ImaManDammit Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Let me get right into this. I met this girl a few years back. We hit it off, and thought things were going well. She moved to another city and we had an LDR for awhile. I planned to move out there but found a hard time finding a job because of a language problem. So as time went on I made as much effort to spend weekends with her and chat and call. At one point I noticed she was a bit withdrawn and I felt she was keeping stuff from me. I asked her to be honest with me and if there was anything going on with anyone else. She said no. But I still felt something was amiss. As any jealous mate who suspects someone of cheating, I took steps to investigate and found that she was chatting with a guy at work, that contained a lot of sexual inuendo and sexual references to certain acts each would do to each other. I called her on it, and we had the usual blow out, but didn't break up. She promised it was all in jest and that she wouldn't do that anymore because she didn't feel it was bad, but now that she knew that it was something I won't accept, it would stop. But in the coming months she lied about where she was going and who she was with, and I once again called her on it. She admitted to lieing only because she felt that even though nothing was going on, I wouldn't understand and be angry anyway, and she didn't want to feel like a prisoner and have to clear everything with me. So it just kept getting worse where I blew up, and blew up so bad that she was put in a very difficult situation with friends and family. A simple I'm sorry was just not going to work this time and she couldn't be with me anymore. Well....formally anyway. She needed time to work things through and in time we would get back together. I accepted those terms because I thought I was in love with her. But at one point I said, I can't wait and dangle here waiting for my fate and putting my life on hold and we'll leave the break up in tact and say our good-byes. She then pleaded with me not to go, and promised things would be better. As the weeks passed, I felt I still couldn't trust her, and although I had no hard evidence this time that anything was going on, suspicious behaviours once again had me thinking this hadn't changed at all. So I broke up with her yet again......and now the cycle is continuing and I find myself wanting to get her back. Can anyone explain to me why? I love her but don't trust her and I know the two won't mix, so why can't I just let go?
honey001 Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 It sounds to me 'its trust issues' id say move on dear thats an unhealthy relationship...... if its going to hurt that much its not worth going back and forward just to hurt again.... the situation will turn into hate, 'so when you finally move on 'it will be a cycle that will carry on to the next person.... make part clear your mind 'if theres no trust, your relationship will never survive' and if she is lieing to you all the time and you keep running back ' she would prob keep doing to you..... IS IT REALLY WORTH IT!!!!
Author ImaManDammit Posted November 14, 2007 Author Posted November 14, 2007 Thanks Honey001, Yes, I know you are probably right. The difficult situation is that breakups in the past for me were easier. Both when I was on the receiving end and when I was on giving end. I didn't have this inner turmoil I have, even though some of them had done much much worse to me. So the thought that goes through my mind is that this girl means more to me than the others, that she was the one, or why would I be having so much trouble letting go this time. So even though I was put through all this, I still wanted her because she has been able to give me things (when things were good) that no one else could. But I guess I have to travel down the road that so many people on this board have travelled down, and consider myself lucky that these feeling of loss have only ever happened until now, and just move on as painful as it may be. Thanks for the advice.
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