wlminfla Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Hey Friends, I know it's been a long time and I hope you are all doing well... Will someone please take a look at my story and offer some feedback. I would especially love a girls opinion.. Long story short... I was with an amazing girl for six years. I moved to two different cities for her and lived with one of her guy friends for the second stop. For the last two years, all she wanted to talk about was getting married. I couldn't because I was in grad school and didn't have enough to bring to the table. Terrible excuses I know, but I didn't know any better. I didn't feel worthy of her. Well, she took it as a lack of committment, dumped me in October of 2006 and immediately started dating the guy that I lived with. As crushed as I was, she kept going. I found out about them dating on facebook. She always said that she wanted to be friends and of course would never ever return contact. So I finally got sick of it and took the path of estrangement. Yet... All the while, I felt so guilty about how I treated her sometimes ( I never hit her or anything) but I could've been a lot better to her. So, I wrote her a three page letter offering apologies. Nowhere did I say 1. I want you back 2. Please contact me 3. I need your forgiveness. Far from it. Just a simply apology. I didn't hear anything until this... "hey so i was in boston last week for work and as i was driving around town i saw a big sign painted on a building - it said something like "dropkick murphys new album out thank you boston!" something like that, anyways it made me think of you and i probably would've called, but since i was driving around trying to find my hotel, i was trying my best not to get lost haha. anyways, i hope you're doing well. i also wanted to let you know that i'm coming up to jacksonville for the nickel creek concert nov 12. i'm planning on coming up a day or two early, and was wondering if maybe you'd want to get together for lunch or coffee or something. i was thinking it might be nice, but i totally understand if you dont think it's a good idea. let me know..." I didn't respond because A. I had no interest in meeting up with her and new bf B. She did not tell me what she wanted to talk about C. She set no agenda D. She did not mention the letter at all E. As far as I've been told, she is the happiest she's ever been now. Can you blame me? Then, after two weeks, I get... "So are you not talking to me anymore?" After a years worth of insults thrown at me, estrangement, letting her go, internalizing my feelings for her, letting her live her life and the apology letter. I have not gone running after her, I have not intruded into her life, and I have moved on myself. Can any one offer any insight as to what in the world may be going on here? I still have a ton of love for her but until she gets concrete about somethings, I shall remain estranged. Any advice? Thanks.. WLM
quankanne Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 sounds like she's taken your letter of apology to heart, and feels that you two can now be friends. And doesn't realize that you've closed the door to that particular time in the past and are not interested in resuming a relationship with her ...
honey001 Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 I think she was feeling unworthy and rejected for you as well.' She wanted to marrie you: you saying that you cant get married because you arent making enough money and your still a grad student at uni 'translation to a woman is' im not ready for commitment and in most cases woman tend to think 'its rejection' thats just as bad as saying 'we should be friends.... 'she was probrably hurting just as much as you'.... her jumping into a relationship straight after a break up, is more like shes trying to get over you 'quicksmart' but its probrably hurting her more than anything... how do you know she is still with him' maybe she isnt and thats her way of realising what she has lost..... maybe you should take a chance, meet up with her, it will either ease the pain or mend things 'whats the worst that could happen????? im sure your curious. Insults are usually a sign of pain and hurt. Woman talk about how they feel, Men tend to bottle theirs up!!!! maybe being open is something you may need to work on...... well i hope that helps
Author wlminfla Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 Honey0001, I think you are absolutely right about somethings, especially about me being a jerk about the marriage thing. That's what the letter was about. Of course, it took me a long time to realize how much of ignorant jackass I was but I did realize it. When I sent it to her, there was nothing in response. I was honestly just an idiot. I always wanted to marry her but I was scared. I'm not now but it's probably too late. They are still together, I checked... Thank you for your help :-) WLM
honey001 Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Sorry if it seemed i was being blunt, 'i just think she must have been hurting just as much'......... well if shes still with him id say go out there and find you someone else 'what doesnt kill will make you stronger..... in the long run you alwaays learn from you mistakes.... trust me the next relationship your inn, will make things way more easier for you...... I hope that was helpful information!
frd150 Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Hey Wil, I was just checking in and I saw you here. Other than this how are you? You know you have a luxury that i havent been afforded and thats time to heal with no contact. You have had time to heal right?? Think about this:think of your mental state now,then think about the two of you sitting there,then think about the two of you parting. Picture yourself sitting in the car...how do you feel? Did it affect you? In a good or bad way? Now, are you sure that shes still with the "rebound"? Honey is right in that they say things they dont really mean. alot of it is emotion and you have to forgive most of it. You and i basically are guilty of the same crime but this far out ive realized a few things, things that I should have known then. 6 years = alot of memories.
Krytie TV Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Any advice? I think I see this different than most. First, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be out of grad school before marrying. A lot of us have been there and I couldn't have imagined getting married on top of everything else. Not to mention you want to have something to offer. Again, that's admirable. However, I think the "lack of commitment" thing she threw on you was an excuse. It seems that she wanted to be with your roommate and used the lack of marriage as an easy and cowardly excuse. People don't just randomly "immediately start dating my roommate" unless they've at least been thinking about it for a while, if not actually talked with him about it. You need to stop taking this as your issue, but I doubt you'll listen. You seem very willing to blame yourself which suggests that you might have a bit of a doormat mentality. Anyway, this doesn't sound like a youthing, it's a her thing.
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