squeak Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I really don't think it's women's fault. I don't believe they're trying to lie to you. But I do think they either believe or truly want to believe that they want a lovesick puppy. That would make them "nicer" and that person they want to be. I don't think they understand how that leads to feelings of boredom or restlessness in them, however. Okay-you want the truth? You know how you guys want a be a girls first- or to rescue the damsel in constant distress because it validates yourselves as being masculine or being able to appreciate virtue? Generally speaking- a woman wants the formerly untameable guy who could not be broken by other women to change and turn into the lovesick puppy for her. A common need of a woman is to feel she is different then and more special than any other woman before her. That is why the emotionally unavailable man is appealing intitially, she is hoping he will come around and be changed by the power of her love. She wants to believe she has the power to do this, because she is unique and special, unlike any before her! Or if the lovesick puppy thing occurs at the beginning-she needs to feel sure he was never like that before her, that she is inspiring this *first* for him. Nothing is more sickening than finding out he treated his ex's that way too, makes one feel anonymous replaceable. Sound familiar? So...a woman doesn't want all that lovsickness right away-she wants to feel you were never capable of that with another and it is just her that inspires you to be that way. It is the same dynamic as wanting to be a girls first. Think about it.
Krytie TV Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 That's the closest thing to an honest response yet. Thank you squeak.
melodymatters Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Okay-you want the truth? You know how you guys want a be a girls first- or to rescue the damsel in constant distress because it validates yourselves as being masculine or being able to appreciate virtue? Generally speaking- a woman wants the formerly untameable guy who could not be broken by other women to change and turn into the lovesick puppy for her. A common need of a woman is to feel she is different then and more special than any other woman before her. That is why the emotionally unavailable man is appealing intitially, she is hoping he will come around and be changed by the power of her love. She wants to believe she has the power to do this, because she is unique and special, unlike any before her! Or if the lovesick puppy thing occurs at the beginning-she needs to feel sure he was never like that before her, that she is inspiring this *first* for him. Nothing is more sickening than finding out he treated his ex's that way too, makes one feel anonymous replaceable. Sound familiar? So...a woman doesn't want all that lovsickness right away-she wants to feel you were never capable of that with another and it is just her that inspires you to be that way. It is the same dynamic as wanting to be a girls first. Think about it. DING DING DING DING ! When you're right, you're right.
squeak Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Well Krytie and Melodymatters, thanks-I think you hear truth because I know this first hand.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Well Krytie and Melodymatters, thanks-I think you hear truth because I know this first hand. I wrecked a relationship to bits that should have been good when I caught a whiff that he (my ex) was also like that with his ex's. I started to compare if I was getting more than they had, and proceeded to tear apart the relationship little by little because of that disappointed anger, of not being the one to first inspire his feelings of loyalty and devotion and lovesickness- wondering if I was getting *second best*- I didn't stop until it was disintegrated, I was consumed by jealousy/anger. Sick, but true. This is all very true! However, I think this tends to be found more in women with moderate to good self esteem! Women with large self value issues tend to be different in this category. Even provided the guy goes from emotionally detached to lovesick puppy, this will wear thin with her eventually!
sumdude Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Well Krytie and Melodymatters, thanks-I think you hear truth because I know this first hand. I wrecked a relationship to bits that should have been good when I caught a whiff that he (my ex) was also like that with his ex's. I started to compare if I was getting more than they had, and proceeded to tear apart the relationship little by little because of that disappointed anger, of not being the one to first inspire his feelings of loyalty and devotion and lovesickness- wondering if I was getting *second best*- I didn't stop until it was disintegrated, I was consumed by jealousy/anger. Sick, but true. It all comes down to expectations... having realistic ones.. it can be painful to learn that lesson. *sigh* No one is going to love us the way they loved someone else, different people in a different time. Kind of like the idea of finding "The One"...in a world of 5 billion or so there are millions of potential "Ones" You know how you guys want a be a girls first- or to rescue the damsel in constant distress because it validates yourselves as being masculine or being able to appreciate virtue? Oh yeah, we need to feel needed and like to fix things so we fall into that trap. Then after a while it starts to seem 'controlling' so what was once attractive becomes annoying. The flip side being that after enough time, when you realize the distress is coming more from the inside than the outside and it doesn't ever stop... Confidence, I think it means different things to different people. Obviously there's general low self esteem or social anxiety stuff but beyond that I think approval seeking is one of the big turn off's... hence the 'too nice' label that is generously applied. I value confidence in a mate ... especially for a life partner... if something happens to me she'd better be able to take care of business.
squeak Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Oh yeah, we need to feel needed and like to fix things so we fall into that trap. Then after a while it starts to seem 'controlling' so what was once attractive becomes annoying. The flip side being that after enough time, when you realize the distress is coming more from the inside than the outside and it doesn't ever stop... Confidence, I think it means different things to different people. Obviously there's general low self esteem or social anxiety stuff but beyond that I think approval seeking is one of the big turn off's... hence the 'too nice' label that is generously applied. I'm confused-are you saying that damsel in distress that feeds the male ego is a turn off also in the long run because it = approval seeking/too nice? I don't understand the connection-please explain more?
squeak Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 This is all very true! However, I think this tends to be found more in women with moderate to good self esteem! Women with large self value issues tend to be different in this category. Even provided the guy goes from emotionally detached to lovesick puppy, this will wear thin with her eventually! So based on experiences you think that the girl would still get sick of a guy who was doting/affectionate constantly? I don't know, so long as it wasn't like *I have no life or will to live except for you-save me!* type affection, it sounds pretty nice to me! Given that I felt I earned it to begin with......and that it came from a genuine place of affection -not needy or desperate.
confused39 Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I've had both. My exH was a love sick puppy, but had no backbone. TOTAL turn off. My current BF has tons of backbone, but finds it hard to really let himself go with me emotionally...but we're getting there. I guess sometimes it just takes time! It's nice, being "courted" and pursued. But yeah...it's REALLY nice when all signs point that he's as into you as you are into him and he's not afraid to let it show.
Trialbyfire Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Generally speaking- a woman wants the formerly untameable guy who could not be broken by other women to change and turn into the lovesick puppy for her. squeak, I don't want this. I can't stand lovesick puppies. What I want is someone who cares about me as much as I care about them. No games. The only problem I'm currently experiencing is even wanting to invest in anyone. It just feels like a waste of energy right now. I love and value my freedom too much, to want to give it up quite yet. If and when I'm ready, I will be back on the dating market and looking for someone who can meet me halfway.
sumdude Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I'm confused-are you saying that damsel in distress that feeds the male ego is a turn off also in the long run because it = approval seeking/too nice? I don't understand the connection-please explain more? Guess I wasn't that clear... The flip side being that after enough time, when you realize the distress is coming more from the inside than the outside and it doesn't ever stop... It's when after a long time the distress never goes away. She creates it... hence the damsel in distress = drama queen. She needs crisis/distress to feel normal (for her) or be the center of attention. If there's no crisis one must be created. Some women are professional damsels, once thier current knight finally runs out of energy from slaying all those dragons she has to find the next one and wear him out.
melodymatters Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Guess I wasn't that clear... It's when after a long time the distress never goes away. She creates it... hence the damsel in distress = drama queen. She needs crisis/distress to feel normal (for her) or be the center of attention. If there's no crisis one must be created. Some women are professional damsels, once thier current knight finally runs out of energy from slaying all those dragons she has to find the next one and wear him out. I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm not one myself, but I have certainly known my share of woman like that. This is an interesting thread.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 So based on experiences you think that the girl would still get sick of a guy who was doting/affectionate constantly? I don't know, so long as it wasn't like *I have no life or will to live except for you-save me!* type affection, it sounds pretty nice to me! Given that I felt I earned it to begin with......and that it came from a genuine place of affection -not needy or desperate. Squeak, thats because you generally have good self esteem and a good perspective on life! However, you definitely hit on the reason many women who are "self-haters" tend to lose interest in Mr. Wonderful. When someone loves you, and you dont feel that you deserve it, that turns into a feeling of "whats wrong with him?". You start to feel like he either is not genuine, or that he obviously has something very wrong with him. It's twisted logic, but just look around and you will see it in play all the time! It's really hard to explain... but I know your going to understand that because its something you mentioned, so it probably will resonate in your mind strongly!
lino Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 You know how you guys want a be a girls first- or to rescue the damsel in constant distress because it validates yourselves as being masculine or being able to appreciate virtue? squeak, I think what you said made some sense but probably not this part above. I can't speak for all but I'm quite sure most guys in current times don't really want this. If by being a girls first you mean being the one to take her virginity then no, I'm definitely not interested in that. I'm not into virgins at all. A damsel in constant distress is not very appealing either because like another guy said, a woman like that is probably just a drama queen. I've had a few of them, no more thanks
bish Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I'm kind of a sucker for a lovesick fool who falls all over himself when he's around me. This last guy, he was so nervous after first meeting me, he called his friend who set us up and said "This woman is really special, she made my knees buckle just meeting her. How do you proceed with someone like that?" The kind of guy who calls the next day after the first date because he was so taken with you. The kind of guy who opens your door, even after you've been dating for 10 months. The kind of guy who trims your bushes while you are away on vacation because it was blocking your doorway. This is NOT a doormat....it's the little things that count! Forget the "confident I don't call" fascade. Women want the "lovesick fool" from that country song a while back. "I'm a sucker for the lovesick fool, the kind who carries all your books in school...." We want a guy who feels, not "portrays." Just be yourself! Damn right! Finally a woman that understands a man that gets weak in the knees just by being in her precense. If a man wants to play that, I'll play hard to get crap...then to hell with him. People need to start letting each other know how they feel about one another. the macho head games, or the women playing hard to get is for the birds. I've never met anyone who acts like that who could be trusted.
Sean0775 Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Okay-you want the truth? You know how you guys want a be a girls first- or to rescue the damsel in constant distress because it validates yourselves as being masculine or being able to appreciate virtue? Generally speaking- a woman wants the formerly untameable guy who could not be broken by other women to change and turn into the lovesick puppy for her. A common need of a woman is to feel she is different then and more special than any other woman before her. That is why the emotionally unavailable man is appealing intitially, she is hoping he will come around and be changed by the power of her love. She wants to believe she has the power to do this, because she is unique and special, unlike any before her! Or if the lovesick puppy thing occurs at the beginning-she needs to feel sure he was never like that before her, that she is inspiring this *first* for him. Nothing is more sickening than finding out he treated his ex's that way too, makes one feel anonymous replaceable. Sound familiar? So...a woman doesn't want all that lovsickness right away-she wants to feel you were never capable of that with another and it is just her that inspires you to be that way. It is the same dynamic as wanting to be a girls first. Think about it. I've been told this disgustingly selfish truth by several female friends. If people would get out of their dream world and start being realistic we'd all be a lot happier.
Jack Africa Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 I am not talking about a guy who is insecure and low self-esteem. The guy in your first post REEKS of insecurity and low esteem . After three months of fawning worship from him you will be back looking for some cocky dude who makes you open your own doors (and your own wallet)
JCD Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 I know women who grew tired of trying to change a guy and went for a nicer guy instead. I also know guys who grew tired of catering to a woman in distress and went for a woman with less drama. So, I think that people change their minds about who they want after couple of failed relationships. I also think that being in love brings out that love sick puppy feeling in a person. So people should be happy that someone is head over heels for them if only for some time before contempt comes in.
Star Gazer Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 squeak, I don't want this. You don't want to be with a man who wants you more than any other woman that ever came before you? Hmm, I doubt that.
Trialbyfire Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 You don't want to be with a man who wants you more than any other woman that ever came before you? Hmm, I doubt that. Here's what I don't want. I don't want a formerly untameable guy who turns into a lovesick puppy. Generally speaking- a woman wants the formerly untameable guy who could not be broken by other women to change and turn into the lovesick puppy for her.
oppath Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Here's what I don't want. I don't want a formerly untameable guy who turns into a lovesick puppy. Then date me. I'm allergic to dogs!
Star Gazer Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Then date me. I'm allergic to dogs! That, my darling, is why we can never be! I know the type of guy I want. A Lloyd Dobler, holding the radio over his head outside my bedroom window after I've irrationally broken up with him. Luckily, I kinda have that guy now.
Star Gazer Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Here's what I don't want. I don't want a formerly untameable guy who turns into a lovesick puppy. I understand the lovesick puppy part. What I was getting at is that I DO think that every girl wants to have that *something special* - almost like a power over the guy - so that if he ever did have the capability of being a lovesick puppy, she'd be the only one to draw it out of him, if only for a minute. Make sense?
oppath Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 That, my darling, is why we can never be! I know the type of guy I want. A Lloyd Dobler, holding the radio over his head outside my bedroom window after I've irrationally broken up with him. Luckily, I kinda have that guy now. If a girl breaks up with me for any reason, I'm done. Not going to happen. I know what you mean, though, you want someone who loves you in such a way that your friends say "I've never seen someone love another person so much."
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