The taped conversation that haunts me!

[cj1988]

Ok, I am sorry you guys, but I have written down the conversation of the tape that started this whole mess and that haunts my head and dreams. Tell me, should I have accused him of sleeping with her? BE HONEST! My girlfriend heard it the same time I did, she was as shocked as me. I only taped them because I was suspicious for months, long talks......looks, she was his life ! They met Dec 31 2002, I found them !

 

Her :Hey Baby (sexy voice)

Him: Hey Baby (sexy voice)

Her: I am going to miss you (she was going out of town, first weekend we were not

all together in months)

Him: I miss you already (like he was going to die)

Him: I love you

Her: I love you

Her: Try to have a good weekend, do what you have to do to keep the peace, work it out.

Him: MERCY MERCY MERCY ! (like he dreaded being alone with me)

Her: I do not know why but this just popped in my head, do not let her (me) try and talk you out of using protection, she is not all there right now and I would not put it past her and WE are not going to have that. ( I just found STAMAX in his truck the weekend before)

Him: Oh do not worry about that I learned to protect myself from her a long time ago, she can bite my ass on that one, I love you so much D---- (he said her name)

Her: I love you baby

Him: Can I bite her or pull her hair

Her: (she laughs) You can pull her hair, but no biting (they laugh)

Him: That is why I love you

Her: Oh my sweet Angel

Him: HMMMMM HMMMMM, my sweet sweet BABY ( sexy voice)

Her: You better watch out she might be in her hiding place ( I caught him in a lie while waiting for him at out lake house)

Him: If she was here she would have walked up by now (laughing)

 

They talk about small things and move on to her looking for something. He tells her to go around the corner and look where the brother left his beer cans, he said we were in the woods to left., see it……she sees it.

 

Her: Should I climb in.

Him: If you can without breaking your neck (climbing in a deer stand)

Her: Ok, I am up here, maybe that house saw us, oh no maybe that house saw us….ok maybe not, I feel better ( HEHEHEHEHE…… he giggles like a school boy)

Supposedly they were smoking dope and was afraid a man and his kid that hunt saw them, right !

 

She climbs down and they continue small talk and she said I have to go, I am home now and the boys will be coming out in a minute.(his nephews)

Her: Call me tomorrow ok

Him: Oh you know I will baby (when he was going to be with me)

Her: I love you

Him: I love you

Her: I will anxiously await your call (sexy voice)

 

Then he calls another number so I cannot see the last number dialed on the phone. He just talked to her of an hour on the way there and then called her when he got there. (OUR LAKE HOUSE) The same house I found them under the dock TALKING at 2AM a month or so after we got married at that house, she was in the wedding (we lived together 11 years). But I sat there for over 5 minutes and never heard a word. They were drunk and she said he was crying about me not wanting him….she just got through screwing her husband right before that, everyone was asleep in the house, her kids, our kids and me and her husband sound asleep...they use to go swimming a lot after everyone went to bed, WHY?

 

Now, am I crazy or is that a normal sibling conversation? Did I accuse him wrong? They were talking every chance they got everyday for 4 months prior to that and continued until August of this year....now they hardly talk at all, WHY if the bond is so strong?

 

Remember this man has never cheated on me and HATES a cheater, so how???.........she is nothing like me, she is heavy (not that it matters) I am not, she is loud and goofy, I am not. I am not shy, but I am not loud and catty ! Oh yeah, he was no longer jealous of me all the sudden when he had been for 12 YEARS....

[Alexandra]

I've read this one and skimmed through the other ones you've been posting cj. It seems to me that what you believe of them having an affair is either true, case in which it's horrid and you not only deserve to but should leave right away or not true however improbable but you have developed an obsession and it will destroy your marriage.

 

In reading your other threads the latter was more plausible but I have to say that reading this makes it very clear that it's probably the former.

 

Nowhere in what I read does it say what your feelings on therapy are. Would you consider it for yourself, would he consider individual treatment, would you both be able to get couples' counseling?

[heftysmurf]

So sorry for the pain.

[cj1988]

Alexandra, thank you. I know it has become an obesession, which it would for most in my position. I hate it ! I have been to therapy and it has helped a lot (imagine that) I just cannot seem to find the answer in my heart and that is the problem. I guess I am in denial and do not want to believe that he could be that GROSS ! He will not go to therapy, said I am the one that has the issues and I am insecure and he is innocent ! Period ! He will not budge although the tape was horrible. Said he loves her dearly and they have a connection he cannot explain, but he is not in love with her romantically or sexually involved. BUT, after hearing and now you reading the tape, am I wrong or is he a BIG liar and can never tell me because it is so taboo?

 

I am trapped because I love him and want to be with him, but then again if this is true I cannot and will divorce him NOW. I hate being me right now ! So weak, not my style.....

[Letranger]

Good luck CJ1988! Cheating is such a selfish and destructive act.

[Ladyjane14]

Even without your own interpretation applied in parentheses... this conversation looks inappropriate and damning.

 

But like I told you on another thread... I just don't believe there's any way he's ever going to cop to it. It's his sister afterall.

 

That leaves you in a position of choice, to either be happy with what you have, or to admit that it's not enough.

[cj1988]

Thanks LADY, I know and that is what I am going to therapy for....how do you leave someone you love and how could I still love someone that messed up? It is like my world as I have known it for 13 years has all been a lie.

 

I am damned if I do leave him amd damned if I do not! If i stay I have to see HER for the rest of our marriage as well as lookinbg in eyes and seeing GROSS images of him and his SISTER.

 

My situation is not typical I know that, no one else on this website has has this as far as I know. I am now in the middle of moving, so in a way that will be the breaking point for me to make up my mind. I just keep going back to "what if he was innocent" he is a loving man and shows it to all family....very gentle and sweet. That is why I FINALLY posted the TAPE so I can get someones opinion besides my own.....they never talked about sex or I cannot wait to hold you, f--- you, feel you anything like that ! That is what throws me off. We all know in the early stages of a relationship or even an A there is a lot of that kind of talking....you do not hear that.....I very well think it could be that "I think I am falling for you" secret thing.....flirting whatever, but that is just as bad !

[Alexandra]

To me, there are a lot of damning points there. For the smallest matter I would not tolerate my man talking like that about me to anyone.

 

As for the incest part, it's possible, no one here seems to have treated you as being crazy for it and indeed that conversation seems to be further proof that you are on to something. Most importantly though, whether it is incest or not it doesn't matter. You're too hung up on this particular aspect, would you tolerate this close of a relationship with a stranger? Would you be okay with it? Probably not. What should count most to him is that even if you were crazy for thinking this, you are feeling hurt by his actions and it is up to him to assume responsability for this and try and mend it.

 

I hate being me right now ! So weak, not my style.....

 

You don't have to be weak. As LadyJane well points out, all you need to eventually do is a make a choice.

[Bryanp]

If the roles were reversed do you think he would be as understanding? This is just horrid. Do you really need to have a piano fall on your head to see what has been going on. He is sleeping with his sister and he insults and puts you down and totally disrespects you. If you can love a person who is so clearly wrong for you, imagine what it would be like to lovesome who is right for you. See a lawyer. He is one sick man.

[cj1988]

I agree, I told him it was not the closeness at the end that is the problem it was how he talked about me and allowed her to talk about me as well. She does not even know me and would NOT know him if it was not for me.

 

It was a double betrayal for sure and that is what hurt. He has never before allowed anyone to down me at all, not even his mother. But I was a crazy lady according to them.....then to top it off he wanted to leave me turned it all around on me and did not speak to me for 5 months....Dec until May of this year. He did not care I was falling apart, health was bad etc....basket case.....all he did was yell at me and tell me how horrible I was for the accusation and for telling all his family about her and THEM. He watched me die inside, he cried alot too, but not sure why yet....guilt, shame, heart broken, scared.....who knows....he looked at me in tears many times and claimed I ripped his heart apart by believing he could be that wrong to me knowing how he feels about cheating (hates it)

 

It was like he became empty, just a shell for a long time. No hopes, dreams, just a lot of drinking and smoking pot until he passed out. After D-day Decemeber 1rst he still called her, but rarely saw in the months to follow. December through March, maybe 5 time and March until now maybe 3 and he has been with me everytime. They do not talk at all like they use to and I told him that was strange....he said she is my sister, get over it or I am gone!

[Bryanp]

Please reread my previous post. Again why would you wish to be with a husband that sleeps with his sister and insults and puts you down to her and allows her to insult you. He is a liar and a cheat who sleeps with his sister. How could you ever feel special and proud being married to this man?

[cj1988]

The sad part is even if we did go to counseling and try to work it out, he can never tell........if he does he has the risk of not only losing me, but his family as well. He would lose ALL of them, her, the other 2 siblings and more so the father he just met, but does not call or see.

 

So, he can never tell. Someone asked him recently if he ever cheated would he be able to live with it and not have a guilty conscience. He said, first off I have no conscience, second I would not be in that type of situation to feel all that, I am not cheater and never will be.....so the answer is no......

 

So, you see what I am dealing with !

[Kasan]

I just read the taped conversation that you posted and my first thoughts were this man is having an affair. I hadn't read your other thread.

 

As I scrolled down, I saw that this man was talking to his sister--wow, I am so sorry.

 

I just don't see how you will ever win in this situation, even if he has nothing more to do with his sister.

 

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life living with someone who is cheating on you with his sister?

 

Honey, you deserve so much better and on some level, I think that you know this or you wouldn't be here talking to us.

 

As it has probably been said many times before me, you need to decide what you are going to do--what is the final straw in the sand for you.

 

Once you have made that decision, the rest will follow.

[cj1988]

Thanks Kazan, I know it is shocking when you find out it is hs 1/2 sister, how do you think I felt when I heard it???? It is horrible and disgusting, I am totally aware of that and cannot for the life of me figure out WHY I still love him....my only guess as my theraoist agrees, I am still in denial and unsure that it is true, so I still love him. He asked me, if your H admitted it, could you stay.....do you know I could not answer his question.

 

He has dealt with this before in his sessions and gave me the GSA (genetoc sexual attraction) website and it sounds like them to a "T". He said it does happen and some make it through it and some do not, depends on the person. So, yes I have to make a choice either way....I guess the way I treated him over the years was not very well, so in a way I feel it was my fault to a certain extent. I know having an A is a choice, but why her? Read the GSA and you may understand why I am still around at all. I gave my H a copy and he said you ever out that kind of S--- in my truck again I will be gone, I did nothing and you will not find anything in a million years looking....give it up or leave me !

[littlekitty]

I read this and the first post of your initial thread here.

 

To me it seems clear he was sleeping with his sister. If he wasn't, at the very least it was an very inappropriate EA. I mean, please, nobody (and I mean nobody) speaks to their sister like that. It is NOT normal or right.

 

And yet he's punishing you for it.

 

I'd say it's time to walk away. I'm not sure how you could ever move on from this.

[littlekitty]

I gave my H a copy and he said you ever out that kind of S--- in my truck again I will be gone, I did nothing and you will not find anything in a million years looking....give it up or leave me !

 

Those aren't the words of an innocent man, or one who wants to repair his marriage.

 

Who knows, perhaps it never did get as far as sex. Perhaps it did. Either way it sounds from all I've read he's waiting for you to leave him. Perhaps he thinks if he continues to emotionally detatch from you, you'll walk away and save him face. Then he doesn't look the bad guy to his family and perhaps he won't loose as much.

[cj1988]

thanks Little Kitty, you are all right. No matter what I do not know how to forgive this one. He has forgiven me over the years for many things, not cheating, but this is just too much to handle and get past for anyone.

 

The bad part, he was texting her recently and erased it and hide it from me and we had a big fight (last week) I told him it was not the fact you did it, it is the fact you are hiding again....if it was nothing why erase it. He said I do that becauase you have made me feel I have to or you are going to pitch a fit. She is my sister and from now on I am NOT going to hide it and I will talk to her anytime I feel like it. You are not going to make it something it is not and me saving a fight is rediculous.....she is my sister, get over it, quit looking you are wasting your time or I am gone. I will not be investigated the rest of my life as you have for years now. I should not have to hide it and I will not again.....the problem I had was not that he did it and lied, it was he supposedly HATES to text, but ANYTIME he ever has, it was her, not me.....just like he was calling her and refused to call me !

[Bryanp]

You judge a person by their actions and not by their words and his actions speak volumes and you know this.

[cj1988]

I have thought about that as well. I have many times told him I will be bad the guy, just leave. He said if I did not want to be here I would not. I said you are not here, you are in body only.....he has come around a littel more lately for some reason, but I still believe that if he really loved me he could not have said and did the things he did for 5 months as I slowly fell apart at his feet......I believe he has attachment issues that stem from him not knowing his dad etc....he attached to me the same way when we met. He is looking to be loved so badly, but in the wrong way. He is a very sexual person, likes porn, tit bars etc....so I think he has deeper issues than I even know about. I do know the way he shows intimacy is through sex, SHE even told me that when she was talking to us back before all this happened. So, I am dealing with one f--- up man.......

[cj1988]

BryanP, you are so correct and that is WHY i feel like such a f---- fool. Why cannot I not walk away? I do not need his money, I am NO DOG, I own everything and can live on my own......wht the f--- does a person like me stay with a person like him? He smokes dope and drinks a lot, friendly and very attractive and charming........but underneath it all a born loser !

[Bryanp]

Look at all you give for clearly the wrong man for you. Imagine what it would be loving the right man. I suspect you are fearful of the unknown. The bottom line is that you deserve better and clearly are settling for a very broken man. The problem is that if you stay with him you will eventually become broken also.

[cj1988]

bryan, funny you say that, he has said that he is a broken man, because of me of course. I agree, he will bring me down. How does someone walk away from someone they truly love?

 

I love him unconditionally obviously and he claims he loves me the same, ok...right.....he said that we both have one thing in common, we do not like the unknown......sad but true. He claims I cheated when we were split up in 2002 (4 months apart) when I slept with someone else and he has never let me forget it. Tells me WHY do you think I would do what you did to me? Why would I do that to myself? I hate what you did to me and I am not YOU....he thinks I want to prove so badly he did something so I can say, look you did it too....he said you can never say that no matter what you think about what you heard on that tape, I am not you and you know that and it is killing you !

[bigheartkindsoul]

I read this and the first post of your initial thread here.

 

To me it seems clear he was sleeping with his sister. If he wasn't, at the very least it was an very inappropriate EA. I mean, please, nobody (and I mean nobody) speaks to their sister like that. It is NOT normal or right.

 

And yet he's punishing you for it.

 

I'd say it's time to walk away. I'm not sure how you could ever move on from this.

 

Totally agree, what an @rse for making you feel bad about it too, no good for nothing pr!ck.

 

Leave him, don't say why just pack your things (or his) and let that be that.

 

Unless of course you want to do a Loretta on him but I wouldn't bother getting your self in trouble for such a low life.

 

That is not a Sister, I have 3 Brothers and NONE of them have ever spoke to me like that or said they loved me especially in a husking come to bed voice.

 

I am sorry your having to go through this hun.

 

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

[quankanne]

CJ, plain and simple, he's having an affair with his half-sister. It might still be at the emotional stage, but still, it's too warped to contemplate, because he is not able to distinguish proper from improper behavior, whether it's all this lovers' talk with her or if he's flat out banging her.

 

the question here is, because you know she will always be a part of his life because of the family connection, do YOU want to put up with this the rest of YOUR life? Because I don't think things will get any better than this – he's in denial about his attraction to his sister, he's still talking to her the way a lover would, he's still shunning you. What is it going to take before you finally say, "Enough!"? To what depths are you willing to be dragged, to be emotionally and morally demeaned, just because you love the guy? Not that loving him is bad or wrong, but when you've got someone who refuses to deal with the situation in a way that puts his marriage first, it sounds like the relationship is really going nowhere. Especially when he knows that he'll always have his sister there for him morally, emotionally, and dare I say it, physically …

 

the longer you put off making a decision, the worse off it's going to be. Ideally, we'd like to hear that you've left the marriage because of all the sick crap he's subjecting you to through his relationship with his sister, but should you decide to continue to stay, you're gonna need to figure out a way to make peace with the fact that you nor your marriage will never come first because she's family and she's never going to go away.

[cj1988]

Thanks, unfortunately it is his sister which makes all this Jerry Springer s---- from hell. I never in a million years could have seen something like this coming and it has been almost a year and I am still f---- up and cannot get passed it.

 

I want out so bad, but cannot for some reason. That is why I finally posted the tape.....I need to know if I am crazy or if he is an a---hole of the worst kind.

 

The day of the tape I called her and asked how long she had been f----- her brother, she said " He is right, you are crazy"......after many months I sent her an e-mail (did not let H know we were talking she did not either) i told her how i felt about the tape and how he was in love with her. She was very defensive at first and then we started talking a lot and she was very supportive, imagine that....she said I told you last year before all this how much that man loves you and how he could not betray you in a million years. She said that everytime she asked him why he could not get back with me during those months was because he was afraid of what I would do next. Meaning if I would go as far as to accuse me of this....what will she do next. He said I needed help because of my past and he could not take it anymore. She said "you know you are in love with her" he would say that has never been the issue or a question....i just cant do it anymore, I am beat and worn out.....I guess she was doing damage control.....