michael d Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 hi out there thanks for listening. the love of my life, 15 years together, married 7, wants time to evaluate her life. She has lost feelings for me, and is not sure about our future together. Over the last two years we failed to communicate on an issue that was eating away at both of us. 2 years ago we were trying to get pregnant and it wasn't working. testing showed a problem on my end, and instead of going for the follow up tests to confirm, and pursue it further, i withdrew a bit and hid my fear and disappointment. it became an issue we grew to sidestep instead of face. she would bring it up and i would avoid it out of embarrassment. we should have shared more of our feelings and dealt with it. She told me a week ago that she wanted to move out , at which point i was devastated and signed up for all the testing immediately. then all the feelings came pouring out ,but it may be too late. now i am in a state of sadness i can barely put into words. a rift has developed, and i don't know if time apart will fix it or not. we love each other but she has fallen out of love with me. she is not ready for divorce, and i absolutely am not either. we are in counselling now but she is at her friends house not at home and i am so missing her dearly. what should i do? think it can work? thanks for the help.
heggs Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Well im no expert im 18 lol, But all i have to say is stay strong must be hard i know but thats all i can it stay strong head up .
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 This isn't going to sound too good, but first and foremost you will want to find out if there is anyone else in the picture. Often in a case where a spouse needs 'space' and to 'find themselves' it is to accommodate a new person in their life while using 'marital difficulties' as the excuse to leave. I'm not saying that there is someone else, but you will need to rule that out before you can fix what is left of your marriage.
littlekitty Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 What has she said about you no going for the tests? It must have been very disheartening to what a child and feel like you weren't doing what you needed to do to help that. Especially if you weren't discussing it with her. I could see how that might make her withdraw from you. It's good news that you are both now in counselling. Does her heart seem in it? Does it seem like she wants to try to repair things? It can work. I'm presuming of course that there's been no infidelity on either side here. But it's going to take time, work and need both of you to want it.
Author michael d Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 hey there. i am going for the secondary tests, and we always wanted the same things, so it's a tough one for me i just waited too long. now, on my way to town i see her coming in from surfing and there is a guy standing by her truck. i call her on the cell and calmly ask if there is anything she wants to tell me about this guy,and she says no, he is a friend from work and they are just surfing. she says he has a girlfriend and nothing is happenning. my fear is of course, here is the new guy. i need to know, but i cannot push her on it or it may drive her further away. our next counselling session is friday, i am wondering if we should discuss this then ? when i saw him there i cannot explain the pain i felt and i 'm not sure how much i should let her know this, or to just wait and see. she has been out of the house 4 days only. and it is not uncommon for people to go surf together, but.... i really appreciate your time in helping me. thanks. m
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 You need to keep an eye on this, and honestly girlfriend or not, this guy shouldn't be in your wife's life right now as she is vunerable, not feeling good about herself, feeling neglected and she could easily slip into a 'friendship' that will be bad for her, let alone for your marriage to reconcile. I hope she's telling you the truth about him.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 i call her on the cell and calmly ask if there is anything she wants to tell me about this guy,and she says no, he is a friend from work and they are just surfing. she says he has a girlfriend and nothing is happenning. I kind of figured that was the case, but was hoping it wasn't so. You hear all sorts of stuff, stuff like: He/she is just a friend (probably the top excuse). He/she isn't attracted to me. He/she isn't my type. He/she is in a relationship and would never cheat. He/she is gay. He/she is having a hard time and needs support. All I can say is that you will want to keep your eyes open, but do not mention this guy again. Just wait and watch. If she thinks are you looking into it, she will simply hide it from you while ramping up her efforts to make this rift about a 'problems and a bad marriage', when really its about having an affair. I can tell you this. If she is having an affair with this guy, or even in the beginning stages of starting an affair - then your marriage cannot be saved as long as this guy is in the picture.
Author michael d Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 hey thanks- but if our marriage cannot be saved as long as this guy is in the picture, it is very hard to sit and watch and wonder. i have no interest in anyone else( (the thought makes me ill). but she is obviously ok with being by herself and even if they are nothing more than friends, i just feel that it is so obvious she likes him. WELL she just called and hearing her voice i know nothing is happening with this guy yet. she says she is very sad that she doesn't feel the same as me right now. she doesn't know what the future holds for her feelings. she is into the counseling . but the bottom line is she's lost that lovin feelin. she did say she loves me too when i said i love you. my old fashioned view is that love and committment are not always perfect and need work and nurturing sometimes. i'd rather work on it with her at home but this is her way of searching . i've let this bird fly and i only can pray she flies home. all of your support and advice is helpful. thank you. michael.
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