bobbydygytul Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Im a 30 yo male and about 3 months ago i have met the most perect woman. It just seems like a dream come true and she feels the same way about me. We talk for at least 3 -4 hours a day and we go out often. We get along so perfect and i like everthing about her. I find myself thinking about her constantly all day. Her friends told me the other day that she non stops talks about me all the time. She says im the most wonderful guy she has ever met and a dream come true to her. She even told me that she wants me in her life forever. If there ever was such thing as love at first site (not sure i believe in love at first site), this would be it. After seeing her for about 3 months or so, we have developed feelings for each other. The funny thing is, we have never had sex. We have only kissed. Not sure why. About a week ago we really started talking about having sex. Then she dropped a bomb on me. She told me she has a secret and that she's scared to tell me in fear of losing me because she really likes me alot and that she has developed feelings for me. She said if she tells me, then i will probably leave her. Well she finally told me her deep secret. She told me she has genital herpes. Well when she told me that, it did scare me to death. I didn't know anything about herpes other that it being bad. Im completely 100% disease and STD free and i dont want to ever catch anything like that. Well it broke my heart hearing that and i evened planned to end this with her now and never talk to her again. I couldn't do it. I REALLY like her alot and have deep feelings for her. Im not sure how it will work though because sex is a big thing in a relationship and i dont want to ever get herpes, but at the same time i dont want her out of my life. She says she has had boyfriends in the past that does not have it and none of them has ever gotten it from her and that they always use condoms for protection. She also says she hasn't had an outbreak in 2 years. Im so scared, im not sure where to go. I want to be with her and have sex, but im just so damn scare. Can anyone give me some advice?
Star Gazer Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 First, educate yourself. 1 in 5 men, and 1 in 4 women have genital herpes. Of those people, 90% of them aren't even aware that they have it. As such, unless you're a virgin, there's a very real chance that you've already slept with someone who has it and either didn't tell you or didn't know they had it to begin with. I don't have herpes, but I know people who do. It's my understanding that outbreaks are much more painful/irritating to women than men, and that for both the emotional pain (such as your GF experienced in having to tell you) is much more difficult than the physical symptoms. The guys I know who have it have described it as an "inconvenience," and many of them have gone years without an outbreak. While it is still possible to transmit herpes during a period of remission, it's much less than if the person has an active outbreak. I've read and heard that people with herpes somehow feel or know that an outbreak is about to occur. When they feel that feeling, they refrain from having sex. If I were in your shoes, I'd have an amazing amount of respect for this girl simply for the fact that she told you. I can't imagine how difficult of a conversation that must have been for her. Given what an intense connection you seem to have, I'd suggest you really educate yourself on this before making the decision to bail.
gonetildecember Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 I have no experience with herpes and have never had a partner with it (just letting you know) but just from general knowledge, here are some suggestions: 1. Look it up. Google it, so you are more informed. 2. Remember that I guess it can happen to everyone, so think about it before you end things hastily. If you like her that much, maybe you should give it some more thought. 3. If you decide to stay. Wear protection!! I think a lot of people with it take medication to try to decrease outbreaks.. and if she hasn't had one in a couple years I guess that's a good thing. I would just be careful if I were you and make sure you use protection at all times. And do your research to assess your risks before you decide if you want to go ahead with the relationship.
Racquel Colette Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Wow, that is a really good response, SG.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Can anyone give me some advice? I've been in your situation before. I dated her anyway. Lasted about 7 months, never caught anything. But seriously... Put her on valtrex!! It's not that hard! Oh, and herpes is a little different for everyone. It can be extremely painful... even for guys!
Nutshell Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Been lurking for some time and thought I should chime in on this. I am a male with herpes and I have to agree with StarGazer. Having to tell a new potential partner about it is the worst part of having it. Honestly, if I had to choose between having a cold for a week or having an outbreak for a week, I'd take the outbreak. In terms of actual physical discomfort I find the cold worse. Knowing what I know now I would take the chance if I was in your place but that's obviously easier for me to say having actually contracted the disease. Certainly read up on it and weigh your options before saying goodbye to someone you feel so strongly about.
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