Jane T Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 I'm starting to think that might be true with me since everytime this guy and I happen to be getting closer I get cold feet. I'm also running out of excuses as to why that is.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Not being that bothered about seeing them, no enthusiasm. No flutterings of excitement in the tummy or groin areas. That would be mine.
Author Jane T Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 I have more of an all-over tingle rather than a groin-area flutter.
Phateless Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Good thread... I would say it sounds like you kinda like this person, but not that much... either that or you don't want to risk anything.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 have you been hurt by someone else recently? I only say because if so being cautious would probably be enough to stop you stepping any further with this person, and possibly stop excitement because you are afraid of getting hurt again. I know this is my problem at the moment.
Citizen Erased Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 When I have really fallen for someone, I know because I can't wait to hear from them, or see them. I get all girly and weird, which is quite abnormal for me. When I wake up, I think about them. When Im asleep I have dreams about them (most of them quite dirty lol) and if I get into the alcohol, I think about them out and need to talk to them (thankfully usually I have a friend to stop me ) I get what you mean about if they like you maybe thats where your feelings are from. But deep down you do know if you have genuine feelings for them. Says me with my life in tatters
kymberann Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Signs that you like someone because they like you... You pay attention to your hygiene You pay attention to your dress You make more eye contact, but look away if it is too long a gaze (at first) You may start doing something they like doing You begin to share your own interests with them You pull out old pictures of yourself to show them, while feeling embarrassed You want to spend more time with them You listen more Songs on the radio seem to apply to you You pay attention to what they like and don't like Fwwlings of confusion, doubt and nervousness as well as feeling like floating on air and amazement, this can happen all at the same time too! You make time or rearrange your schedule to see them more or spend time with them THe list goes on, but it sure is never ending! Best!
Author Jane T Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 Kymberann, aren't those signs that you just like the person in general? If not, I've got a problem . . .
Lovegod Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 everytime this guy and I happen to be getting closer I get cold feet. That's usually a sign of poor blood circulation. You might want to make an appointment with the Doctor and get that checked out.
maynicholas Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 It actually has a name. It's called the reciprocity effect in psych terms. We like people who like us. We don't like people who don't like us. This applies to interpersonal relationships as much as strangers. It seems intuitive, but until you say it- you never really give it much thought.
Capricciosa Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 have you been hurt by someone else recently? I only say because if so being cautious would probably be enough to stop you stepping any further with this person, and possibly stop excitement because you are afraid of getting hurt again. I know this is my problem at the moment. I agree, I'm entirely in this boat at the moment too.
Author Jane T Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 have you been hurt by someone else recently? I only say because if so being cautious would probably be enough to stop you stepping any further with this person, and possibly stop excitement because you are afraid of getting hurt again. I know this is my problem at the moment. Not recently, but after I got burned really bad a while back I swore off of even trying to get involved with anyone else. I haven't until now, but this guy's been trying so hard for so long, and I almost trust him (that's saying a lot for me). Plus I know he went through the same thing around the same time that I did, so maybe he'd be more empathetic.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Not recently, but after I got burned really bad a while back I swore off of even trying to get involved with anyone else. I haven't until now. Then hun that is probably what is making you cautious, rightly so perhaps because you are protecting yourself from any possible harm but if he seems nice, you like spending time with him, YOU HAVE FUN with him, he treats you right, then you can date for a while without it having to get anymore than dating stage. At the end of the day, its better to of loved and lost than never to have loved at all. We have to take risks with our heart, yes it is sooooo scary but can bring so much happiness and joy.
Author Jane T Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 It actually has a name. It's called the reciprocity effect in psych terms. We like people who like us. We don't like people who don't like us. This applies to interpersonal relationships as much as strangers. It seems intuitive, but until you say it- you never really give it much thought. Good ol' Psych. 101 That was my minor in college. So you're saying that you think that even if I only like this guy because of the way he feels about me, that's still okay and even normal?
Author Jane T Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 Then hun that is probably what is making you cautious, rightly so perhaps because you are protecting yourself from any possible harm but if he seems nice, you like spending time with him, YOU HAVE FUN with him, he treats you right, then you can date for a while without it having to get anymore than dating stage. At the end of the day, its better to of loved and lost than never to have loved at all. We have to take risks with our heart, yes it is sooooo scary but can bring so much happiness and joy. I wonder if it would be a good idea to discuss my relationship history with him before we start dating so he knows where I'm coming from? He's told me all about his, even though some of it wasn't flattering at all.
Capricciosa Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 I think we all need to know what the people we are interested in have experienced, if only to decide whether we are up to the task of dealing with the consequences. Also, so we can make agreements about boundaries. You may need to go very slowly until it feels relatively safe, until you know him well enough to trust him. He needs to know that he might have to be really patient. So tell him, if that feels right to you.
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