ladyday2u Posted May 21, 2003 Posted May 21, 2003 I need some advice on how to handle this situation. I have been in a relationship for 20 years and have been married to him for 5 going on 6 years. Let me start at the begining. I met my husband when i was only 19 years old. As a child growing up my mother kept me under strick thumb, so when I did find my freedom I was on the wild side. I wanted the man I am with but he was very jealous of me, he would accuse me of sleeping with the man that stayed at his neices house, he would hit me, he did this many times but I still wanted to be with him. (we were in St. louis my home town at the time) When we came back to Indiana to his home he was still very jealous of me. He would listen on my phone calls when my mother would call. He would think i would be talking to a man. ( How could I, I didnt know anybody at the time I was new here) He would accuse me of all kinds of things and beat me. The first time I really cheated on him was back in 1984. I felt if I was getting jumped on I might as well give him a reason to do so. Eventhough he hadnt hit me in a while I was just feed up with the abuse. ( a person can only take so much) It was a one time fling with a guy on the next street. ( my husband knows him) When he found out he beat my butt for it. We werent married at the time. I did something very disrespectful I sleep with a distant cousin in our house in our bed. again we were not married. Well he did his dirt too later to get back at me but I didnt take no offense to it. He finally married me in 1997, he says he forgives me for what I have done but he will not forget. I told him I dont expect him to forget. SO we married in 1997. When he gets mad with me he calls me a bitch, a slut, a whore ect. But when everything is going ok ( to suit him) then Im a good wife ect. This gives me mixed messages I dont know weather to belive he loves me or not cause I cant be both, a good wife and a slut. Dont get me wrong. He is a good father to our kids, he cooks and cleans and manages the bills ( He doesnt work cause his mom had a stroke in 97 and he has to take care of her) My problem is this.... He hasnt work a full time job since 1980 something and that was for only about a year. I started to work in 1995. I am the only one with a steady income( besides his mothers social sercurity and pension which is gone in two days) I have to take up the slack. I only make 390.00 every two weeks and it is hard on me. Sure he hustles and makes change on the side but I need a man to HELP ME. If we were in biblical days he would fail as a man. I am tired. I asked him for a divorce and he hit me. He still brings up what happened 25 years ago, He says he needs answers. Why? If he forgives me then why. Its been done, I have learned from my mistake. He is making me miserable by keep hounding me and my present sitation is helping either. The bills, me being house nurse to his mother dont get me wrong I know she couldnt help getting sick but what about me I need him too, after all he is my husband. The last straw for me was when he got mad at me two weeks ago because my son told him that I said I love him but Im not in love with him. He came to my job and showed out and then when he came to pick me up from work he told me he was going to st. louis and get his first love. When we got home he told me I denied her that right to be his and the right to be the mother of his kids. That night I was a bitch. He says he is tired of playing my game, but I say he is playing a mind game on me cause he keeps holding the past over my head. He says I dont have grounds to chistise him about his fling, after all the bullshi** I have put him through. Now since I told him Im leaving he puts me down and tells me that Im gonna have it hard and that Im gonna catch hell cause I did him wrong, no man is gonna do by me like he has ect. I have to keep the peace so I wont get jumped on so I have told him that everyting is alright between us and he says he will never bring up the past again( I have heard that over and over) I still plan on leaving him and getting a divorce but I know that I will just have to sneak and leave, cause if I was to pack my clothes and leave he would beat me bad. I have left him before but I came back because of my kids, they needed their father, bu they are all grown now except one he is 11 and he is a daddys baby. I need a peace of mind. He can go and find him another woman I dont care. I DONT HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM ANYMORE. And truth be told I feel he is just putting up with me.... Should I say or sneak and leave.
Tony T Posted May 21, 2003 Posted May 21, 2003 Judging from his history of getting angry and abusing you, I would leave while he's away. Also, arrange to have other people there while you're packing in case he comes home unexpectedly. You need to get away from him, something you should have done a very long time ago. Why in heaven's name would you want to tell him in advance and get him pissed again. You should leave him a note, tell him your feelings, and let him know you won't be back.
jessicakicksbut Posted May 21, 2003 Posted May 21, 2003 Do yourself a favor. Contact a women's shelter or the local Victim's Resource Center ASAP!!! I think you need intervention on this one, and they will provide that. Also, do not be afraid to get the police involved and get a PFA against him...just think, all those times he "beat your butt", he could have put you in the hospital or even killed you. Worse yet, it could have been your son.
nyckey Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Get out, and take the kids!! If you don't take the kids and DCFS finds out that your husband is abusive, neither one of you will see your kids again and they will become foster kids. Take the kids weather the want to or not, you have to be the strong one here and stand up for those kids, they need you. If you go to the womans shelter they will help you and give you guidance at the same time give the protection you will need, untill you are on your feet. GET OUT & TAKE THE KIDS TOO!! You will meet others in the same boat in the shelter, your not alone. Good Luck!
ladyday37 Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 I have since gotten a divorce and my son is with me... we are doing fine. thanks for replying to me.
nyckey Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 good for you, you are on the rode to happiness, but remember it might be alittle bumpy at times.... Stay strong, Good Luck!!!
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