Racheal09 Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 I have been married for almost 9 years now. About a year ago my husband told me that he was not happy in the marriage (came out of no where for me) and that he thought we should get a divorce. After about a week of talking and him being out of the home we decided that we needed to focus more on our relationship and the problems that were there rather than just giving up on it. We have 3 kids together and decided not only for the kids but for each other to try and work it out. It is a year later and beleive me it has not been easy. We try and talk about what is going on with each other and our relationship but I feel he is backing away from me. He seems distant and when I think back it is the way he was before. He has been spending some extra time on the computer. Not enough to make me really question him but make me wonder. The other day I checked our computers history for the kids as I do about once a month and under my daughters log in there were adult sites. I went to them to see what was going on. Thinking maybe she was getting into things she shouldn't. I had put parental controls on but they had been turned off. Using the password only my husband and I know. After clicking on a few of the sites one had a saved user name and password. I checked out the profile and could not beleive that it sounded just like my husband. He was looking for erotic emails and chats and (maybe more if intrested). I didn't know what to do. He told the truth about himself said that he was married and not looking for a steady relationship.. that he just wanted something extra that something was missing in his relationship. He also said that he would be willing to meet as he works odd hours and out of town. This has me very worried and I don't know what to do. Do I confront him about it? Is going to adult sites cheating if nothing ever happens? How do I know if something would happen? It is not like he is going to come out and tell me. I am very confused and don't know how to bring it up. He has always been the sort of person who looked down on cheating and when he has known friends that have done it he has told me that it is wrong and if you are not happy with the person you are with you should not be with them. But then why is he going to the sites if he is not looking for something? any suggestions? Racheal
CallMeCrazy Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 That is just scary to me! It sounds like he is looking to meet up with random people for sexual encounters! Ugh. What's your financial situation? Do you work? Can you leave? I worry about what kind of creepy people he could meet.... and what if he brings them to your home?!? Think about the safety of your children. Not only that, but you have to think about your own health. Do you want to risk catching an STD? It's possible to spread some diseases even if they use a condom! This is worse than an affair to me. It's blatent disregard for your relationship and your health. I imagine he has some serious sexual issues and needs therapy. I would contact an attorney and your financial advisor and get out asap.
Mr. Lucky Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 This has me very worried and I don't know what to do. Do I confront him about it? Is going to adult sites cheating if nothing ever happens? How do I know if something would happen? It is not like he is going to come out and tell me. Well, one school of thought in these situations is this - since you don't know what someone WILL do, you have to prepare for what they CAN do. And someone who has registered on a "friends" website and contacted other people can easily have casual sex. So I think you have to accept that as a fact in your current situation. Where to go from there is up to you and you only. Were it me, I would certainly drag this out in the open and deal with it. Beats sitting around, waiting for the other shoe to fall. I wish you well... Mr. Lucky
4whatItsWorth Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 He told the truth about himself said that he was married and not looking for a steady relationship.. that he just wanted something extra that something was missing in his relationship. He also said that he would be willing to meet as he works odd hours and out of town. It seems to me that he is not trying to fix the problems in the relationship if he seeks outside "help" to fulfill his needs. How is your sex life? Frequent, non-existent? Does he have a high sex-drive compared to yours? People who look outside a relationship sometimes have needs that are not being fulfilled at home, therefore they seek them outside. In this case, there is no OW but that is almost worse because he could catch ANYTHING from those people he sleep with and then pass it on to you...and you wouldn't even know it! He could give you HIV for all you know! Had he been on it recently? When was the last log in? I think you should copy the information, print it out and confront him with it. He probably wasn't thinking very visely thinking he'd not get caught seeing as he didn't clear the history. Perhaps his solution that year before was to stay for the kids and now he thinks "if I'm not getting my needs filled in this marriage I better seek them outside"...or perhaps he is a sex addict. Either way - you need to stand up for yourself before you get an STD...he needs to open up his eyes to what he could do to you if he goes through with this! He should be at risk of losing you, and if THAT doesn't devastate him enough...then there isn't much more to it than staying for the children. And God knows my parents did that and it ended in a very bad way...
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