birdie Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 I have a good friend I have known for about 3 years now. He is the brother of one of my closer friends' and this is how I know him. We have always had some mutual appreciation going on from day one but never acted on it even when both of us were single.... until Saturday night. Not much happened actually, only some kisses and general good time. He freaked out a little bit, especially as I am friends with his sister but I knew I wouldn't take him home that night so I was cool and I just went home. We both have one night stands time to time, we are used to casual sex and this was never going to be anything serious. No big deal. The morning after I had to fly out to another country so I couldn't speak to him but sent him an email explaining that it was all cool, I had a very good time, enjoyed his company but this was it for me and he didn't have to worry about ruining our circle of friends or his sister finding out. I also told him that I didn't think a couple of kisses would get in the way of our friendship. It is a genuine friendship, we talk about all sorts of things. I am also leaving the country for a year or so in about 10 days time and he knows about that, we discussed my plans in great detail about 2 weeks ago. He even suggested his company could help me with certain things. So basically, while I know email wasn't the best way to talk, it was the only possibility for me and to be honest I had thought that he would be happy that we could get back to normal and just chalk it up to too much booze/treat it as experience/etc I haven't heard from him though. Not a word. I don't really understand what the problem is? I don't think there is anything else I can do, is there? I don't want to leave things unresolved but this could turn out to be the way because I really don't know what else I can do. Any advice please? By the way, the reason why I wouldn't go out with him (apart from my leaving the country for a while) is mainly that he is a player, he is a cool friend but makes a terrible boyfriend. He knows I don't like that side of him so he has never been under any illusions. Besides, he talks to girls all the time, he doesn't need me as a lover but he confides in me as a friend and I know for certain he values my friendship. I really am puzzled as to why he isn't talking to me. I thought he would be relieved that there is no conflict!
norajane Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 I don't think there's anything more you can do. You aren't leaving things unresolved - he is. He's probably reverting to his typical way of dealing with what he feels is an awkward situation...he uses silence and retreat to avoid dealing with it and let things blow over. Lots of guys do that. Or, he might think everything is fine and not unresolved - your email basically told him things were fine as far as you're concerned.
jerbear Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 You consider him a player, why should he play along when it is your rules not his? As a "friend" he has no reason to chat and can wait till you get back.
Author birdie Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 thanks guys. it turned out to be much ado about nothing and miscommunication (he had only a mobile phone for days, no email, I only had email, no mobile) and all is cool, we have been in touch since. I know norajane what you mean about men going silent and it annoys me when they do that rather then have things out in the open (although this wasn't a big deal). luckily my friend is not like that, he doesn't think it's awkward and he is cool.
Recommended Posts