meggles Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 I was married a little over a year ago to a man I thought was the nicest guy I've ever known. When we met, he had 3 children living at home with him....he told me he was still officially married but that she had left a year earlier and moved in with another man abandoning the children. She had also had 3 affairs on him during their marriage and he was never sure if one of the children was his....how she ridiculed him constantly calling him every name in the book in public, etc. He pretty much told me how miserable his life had been. The only reason he hadn't filed for the divorce yet was because he was so busy with working and raising the children and thought she for once should take responsiblity for her own actions and for her to go through the filing of the divorce. Well I knew I would be raising his 3 children and had no problem with it....I love kids. I came into this with a little over $15,000.00 and no debts...no kids. As soon as his soon to be ex found out, she thought she should take the kids to supposedly let them get used to me over time....which I totally understood. Well the divorce took place, we married and his ex moved out of state with the kids and her boyfriend. After we were married, we talked of having our own baby and before we knew it, I was pregnant and happy. We were planning our new life...went and got a family dog....etc. In the meantime since my credit was descent, we took a look at his and I found that he and his ex were in debt like most people. I ended up using a good chunk of my money to help him catch up on his debts and hers...since we were talking about a move and buying a home. Well a few months into our new marriage and looking at property online, we were waiting for some realtors replies to homes we were looking at.....as we scrolled through his email, I noticed one from his ex....I asked him, "What is that?"...he kinda looked dumbfounded and tried to play it off so I opened it in front of him only to find out that he had been having an affair with her before we were married, during our marriage ceremony and even afterwards. He was planning a life with her as he planned one with me....was telling her he loved her and that marrying me was a mistake...had talked to her about what he was going to do with our baby..the one I was pregnant with....sad to say through the strain and shock of it all, I lost the baby. He had also pressured me into tattooing his name on my body...I've never had one and was a fool to have done it while he also had one done with "Faithfully Meagans" on his chest over his heart....I never asked him to do that...only to read on that he had agreed to leave "Faithfully, remove my name and to put hers there since he was only faithful to her". I also learned that she had broken into our house and poisioned the dog which I had to put to sleep 2 days later from antifrieeze poisioning. I was devastated to say the least after everything we had planned and the fact that we had recently been married....and of how he described her when they were married. Since then she has turned their kids against me like I was the homewrecker....she has called me a whore, slut, you name it when I've done nothing wrong only to have him sit there and not defend me....I'm almost throught the shock of it all and am thinking of walking out but when I tell him I'm through, he cries his eyes out saying he was manipulated by her through their whole marriage and she tricked him and for me to please give him another chance. I am so disgusted by the whole thing I don't know how this marriage would ever make it. I don't trust him, there will always be that connection with his ex due to their children..etc. I love him still but really don't see this working....I told him as a last ditch effort I would write this to see what advice was given...so anyone with any suggestions, please make them....I honestly don't know where to go from here.
restless_woman Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 I feel for you hon. IMHO, your hubby is a snot. He has shown himself to be a untrustworthy shagger, and I would get out now. He obviously has a short (or selective) memory when it comes to his ex. The tattoo would have tipped me over the edge and I think you have put up with more than enough. I could be diplomatic and say, 'do counselling', but I would not waste any more time on him. Again, this is only my opinion and it is your life. Cheers.
Ladyjane14 Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 ....I told him as a last ditch effort I would write this to see what advice was given...so anyone with any suggestions, please make them....I honestly don't know where to go from here. Well, let me tell you then. RUN! All you've lost so far is a little bit of money, a little bit of time, and a whole lot of tears. The woman poisoned your dog! She's a psycho. And the only peace you'll ever have from her is to put her completely out of your life. The fact that your husband not only allowed this mistreatment of you, but HELPED to perpetrate it, makes him as crazy as she is. They ALL cry when they're caught, honey. It doesn't mean a thing. Actions speak louder than words, and this guy has none to recommend him. Get out while you can. Call a cop if you need help doing it. Don't spend your life in misery over a mistake you made while assessing a man's character. p.s. I hope hope you don't feel that I've minimized the loss of your pregnancy by not including it in the list above. It's a sad thing to miscarry a baby, particularly when the child is so wanted. But, in a list of pluses and minuses... you are NOT tied to this guy by a lifelong bond. And in moments when you're feeling the loss of the child you might have had, I think there's potential comfort in knowing it.
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