you should find someone who will be able to make you happy...You are not asking for much my friend, don't settle for less...
Author jesmel Posted November 14, 2007 Author Posted November 14, 2007 You are right. I wonder how is it that I want some sort of "committment" from him when he and I are in this sort of relationship. Is that a normal feeling to have, because it sounds so stupid to me.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 You are right. I wonder how is it that I want some sort of "committment" from him when he and I are in this sort of relationship. Is that a normal feeling to have, because it sounds so stupid to me. I don't think it's stupid at all...My partner and I are committed to each other...But I don't think people understand it unless it has happened to them... But he has to want to make that committment to you and your R...He can do that by meeting your needs...If he's not meeting your needs and not willing to try, then it sounds like you need a better boyfriend...
Author jesmel Posted November 14, 2007 Author Posted November 14, 2007 I finally realized that he is not meeting my needs. I need to talk with him. That makes me sad. I do need more from him. Not necessarily him leaving his W, but I do need more.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I finally realized that he is not meeting my needs. I need to talk with him. That makes me sad. I do need more from him. Not necessarily him leaving his W, but I do need more. Decide exactly what you want, and then talk to him about it...If he won't give you what you need, then walk...He needs to know that you mean business...And he needs to see what it's like when you're not in his life...
Author jesmel Posted November 14, 2007 Author Posted November 14, 2007 Ive often let myself wonder about that. I know how he gets when he doen not see me. Not very nice. I am going to collect my thoughts and discusss it with him. Thanks so ver much. I do appreciate it more than you think. and thanks for the hugs. It is hard to see my mother go through this crap.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Ive often let myself wonder about that. I know how he gets when he doen not see me. Not very nice. I am going to collect my thoughts and discusss it with him. Thanks so ver much. I do appreciate it more than you think. and thanks for the hugs. It is hard to see my mother go through this crap. Good luck! I think that's the best thing you can do if you still love him...Give him a chance to make it better and if he messes that up, then go to the OW PlanB... Your welcome for the hugs! You need them. GEL
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