Author andysw Posted November 17, 2007 Author Posted November 17, 2007 Hi. I've missed church services a lot cause I'm in school too. What works better for me are going to the ladies bible study cause it's more fun (sorry preachers) and the women who go have become like my Grandmas and Moms,which is nice. It's sad that the people treated you like that. Church is about relationships, primarily and most importantly one's relationship with God, and then relationships with others. That's why Jesus says that the greatest commandment is to love God with all of you (i'm paraphrasing) and then to love others like you love yourself. If they are not showing God's love for you, that is their problem. Please don't let it hurt your relationship with God though,cause He loves you no matter what others do or don't do. Anyways, no please don't be ashamed. When you can, it'd be good to get more involved in a way that you feel comfortable and can enjoy worshipping God and learning about Him together with others. Interactive Bible studies I think are really cool in this way, cause then you can get to know other people and they can get to know you and support and care for you. Somtimes sermons and services are so boring cause all you do is sit there and then afterwards just go home, whereas Bible studies and some Sunday School classes you can talk and study interactively, which is fun! Maybe if you look into your college, you will find a students Bible study? Peace and God bless Are you saying that attending to bible classes is church?
elaina Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 To me it is... how come church has to be services and sermons? That's not how church in the New Testament was, even though yeah there were some preachers, but if you look in Acts 2, it was mostly about relationships - with God and with others, and they took care of each other and praised God together. Why do people need to be so formal about it? Sometimes churches and services can be the most stuffy and unloving places, so what good is that? Acts 2: (NIV) " 42They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." Bible studies have helped me a lot cause I see people (particularly women but that's ok with me cause I am one ) living out their beliefs, cause we pray for each other and it's not ceremonial prayer, and they get together to make food for the sick and the poor and they read the Bible together and talk and laugh and eat brownies it's a lot of fun!! That's what church is about to me... and when if God wills my boyfriend and I are ready, I would like to attend bible studies with him for dating couples... its' cool to be interactive, dont' you think?
disgracian Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 It's not that simple to stop going to that church. If I tell my parents they'd be furious and lecture me. They're more likely to say that satan is influencing me. How old are you if you don't mind me asking? At some point you have to make your own decisions in life. Believe me when I say I'm not being glib about this: I know more than a couple of people who have been cut off from their families entirely for turning their back on church (sometimes they are even pressured by the rest of the church to do this). I'm aware of the consequences. That's no small thing. Neither, however, is living a lie. You have to be true to yourself and those who can't handle that or don't want to know you because of it are, quite frankly, weighing you down. If you believe in God & Jesus and all that and want to find a better church, then I urge you to do so. If you don't believe any of this stuff anymore, just stop going and be yourself. It's better in the long run. Cheers, D.
Author andysw Posted November 17, 2007 Author Posted November 17, 2007 How old are you if you don't mind me asking? At some point you have to make your own decisions in life. Believe me when I say I'm not being glib about this: I know more than a couple of people who have been cut off from their families entirely for turning their back on church (sometimes they are even pressured by the rest of the church to do this). I'm aware of the consequences. That's no small thing. Neither, however, is living a lie. You have to be true to yourself and those who can't handle that or don't want to know you because of it are, quite frankly, weighing you down. If you believe in God & Jesus and all that and want to find a better church, then I urge you to do so. If you don't believe any of this stuff anymore, just stop going and be yourself. It's better in the long run. Cheers, D. I'm late-17. Reluctantly turning 18 next month. I'm very aware that in my age I'm old enough to make my own decisions, but having the decision to quit my church is too much my parents could handle. Yes, I do believe in the Lord entirely, and I'm also baptised (since 14). I don't know if making this decision was a way, since I pray for more friends. I feel screwed up right now every time I think about this. My birthday's on 23rd december, which is on sunday next month. I'm more concerned about that cus I'll be spending the day at church, going through the same depressing routine.
disgracian Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 As long as you know that, sooner or later, you're going to have to cut the umbilical chord and do what's right for you no matter what your parents think. You can't coddle them for the rest of their lives. That is most likely inevitable, and has nothing to do with what my opinion is. What is my opinion (which you can feel free to disregard) is that it's best done sooner rather than later. There will be wailing, there will be gnashing of teeth. There will be repercussions and soforth. But time is a great healer. The sooner you do it, the sooner they'll get over it (if they will at all). Cheers, D.
Author andysw Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 As long as you know that, sooner or later, you're going to have to cut the umbilical chord and do what's right for you no matter what your parents think. You can't coddle them for the rest of their lives. That is most likely inevitable, and has nothing to do with what my opinion is. What is my opinion (which you can feel free to disregard) is that it's best done sooner rather than later. There will be wailing, there will be gnashing of teeth. There will be repercussions and soforth. But time is a great healer. The sooner you do it, the sooner they'll get over it (if they will at all). Cheers, D. It would be really difficult for me to do that, cus my parent's are really narrow minded and make up decisions for me while I'm not allowed to make my own. One time, my parents booked me to camp without consulting me about it. And when I was 13 they even tried to force me in getting baptised when I didn't want to just yet.
JamesM Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 And when I was 13 they even tried to force me in getting baptised when I didn't want to just yet. I am guessing that this kinda nullifies the reason for baptism. Isn't it supposed to be a baptism that you receive when you have "decided" for Jesus? It is not supposed to be done as a show of admittance into a particular church if you don't feel that in your heart. Personally, I think earlier is not always better. Rushing to a decision that will have great ramifications on your life is never wise, and especially at your young age. I know that you feel you are an adult, and you are, but yet there is much experience as an adult that is needed. Decisions should be made slowly when we lack the experience. I don't know what your church is nor which you would prefer, but the issue is not which church based on acceptance but based on which is preaching the Christian truth. While acceptance is an issue, it should not be the first deciding issue. People are different. Interestingly enough, if I was in your shoes, then I would have preferred the fact that they ignored me. I would not want a big fuss made of me because "the wayward son is home again." Some of those who ignored you may have done so because this is what they would have preferred. My suggestion is...research why you want a different church, do you want a church, and what do you want in a church. When you have discovered the answers, you may realize which direction to go. Should you be ashamed for not attending? Depends...you know your heart. Should the people of your church made you feel ashamed? Absolutely not. They should have welcomed you with open arms. Their actions however do not interpret their thoughts towards you.
disgracian Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I didn't say it wouldn't be difficult, and I'd definitely have a contingency plan if they did something extreme (which sounds very likely). I suppose it's up to you, how long you think you can tolerate being treated like a child, and how long you can tolerate having your spirit drained by a church that you feel no sense of belonging towards. Weigh up the pros and cons. Is it likely they'll kick you out of home and cut you off? If so, is it worth it and are you prepared? Cheers, D.
elaina Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I am guessing that this kinda nullifies the reason for baptism. Isn't it supposed to be a baptism that you receive when you have "decided" for Jesus? It is not supposed to be done as a show of admittance into a particular church if you don't feel that in your heart. Personally, I think earlier is not always better. Rushing to a decision that will have great ramifications on your life is never wise, and especially at your young age. I know that you feel you are an adult, and you are, but yet there is much experience as an adult that is needed. Decisions should be made slowly when we lack the experience. I don't know what your church is nor which you would prefer, but the issue is not which church based on acceptance but based on which is preaching the Christian truth. While acceptance is an issue, it should not be the first deciding issue. People are different. Interestingly enough, if I was in your shoes, then I would have preferred the fact that they ignored me. I would not want a big fuss made of me because "the wayward son is home again." Some of those who ignored you may have done so because this is what they would have preferred. My suggestion is...research why you want a different church, do you want a church, and what do you want in a church. When you have discovered the answers, you may realize which direction to go. Should you be ashamed for not attending? Depends...you know your heart. Should the people of your church made you feel ashamed? Absolutely not. They should have welcomed you with open arms. Their actions however do not interpret their thoughts towards you. That's very true and also good advice. Andy when I was young I used to hate church. The reason I did was because I thought it was so excruciatingly painfully boring just sitting there and listening, and I'm a night owl so in the morning I'd be so drowsy it would be torture not to fall asleep! and yeah as an added torture those pews are not at all comfy. I had friends in the church but that didn't make it any less boring, and I would get in trouble for talking and passing notes and all that stuff, until I got to know God in a more real way to me through Jesus! That's not been all that long ago and even though it's still hard for me to sit still through a sermon, I do LOVE women's Bible studies, and no sorry Bible studies aren't so much classes, they are more an interactive get together to study the Bible and pray together. Anyways I know you wouldn't be interested in a women's Bible study which is fine but there are men's prayer groups that usually go out and eat breakfast together (there's something about men and breakfast?) and teen groups that do cool stuff and have awesome meetings where teens praise God and learn and have fun together and I wonder, if you told your parents that you want to grow and become passionate for Christ with others and you are not wanitng to hurt their feelings but you don't feel that their church is for you, would that be a possibility? It is very sad if you feel like you cannot tell them something about how you feel, but as your parents I would assume that they would want the best for you and they would want you to be happy and on fire for God, regardless of where that is?
disgracian Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 but as your parents I would assume that they would want the best for you and they would want you to be happy and on fire for God, regardless of where that is? Andy's parents sound like the type who decide what is best for their children even if it isn't, and won't listen to anyone or anything that says otherwise. Who else forces their children into baptism for goodness sake? Cheers, D.
JamesM Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Andy's parents sound like the type who decide what is best for their children even if it isn't, and won't listen to anyone or anything that says otherwise. Who else forces their children into baptism for goodness sake? Cheers, D. I agree, but as a parent I know we do make many wrong decisions. Hearing this from his side this doesn't seem wise. His parents may know this as well...now. I am guessing that their over riding motive would be that he feels and knows that he is saved by grace through Jesus Christ. While they may have pushed him at that time, they may have had reasons that he has not told us. Now he has reached the age where he does need to make his own decision. I think it should be done with much thought and research.
Author andysw Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 To be quite frank, I live a rather difficult life as long as they keep living. Now and then that my parents make decisions for me I can't be independant. I think the problem with them is that they don't ever put themselves onto my shoes or see things through my point of view. They believe whatever they think I might be going through. You see, my parents are hard-headed, especially my mum. My mum is always depressed and doesn't even try to think positively. You see, my mum's mentally/physically ill, which results his negativity. My mum usually takes her negativity out of me. Just today, I literally walked out of the kitchen in the middle of dinner because I couldn't take much more of her attitude and frankly was sick of it. My parents are always depressed around the house from then and now, and I believe this is the core reason of my motive and well being.
elaina Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 To be quite frank, I live a rather difficult life as long as they keep living. Now and then that my parents make decisions for me I can't be independant. I think the problem with them is that they don't ever put themselves onto my shoes or see things through my point of view. They believe whatever they think I might be going through. You see, my parents are hard-headed, especially my mum. My mum is always depressed and doesn't even try to think positively. You see, my mum's mentally/physically ill, which results his negativity. My mum usually takes her negativity out of me. Just today, I literally walked out of the kitchen in the middle of dinner because I couldn't take much more of her attitude and frankly was sick of it. My parents are always depressed around the house from then and now, and I believe this is the core reason of my motive and well being. I'm sorry that your parents are depressed and depressing you. It's not your fault one little bit though and don't ever think that it is or let them put the blame on you. I'm also sorry for your Mom's physical/mental sickness. I know people with physical and mental illness and they are happy becasue they choose to be and know happiness isn't just a circumstancial thing. Even though physical/mental illness is hard and painful, that doesn't mean that life shouldn't be fun and filled with joy and laughter! Even people who have hurts in their lives and bodies can also have fun and enjoy life, though it is harder and it means many times they have to make harder acts of will to be happy. You're older now and sooner or later you're gonna have to break away from your parents. That doesn't mean to stop loving them, they need your love, but don't let them affect your attitude. Happiness in life is a choice that is not based on circumstances but rather on our invidual decisions in deciding to be happy and content. Even though I'm sure it will be hard and they will give you grief over it, you need to stand up for yourself. It's great you are going to college. Get ready to get out on your own and then go, and when you talk to your parents, be polite with them but don't let them govern your life. Right now, just get ready to get a job, a car, an apartment, and college is a great way to get prepared so congratulations in going and do your best! Also, I still think it might be good if you lookined around online for a church in your area that isn't your parents' church. See if there's anything of interest going on and I think it'd be good if you got in contact with a church that isn't too conservative and that knows how to have fun in healthy ways with people your age!!! There are many wonderful people in many churches who are truly good people who will accept you and help you out if you they only know you. Yes it is important to respect your parents and I personally think you can respect them but not agree with them and since you are getting older soon you will be on your own which I think will help a lot more since you won't need to depend on them, so yeah definitely work to independence and don't give up hope! Someday things will get better but it's each person's choice how they deal with their own problems. I'll be praying for you and I'm sure many Christians on this site will too! Please know that God loves you and even though we dont' understand why many times He allows trials into people's lives, you can overcome with God's help and you can make up your mind to be happy and enjoy life despite your parents, and even love them despite their hurts and failings. Peace and God bless.
Author andysw Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 Thank you, elaina. It's kinda funny when thinking back, that I was noticed by some few people because of my absence. Most prominently one of them even talked to me whenever I was at church, even msn. Though a little shy I was because of my lack of experience with girls. Now that some-what form of friendship is dead after a couple of months later, I regret that I didn't take it as seriously as I should've. Some say that God's love is an obstacle for me in life. Whatever I'm experiencing (whether is positive/negative) it's God's love. I feel that I can't handle the obstacles that God setted me. I feel that I'm going through too much, and that my world is being unstablized. I still feel that I need to go to a new church in order for me to be happy in groups, but I really don't know if this is dishonourable.
disgracian Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 I can't think how it could be dishonourable. I presume only your parents would hold this view anyway. Cheers, D.
Yosef Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 Some say that God's love is an obstacle for me in life. Whatever I'm experiencing (whether is positive/negative) it's God's love. I feel that I can't handle the obstacles that God setted me. I feel that I'm going through too much, and that my world is being unstablized. I still feel that I need to go to a new church in order for me to be happy in groups, but I really don't know if this is dishonourable. God has never and will never place you in a position without giving you the necessary tools to survive. Allow him to work through you, and you may do all things through him. YOU may not be able to handle the obstacles. They're not God's design if they only bring you pain and suffering. God gives you the strength to overcome any obstacle, but you must ask him first, and you must put your faith in him that he can help you through these hard times. Sorry for sounding preachy, I can tend to do that on accident:p It is certainly not dishonorable to change churches. If you are in a church that prevents your growth, then by all means, find a better church. If someone asks you or ridicules you by saying, "Why are you changing churches," just be respectful and reply with a similar version of, "I can't grow into the person God wants me to be here" or something of your own design, that was only a suggestion. And if "Why not?" comes up, respectfully give the reasons why you want to move to a different church. There's no need to lie. Some people learn differently from others, and therefore the learning atmosphere works better for different people. Your church might not be the right atmosphere for you.
Author andysw Posted November 22, 2007 Author Posted November 22, 2007 God has never and will never place you in a position without giving you the necessary tools to survive. Allow him to work through you, and you may do all things through him. YOU may not be able to handle the obstacles. They're not God's design if they only bring you pain and suffering. God gives you the strength to overcome any obstacle, but you must ask him first, and you must put your faith in him that he can help you through these hard times. Sorry for sounding preachy, I can tend to do that on accident:p It is certainly not dishonorable to change churches. If you are in a church that prevents your growth, then by all means, find a better church. If someone asks you or ridicules you by saying, "Why are you changing churches," just be respectful and reply with a similar version of, "I can't grow into the person God wants me to be here" or something of your own design, that was only a suggestion. And if "Why not?" comes up, respectfully give the reasons why you want to move to a different church. There's no need to lie. Some people learn differently from others, and therefore the learning atmosphere works better for different people. Your church might not be the right atmosphere for you. I don't think I can ever recover from my current church. How do I tell my parents that I'm not happy going to the church because it makes me unhappy? My parents are the kind that don't comprehend my emotions. How do I tell them without bringing disappointment to them?
Yosef Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 So, they're pretty unempathetic parents... You may decide to take this advice or not, or just wait to see if anything else comes up. Tell your parents that, in your current church, you feel that you can't grow into the person God wants you to be, and that you feel it's necessary to try out different churches. Even parents who aren't aware of other people's feelings should still understand if they're pretty strong believers. This is also a truth. There are multiple different kinds of a christian church, each with different learning styles. Two examples are the "old-fashioned" churches that speak through scripture and you sing thousand-year-old hymns from cheesy hymnals, and there are contemporary churches that speak about your daily living and how God applies to it here and now and you sing more to-date music. These are the two that I've experienced so far, and the second really turned around my outlook on church. It's now much more fun and understandable now that I've joined a more contemporary one. Of course, there are other kinds of churches out there, so I pray that you can find the church that makes you happier and closer to God.
Author andysw Posted November 23, 2007 Author Posted November 23, 2007 So, can bible classes be church? Can you be your own church? I'm just wondering.
Yosef Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 So, can bible classes be church? Can you be your own church? I'm just wondering. Well, crinago recently stated nicely that a church is not a building, but a people of common religious faith. Our faith is the foundation of the church, not the bricks and earthly materials we are accustomed to. So, a bible class can technically be a church. As for being your own personal church, I don't know:confused: I suppose as long as you're a believer and you choose to worship God in your own home/office/club, then I don't see why not.
lonelybird Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 So, can bible classes be church? Can you be your own church? I'm just wondering. right now I am not in any group, just watch church channel each day at home, I think that the church at my area is quite dull, sorry, maybe Lord will lead me to a group he wants me to be one day. our body is temple, holy Spirit dwell in us, when we pray and holy spirit minister to us, that is a church, church can be everywhere, you can carry church to anywhere you go. I am sure group of people get together should be the way, just now I don't feel right thing for me, maybe I am wrong anyway, sounds try different churches is good idea, it is not convert to other religions, and you can see what other churches look like, you may find one you really like
Letranger Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 You sound like you have a pretty health attitude, lonelybird!
lonelybird Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 You sound like you have a pretty health attitude, lonelybird! thank you, Letranger
ABrokenWing Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 Since the beginning of september I started college and I thought I needed more time with my college work, which was why I began to miss church services to do my work to for achieving the highest grade I could get. It's been two months now and just last sunday I went back to church with my parents. When I went in, I was never noticed or whether I was welcomed, and the people I knew for a long time neglected me, as if they didn't acknowledge my existance. At the end of church service, every one just ignored me, and I was quiet all the way through until I left the building. It was the first time that I felt bad about this since my last couple of visits during summer. So, should I be ashamed about this? This may not seem like a clear and vague statement, but I just wanted to go straight to the point. So, if you want more background information feel free to ask. Sounds like a bunch of rude ppl at your church. Who are they to judge you. If anything, they should of welcomed you back and asked how your studies were going.
Author andysw Posted November 24, 2007 Author Posted November 24, 2007 Sounds like a bunch of rude ppl at your church. Who are they to judge you. If anything, they should of welcomed you back and asked how your studies were going. Speakng of it, some of them did kinda come up to me while to sy hi whilest I was doing my gcse's. But I'm sure why this one's different. They're nice when you first meet them, but when you're alone they just ignore you.
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