Mel1509 Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Hi. I would really appreciate your views on my breakup. In March this year I met this great guy, tall, cute, funny, good job, nice house etc and couldn't believe my luck when he seemed to be really into me too. He had been separated fom his wife for six months when we met and had two young kids. Right from the start he wanted to involve me in his life, wanted me to meet his family and friends and the kids early on and wanted to meet my family. I was trying to play it cool as to not scare him off, as we are told to do but all this stuff came from him. He had his house up for sale and took me to look at houses with him with a view to me moving in once the kids were settled. I did meet his kids after about two months and that went well, we got on really well and Iloved them to bits. Things were going so well that I found myself falling for him and, me being me, one night told him this after a few glasses of wine, which I don't regret because it was how I felt. He never said it back to me, only that he was "falling for me" which he said one drunken night after a party at which I first met the kids. In July his sister moved in with him after she left her husband as he has this massive house and she was living at their parents in a single room with her little girl. It wasn't the best situation for me but I never said anything, after all she was his little sister and it was the best solution for both of them. He took his house off the market as he could now afford to pay for it and no more was said about me moving in. After about a month we were in the pub one day and he was talking about the future, himself, his kids and his sister and said he wanted his sister to live with him for the next four or five years. Naturally (I think) I wondered where this left me as I had fallen for the guy and missed him all the time when we weren't together. After a couple of drinks I asked him, all I said was "if we are still together in two or three years do you ever want me to move in with you"? He said he couldn't think long term at the moment and all he could focuse on were his kids. I ended up crying in the toilets for a bit then we went back to his and he got upset over his kids ( their mum had taken them on holiday with her boyfriend, she had left him) and I came home. We e-mailed the day after with him apologising for getting upset and me apologising for having had too much to drink and arranged to meet up at weekend. I then got a text to say "I need some space this weekend, my heads in bits" so I left him alone and text him a couple of days later to ask how he was, I didn't get a reply until two days later to say "I just want to be on my own, I'm sorry, I can't give you what you want" and was told to "take care of myself". I am totally devasted and can't seem to stop blaming myself for asking him about where I stood. So please tell me, was I being unreasonable and would you have said the same thing?
minerva63 Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 It's natural to think "if only I had/hadn't done it this way" when things come to a crashing halt. I think it was already in his mind and there was nothing you could have done about it. Your question didn't plant the thought in his mind, it only gave him the opportunity to express it. If I were you I would back off and give him space and time. He may turn around. But chasing him via texts, emails, and phonecalls would probably have the opposite effect that you want. Hang in there.
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