sumdude Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Ok I'm getting back out there again and have been out of the loop. Internet dating kind of happened while I wasn't in it. So ladies, what works and what doesn't on the dating sites? Do you generally expect the guys to contact you first as in RL? What is the most important first impression? How important is the e-mail headline? (since I get the feeling women's inboxes probably fill up with a lot of boy noise.) Automatic turn off? Turn on? What if he's just outside your age range? (older) What are good pics to have and bad pics to have? Your experiences in general?
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Don't put pics of your naked torso, just on dating websites looks cheesy, desperate and shabby. Have at least three or four pics of your face so girls know your real and not nicking pics off google images. Also while pics of rocks, sea, parks, etc are really nice too look at they are kinda pointless on a dating webiste. Only send a few emails back n forth before asking her out, cause I find emailing gets dull and boring after a while. Headline, well don't list your do's and don'ts wants and not wants, or make it sound like your on the rebound i.e. I want an honest women, is that too much too ask?? screams rebound too me If just outside the age range I have no problem with that. I like guys to contact me however if I see one that grabs my eye I will contact them. Turn off - your list of things you do not want (negativity) Turn on - good pic, honest profile, nothing too heavy keep it lighthearted - thats an each to their own kinda question
melodymatters Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 keep in mind that she likely gets lots of messages, but that probably 90% of them: didn't read her profile, just like her looks, and are only going to bother with one or two sentences. You want to stand out ! I like humorous and informative replies. YOU read about her, so now she will want to know more about YOU. Be lighthearted and funny, and never take anything personally. When I did this I got burnt out on the whole thing and just stopped answering. Use current pics, and make sure one is full length. GOOD LUCK !
pollywag Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Do have a picture on file even if not to present up on the main profile at least to share behind the scenes, and have it be a close up clear pic of your face. Do NOT put one of those far away action shots skiing where it is hard to tell what the heck you look like. Also have a full body pic. INSTANT turn off for me was a guy who does not post a pic and then sends you a page long description of what he looks like. Have you ever read someone decribe themselves? It is the most retarded thing because porbably a billion people fall under the description of what they describe. So save the 1000 words and give me a picture instead. Do ask her about something she mentioned in her profile it shows you looked at more than just her pics. If a woman takes the time out to write about herself take interest in her and be sincere. Don't just send a message saying "you're HOT" that is an INSTANT turnoff, for me at least. OR even worse "what's up" or, "WOW you are so hot wanna chat?" DELETE-buhhh-bye! Eww pics with a naked torso, leave them for chip'n dale auditions. Oh and another huge turn off, asking about how often she likes sex before you even meet her. DELETE! I may be a nympho but you'll be the last to know unless I know you, unless of course I am looking for intimate encounters in which case I am sure all bets are off in "those" types of dating sites. On a normal dating site keep it PG respect will get you further in the game, oh unless of course she wants to talk sex then just follow her lead. Don't make your email too long, if she doesn't find you attractive or like what you have to say in your profile it doesn't matter how much time you take to play your cards right it ain't gonna happen. I think success with internet dating is all about balance. Initial contact or first email you send her a "Hi I saw your profile and I really liked....." or make comments regarding one of her activities or whatever it is that appealed to you about her profile OTHER than the pic, obviously you find her attractive or you would not be writing her so spare the "you are an angel from above" cheese until you really fall for her and you have actually seen her in her glory. If she responds to the first contact then that's when you can impress her with your whit and long emails. Otherwise keep it short but stand out.
uniqueone Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Do you generally expect the guys to contact you first as in RL? Yes What is the most important first impression? Intelligence, humor, ability to spell, physical appearance How important is the e-mail headline? (since I get the feeling women's inboxes probably fill up with a lot of boy noise.) Don't care Automatic turn off? Reference to my body parts, reference to my picture in a short skirt, inability to spell, text message-like abbreviations, calling me "sweetie", one-liners like "hey, you're hot." Turn on? Intelligence, wit, references to my ad, inquiring more about me, a show of liveliness, enthusiasm and sincerity. What if he's just outside your age range? (older) Depends on if he aged well. What are good pics to have and bad pics to have? No hats or sunglasses or vacations pics where you look like an ant on a mountain top. No pictures of you back in the 80's when you were buff. No pictures of your car, motorcycle or house. Try to refrain from pictures that looked staged such as one where you're taking muffins out of the oven (yes, I had a guy write to me who had such a pic......to me, says he is trying to prove to women he's a good cook....this says to me that he's s trying too hard.) Another one I had was a picture of a guy helping a toddler hold up his bottle while the toddler was drinking. Next to the toddler was written "nephew". The guy was trying to look like he was good with kids. To me, it again says trying too hard. (plus he wanted women to know he had no kids of his own tying him down). In other words, don't try too hard. Your experiences in general? I'm good at screening so I've very rarely been surprised when I meet someone. From what I've heard from others (mostly men), they aren't so good at screening and are surprised when they meet the person....most often the person doesn't look like they had thought.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Yeah I had one guy send through an email - all it said was, you ready for this "fit" Like what I am gonna fall to my knees doing "oh my prince charming you finally found me what can I do to make you date me". ........He got blanked instead. On that note don't send emails that are like 2pages long, 3 to 4 paragraphs is enough for first time emails.
Trialbyfire Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 While I don't do online dating sites, wouldn't make more sense to decide what kind of woman you want and tailor your profile accordingly? I'm definitely not suggesting you lie but you can enhance certain aspects of who you are, that would be appealing. There are probably LS female members who fit your criteria, who may be able to provide you with valuable input through PM.
pollywag Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Oops missed the last question about what our experience in general: Honestly you have to like meeting people from the inside out, I think internet dating SUCKS the big one. with the exception of maybe two guys, one ended up being my boyfriend at the time, none of the guys I met in person I felt chemistry for. It felt totally forced on my part and like I was trying to give these men a chance because they had some good qualities in their personalities. I think chemistry has to happen instantly through the eyes, body language in general, the way they sound or talk and the way they move and smell and as you get to talk to the person and find out more about them and the attraction grows. Not you spend days setting out laundry lists of mostly over expressed positive qualities about each and then meet and try to force the fit. Bleeech it's a stupid way to make chemistry, BUT I know it works for some. But then again I am all about the eye connection and let the mating dance begin, I guess you can say I am a true "biiiiitch" ;-) Tradition and animal instincts over technology for sure.
Phateless Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Dating sites are a great complement to a healthy active lifestyle of meeting people in person. You never know who you'll meet, so keep the profile updated, but don't use it as a replacement for going out and meeting new people in real life. I think all the advice in this thread has it pretty much covered. My advice on the profile is to keep it short and sweet, but witty and interesting. If you write an essay on your profile, people might be too impatient to read the whole thing. You want them to get a glimpse of your personality quickly, so that they're inspired to read what is there, and then talk to you. Hobbies are a list, not an essay, don't overdo it with details.
melodymatters Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Oops missed the last question about what our experience in general: Honestly you have to like meeting people from the inside out, I think internet dating SUCKS the big one. with the exception of maybe two guys, one ended up being my boyfriend at the time, none of the guys I met in person I felt chemistry for. It felt totally forced on my part and like I was trying to give these men a chance because they had some good qualities in their personalities. I think chemistry has to happen instantly through the eyes, body language in general, the way they sound or talk and the way they move and smell and as you get to talk to the person the attraction grows. Not you spend days setting out laundry lists of mostly over expressed positive qualities about each and then meet and try to force the fit. Bleeech it's a stupid way to make chemistry, BUT I know it works for some. But then again I am all about the eye connection and let the mating dance beging, I guess you can say I am a true "biiiiitch" ;-) Tradition over technology for sure. And, I totally agree ! I'm a chemistry b*tch myself ! But having said that, it might be a good way for sumdude to get back into the dating scene, get some practice, and who knows, he may end up the next ArtCritic ! ( met and married his wife off of a dating site, and now expecting a wee clown )
pollywag Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 And, I totally agree ! I'm a chemistry b*tch myself ! But having said that, it might be a good way for sumdude to get back into the dating scene, get some practice, and who knows, he may end up the next ArtCritic ! ( met and married his wife off of a dating site, and now expecting a wee clown ) I totally agree. Nothing whips a person back into the swing of things than being exposed to a bunch of other miserable people who are also on the rebound and looking to get past their exes. LOL ok ok I know that's not what you meant...it is good to get back into the swing of things I totally agree. Dating sites offer intsant access into the possibility of....if you take it for what it is, it's terrific.
Author sumdude Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 I totally agree. Nothing whips a person back into the swing of things than being exposed to a bunch of other miserable people who are also on the rebound and looking to get past their exes. ouch that smarts... I sorta resemble that remark. Hey at least I'm not rushing into it headlong dying for my next 'true love.' in dire need of just anyone. I think that's how second marriages get such a low success rate. Folks in a hurrry on the rebound bite at the first hook that comes along. Besides, most poeple dating are usually getting over someone at some point.
Author sumdude Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 OK here's a weird question for a dating profile. Can someone look too good to be true?
pollywag Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 ouch that smarts... I sorta resemble that remark. Hey at least I'm not rushing into it headlong dying for my next 'true love.' in dire need of just anyone. I think that's how second marriages get such a low success rate. Folks in a hurrry on the rebound bite at the first hook that comes along. Besides, most poeple dating are usually getting over someone at some point. No no don't take that personally, I was speaking for my experience a few years ago when almost every guy seemed to be resh out of a relationship as well. It is THE place to be when you want a quick fix out of muddy lane. I checked it out this year and saw much of the same lonely hearts looking to get out of the funk. It's ok just too bad that people want to offer that type of info right up front. I disagree with that last statement. Some people need other people to get them out of the funk, some people get themselves out of the funk feel good and ready with an open heart and then face the dating world. Ideally that is how it should be, but we all know it is not like that for everyone. Some people need another person to help them forget so when someone in that state meets someone who is open and ready to take on the world with an open heart in with the "baggage" checked in, then meeting someone who is still licking their wounds can be a bit of a turn off. And I found that on dating sites people are licking their wounds more than in the real world... And yes someone can look too good to be true, more often than not people don't look as good as they do in their pics, that has been my experience or not even that they don't look as good they just look different. Well gees that's a surprise, imagine that! a three dimensonal view of someone is totally different than a one dimensional one?? That's why I like in person better what you see is what you get, now what more can you discover from there?
Author sumdude Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 I disagree with that last statement. Some people need other people to get them out of the funk, some people get themselves out of the funk feel good and ready with an open heart and then face the dating world. Ideally that is how it should be, but we all know it is not like that for everyone. Some people need another person to help them forget so when someone in that state meets someone who is open and ready to take on the world with an open heart in with the "baggage" checked in, then meeting someone who is still licking their wounds can be a bit of a turn off. And I found that on dating sites people are licking their wounds more than in the real world... See your point... hard to tell sometimes when one 'getting over' funk ends and another 'would really be nice to have someone' funk begins LOL that limbo in between where you're just fine alone.. Now we is gettin all funky on it I guess as long as people keep it real and don't raise anyone's expectations it's all good.
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