cslrider Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 My wife cheated on me. She told me (or allow me to find out) but from the beginnig said that never was the idea to left home. Se blaimed our marriage (in truth, our marriage was dying, we were no longer a couple but two friends sharing a life and children). She told me she needed to see herself desirable again and when a collegue of her gave her the attention she needed, she started a relationship. Ok, so far so normal but she always told me that this was a physical relation, and she felt no guilt with it, since she was conviced our marriage was over. So how can i forgive someone that does not want forgivness. And worst, I notice since i find out, that she was dealing very strangly about the concept of her relation. I told her that she was feeling something strong for him. She always denied, teeling that she was attracted for the situation itself. When she finish (so she tell me) with him she confess me that she was starting to fall in love with him, cause she can not very heasely distance the sex from love. I want to change, I want to be a better men for her a I want to save our marriage and conquer her back. I'm i still in time? orno one recover from a situation like this? Please someone help
Ladyjane14 Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Marital recovery IS possible, but you both have to really want it. Why do you feel that you need to be a "better man"? Do you feel like you did something wrong which might have contributed to your wife's decision to cheat?
heftysmurf Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 She was not thinking of you or your families needs when she did this. Are you mourning the pain of her betrayl or the loss of the dream you thought you shared? At this point think of yourself and your kids. Take her out of the equation. It will take time. I am still strugling everyday but getting a bit better. Your mind is filled with the flood of emotions. Even though it is hard take a bit of time until you are clear.
dbtmarley Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Why would you want to be with someone who has little or no respect for you let alone your marriage? You say you want to change and be better for your marriage, why on earth are you taking the blame for her cheating? If there were problems you work on them. Cheating is not the way to solve problems in a marriage, it is a way to end it. You also say the two of you are friends. If I was you I would access my friendship with this person. Friends don't rip each others heart out. She is selfish and you need not take blame for her behaviors. My friend... I hate to tell you this, but your marriage maybe over.
Bryanp Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 If the roles were reversed do you think she would be so accepting and understanding of you with such an attitude? She shows no remorse whatsoever and shows utter distain and disrespect for you.
Author cslrider Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 Of course. Many times i took the easiest way out of discussions, I rarely tell her how much I love her, I failed, long time ago, in protect her against my parents. I had give up a little, i confess. Now I think if I had the right warning but it is possible I just miss it. I'm very afraid of her feelings towards the other but at the same time I love her enough not to want her unhappy.
Meaplus3 Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 IMO you both have to really want to work on the marriage and until then I would not expect a thing to change. How about MC? AP:)
abeliever Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 I remember when my grandmother married us. We had to attend her class on marriage rules. Her thing, if she married a couple she had a 4 hour work shop to get things straight before she married any couple. She was a minitster at 21 yrs old and traveling evangelist for over 30 yrs. Then settled in a small church here in town until she passed a few years ago. She said kids, marriage is a job. So after you get off work then you come home and work. You come in and kiss your spouse and ask "how was your day"? She would go on and on. I guess that is why I stayed so long and worked so hard at "trying to keep it together" I wanted to put the work in to salvage what I thougth our life was. That was I think was the problem, what I thought of our marriage he didn't feel the same as I. He stopped working on it and I tried and tried. IC and couples retreat without him. I did read a lot of self help books. Basically I turned myself inside out. So, you see if you don't have two people wanting to work on it at the same time, there is no saving it! I learned the hard knox way. It's up to you. Whatever decision you make is your own. But be aware of the uphill battle that is ahead of you. Its a long hard road. Sometimes it can work out. I am hoping this is your destiny. abeliever
Moose Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Of course. Many times i took the easiest way out of discussions, I rarely tell her how much I love her, I failed, long time ago, in protect her against my parents. I had give up a little, i confess. Now I think if I had the right warning but it is possible I just miss it. I'm very afraid of her feelings towards the other but at the same time I love her enough not to want her unhappy.The first thing I think you need to do is to forgive yourself. You messed up. Plain and simple! I've always told people on this forum that if Mrs. Moose ever cheated, I would first have to examine what drove her to it before I kick her to the curb..... Married people don't usually just wake up one day and say, "It's such a beautiful day, I think I'll go sleep with such and such....." Yes, you can repair this marriage. However, you're going to have to deal with the fact that she's been with someone else and defiled your Marriage bed. Can you ignore that visual? I wish you the best of luck, and God's grace to you both....
reboot Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 I've always told people on this forum that if Mrs. Moose ever cheated, I would first have to examine what drove her to it before I kick her to the curb..... Married people don't usually just wake up one day and say, "It's such a beautiful day, I think I'll go sleep with such and such....." There are SO many people on this forum that just can't see this...
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