tikster Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 well i was on here months ago bout my ex who broke up with me b-cuz his parents didn't like me (we are of different cultures). he immediately started dating someone like 3 days after he dumped me. 5months later he dumped her and we started talking again. i never got over the fact that he dated her like two days after dumping me. he eventually wanted something intimate, like friends with benefits thing, but i told him that i wanted an actual, stable relationship. he continuously called me and we messed around (i kno stupid me) i thought that we would work on developing our relationship because we agreed to see how things developed. a month into it i feel reall unstable and insecure. he never asked me out on dates, just messing around after work. so, one night i got in his car and i didn't feel right at all. so i told him that this didn;t feel right and i wanted a relationship or at least to work on developing one if i was going to keep giving myself to him. i was dumb and eventually broke down about his "ex" and basically told him that i was still pissed that he gave her the relationship i wanted from him that he never and now didn't want to give me and i walked out. well, i broke down and emailed him to tell him that i missed him and to basically explain how i felt without my emotional breakdown and he wrote back telling me that he's done with me and that i would now be missing out on something good and it;s impossible to get back. we haven't talked for a month now and it still hurts even though i kno that we can't be together. did i ruin something he made it sound like it was my fault n i rushed him blah blah blah. i think he may be seeing someone else now. i don;t kno. he just continuously hurts me and i feel like he's always able to forget me b-cuz he can easily get new girls while i sit here and be sad over this jerk. talk some sense into me pleaze!!
MattyTee Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Hey Tikster, Firstly, regardless of the cultural differences I would say that anyone that dumps someone else because their parents don't like them needs their head examining, especially if after something else doesn't work out he's looking for a 'friends with benefits' kind of situation. I think you are absolutely right to put your foot down and say "No, I want more". You have every right to stand up for yourself and for what you want. I hate to say this - and I'm usually not good at just saying things down the line - but it seems like he was using you. Please don't feel like this is your fault, you have to respect yourself more than that. You aren't the bad 'guy' here! Keep posting if it helps And, remember that not all guys are like that, you'll find a guy that's respectful and will treat you well. You aren't missing out on anything, seriously!
ninjaturtles Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Yeah, sounds like he was using you. I hate to say so....it seems like it. In all honesty, since his parents did not like you, there would have been no point in contiuning in the relationship or FWB or whatever..simply because there was no future in it....The longer time spent with someone, the more painful thebreakup....Its best for you that its over now. He wanted to keep messing about but did not want a relationship..I think it is clear what his motives are/were. You still have feelings for him, you are vulnerable to him, however please try to see things clearly. He was eating his cake and having it. It hurts, its painful..however its best it ended now....Put it all in the past and keep on walking away with your dignity..... No, you did not do anything wrong..you simply acted the way a decent girl who had a feelings for ex would.....Dont beat yourself over this one..I have loada of friends who have been in this position before...friends with benefits with thier exes..Not the way foward..avoid it avoid it avoid it like a plague. Stay strong dear..you will find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve..PLEASE dont look back, dont call him etc. He will only respect you more.xxx
Author tikster Posted November 17, 2007 Author Posted November 17, 2007 thank you guys for your responses. i all honesty i was looking for someone to just blurt out "he was using you!" because for a minute there i thought i was that one being clingy or scared him off or something. so, i'm actually glad that i'm not crazy and i did the right thing. i just kinda wish that i could find a decent guy. i'm really just upset that this jerk can always find a girl and forget whatever just happened with the last person he was with.
MattyTee Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 You aren't crazy and you did the right thing! (just in case you need any more affirmation) A decent guy will come along, you don't need to worry about that. Spend some time rebuilding that independence and love for yourself. Don't worry about what he's doing, be thankful that you aren't like that. Be good to yourself.
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