Lorjay Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months. We started out having sex pretty early on and she assures me that she is satisfied but sometimes I don't believe her that I actually do please her. I work out of town and this last time I was gone for 5 weeks. She drove down to visit me twice and we had sex and it was nice to see her. I just got home last night around midnight and was excited to see her. She had told me over the phone that we had some things to talk about when I got home. (we have had several conflicts around trust, LDR's recently. we both have some feelings of insecurity, occasional depression, lonliness, moodswings, etc.....) So when we got down to the talk, she told me that she wants to become a christian so that she can overcome her lifes obstacles and move forward with me into the future in a positive relationship. She said that in order to be a christian we should not have sex anymore. What should I do? Thanks for listening.
gonetildecember Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Her religious path is def. her choice. And if she chooses to become a Christian, if you want to be with her, you will have to respect her choice and live with it. If not (if you can't handle the no sex thing, then walk away I guess). At least if you decide to stay with her and she goes thru with it, you'll know that she's doing it because it makes her feel better about herself, and she is taking an acting approach to try to create a better relationship with you. Do you love her enough to respect her decision and give up sex with her?
Ruthieo01 Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I would not take it a rejection. She feels that this is something that she needs to do and is hoping that you will respect her decision. I know as a christian women, that is one of the hardest things to tell a guy. Think about it, you know it is going to be just as hard for her as it is for you. Trust what she says. It will probably make your relationship a lot stronger. Talk to her about it. Be open with how you feel. Ask she what she wants the bounderies(SP) to be. With specifices! It could turn into a really steamy conversation Another plus, when she does decide that she wants to again. Think of how great it will be! Hope that helps
cj1988 Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 That is not a rejection, but can you go without it now for her? That is a lot to ask a person like me !
dancinggal Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Wow, that's tough. I'm not sure if I could be cut out for that, but if you can be that supportive of her during this time, then you deserve a medal. Someone said it before, I guess you need to discuss things like boundaries and why she feels the need to do this, etc. Good luck!
reservoirdog1 Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Sex isn't the only important thing in a relationship. But, it's still pretty damned important. The only person who can decide if you're willing to commit to a sexless relationship is you. She can't be faulted for her choices, whatever you may think of them. She has a right to her principles and to be firm in them. But, so do you. Particularly since the relationship involved sex at first, if that's suddenly withheld -- potentially for a very long time, i.e. until marriage -- then you'd be totally without fault for ending it and moving on. In short, you should only be willing to commit to a newly-sexless relationship if (a) you're okay with that, and (b) she's the one you want to marry.
dancinggal Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 For me, I couldn't do it, but I guess people are different and have different needs in a relationship. I guess its different though if you are already in a relationship with someone and you are in love with them. I guess its up to you to look at the circumstances and decide based on the reasons and outcomes it will achieve. Good luck.
sderenzi Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 Wonderful, a Christian you say? Run far, far away as fast as you can. Those who become Christian are somewhat looney and you can't ever depend on them for anything stable. You'll probably find she keeps changing her mind each week, or she ends up sleeping with some other guy randomly.
elaina Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 Wonderful, a Christian you say? Run far, far away as fast as you can. Those who become Christian are somewhat looney and you can't ever depend on them for anything stable. You'll probably find she keeps changing her mind each week, or she ends up sleeping with some other guy randomly. Lol That's so funny. If you are intolerant, then yeah of course run as fast as you can! I personally admire her though, cause she wants to stand by her convictions. thats an admirable trait in anybody. If you love her, why not support her? If you don't love her, then yeah run.
sderenzi Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 Lol That's so funny. I declare you a good female and dat we shud marry very soon
elaina Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 I declare you a good female and dat we shud marry very soon lol I am somewhat looney (as that seems to equal Christian) and I'm hoping to marry my boyfriend. Surprising huh? I'll pray for you to find someone special...
sderenzi Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 lol I am somewhat looney (as that seems to equal Christian) and I'm hoping to marry my boyfriend. Surprising huh? I'll pray for you to find someone special... I already have, now all that remains is to get you to dump that bf of yours
elaina Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 Ok get ready to run... I have already made a commitment to God and myself not to have sex before getting married, there you go there's your on your mark get set go signal...
sderenzi Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 Ok get ready to run... I have already made a commitment to God and myself not to have sex before getting married, there you go there's your on your mark get set go signal... How wonderful, since I wasn't planning on getting laid anyways you're the perfect gurl for me! We can be miserable together in the comfort niether of us will get any
elaina Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 Lol!!! Well see my boyfriend has always known my convictions and he supports me, even though yet it's difficult, but we aren't miserable. It's hard to explain, it's like waiting for Christmas to open the gifts...
dancinggal Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 I'd admire anyone who does things because they know they are the right thing for them to do. If you feel you don't want to have sex before you get married, that's your personal choice, and that's cool. Personally, there is no way I could do it. Sex isn't the most important thing to me, but its pretty high on the list. I guess people have different priorities.
sderenzi Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 Lol!!! Well see my boyfriend has always known my convictions and he supports me, even though yet it's difficult, but we aren't miserable. It's hard to explain, it's like waiting for Christmas to open the gifts... View me then as that Christmas gift you left behind without really knowing it, then later when your current one is boring and uninteresting you find mem come to open me up, that way it'll be like getting another one!
wizer Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 Tell her that since you have already had sex she can still be a Christian and also have sex with you because it's like a "grandfather clause". If she refuses then tell her that you will be forced to start seeing other women, and/or you will not be able to see her anymore because you need to have sex in a relationship. She may be just BSing you and is using the whole Christian thing as an excuse.
lovelorcet Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 Maybe this is just her way of trying to get you to end the relationship. I personally would have major problems with someone like this and lack of sex would only be one of them.
elaina Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 View me then as that Christmas gift you left behind without really knowing it, then later when your current one is boring and uninteresting you find mem come to open me up, that way it'll be like getting another one! No thanks. Back to the topic, I don't think she's using you (the one who started this thread) or is trying to end the relationship. I think she just wants to do what she believes is right. That doesn't mean that she doesn't love you, it just means that she has a belief that is now different or stronger than before when she and you got into the relationship. If you do love her, then even if you don't like it you can respect her and support her but yeah it's completely your decision. If you don't love her, then it is best to move on and explain to her that you don't want someone with her convictions. You're free to make your own decisions and live how you want but just please don't hurt her. I think she would love for you to support her even if you don't agree, but there's only a few guys in the world who have the self-control, discipline, respect for their loved one, and patience to wait.
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