fray718 Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 There will always be two kinds of people in the world. The self-entitled, where everyone is to be used.The average person, who believes in "Do unto others".Karma can be a real biatch... I'm a #2 who always ends up dating #1s Hopefully, this new guy I have is a #2 like me
Trialbyfire Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 I'm a #2 who always ends up dating #1s Hopefully, this new guy I have is a #2 like me Good luck fray.
Krytie TV Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Hmm. If this was a guy posting, every woman on here would be ranting about having sex while dating multiple people. What you're doing is fine until you start having sex. You know you can pass on things orally, so this other nice guy that you're dating is being put at risk. You need to tell him to let him make the right choice for him.
Racquel Colette Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Jesus, cut the poor nice guy who might be marriage material loose. It would absolutely make me want to vomit if some girl I was sweet on was boning another guy while we were getting to know each other. But that would make a fun story on your wedding night, hmmm? Seriously, stop seeing the guy or at the very least let him know you are dating someone else as well. You very well may loose him, but it will be better for both of you. This I have to agree with. Put yourself in the guy's shoes. What if you were dating a guy and you REALLY liked him, wanted to be his girlfriend, but he was out having sex wtih other women? You'd feel like crap. think about when you were with your exboyfriend, when things were really good, in the 'honeymoon' stage...if he was sleeping with someone else, that kind of puts a damper on the whole thing, doesn't it? I'm not saying the guy you're sleeping with is even a bad guy or that he isn't even genuine. My feeling is you wouldn't be on here asking this question if you really were OK with what you were doing.
lino Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 I'd be willing to bet anything that the nice guy you think you'll marry one day will no longer be such a guy when he finds out what you're doing to him.
Author EllieBear Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 WOW! Thanks everyone for posting! The only thing I see wrong with what I'm doing is not telling guy #1 that I'm seeing someone else. I would be upset if he was doing this to me! I know Guy #2 isn't who I want to date, but for some reason I can't help but want to see him..I'm cutting guy #2 lose because why waste my time with someone I know I don't want to date. Thanks again all..Any more advice is appericated!!
Lovegod Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Why do I have the feeling guy #2 hasn't heard the last from you? Oh yeah, the bunny effect... ... The man who provides the most interesting and exciting times for the woman will come out a winner. You ditched a man who is able to sexually please you for a guy who points and says "where's that lead to?" If I were you, I'd ditch both of them and keep looking.
Author EllieBear Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 I like your Posts Lovegod! You def have an idea what is going on and I really am taking your advice...I think some people are jealous that they don't have this problem...Having two guys at once! Just Kidding...Laugh! It was suppose to be funny!
Trialbyfire Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 I like your Posts Lovegod! You def have an idea what is going on and I really am taking your advice...I think some people are jealous that they don't have this problem...Having two guys at once! Just Kidding...Laugh! It was suppose to be funny! Why would anyone be jealous or envious of someone who strings people along? Getting multiple men is easy to do. More difficult is being honest with them and not stooping to player techniques for dysfunctional validation. Smacks of low self-esteem and a selfish personality.
oppath Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Why would anyone be jealous or envious of someone who strings people along? Getting multiple men is easy to do. More difficult is being honest with them and not stooping to player techniques for dysfunctional validation. Smacks of low self-esteem and a selfish personality. Agreed, it is EASY to date multiple people. the difficult thing to do is to say "I am not ready for a relationship and want to be single. If other men ask me out, I am going to say YES. I'm at a point in my life where I don't want committment and I want to date around, so while I really like you, I'm not interested in monogamy at this time." You admit yourself, if the roles were reversed you would want more information. No, you don't need to tell him about your dating and sex life. You simply need to say "I am dating other people."
Lovegod Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Getting multiple men is easy to do. It is??? I can't even get ONE guy to buy me flowers!!!!! Smacks of low self-esteem and a selfish personality. When I dated multiple women, it was a BOOST to my self-esteem. Also, to spend my time with multiple women isn't selfish. If I were selfish, I'd use that time to spend working out, doing my hobbies, or making money. Using your time to be with others is very un-selfish. stooping to player techniques ...and why is this wrong? Because you said so?
Trialbyfire Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 It is??? I can't even get ONE guy to buy me flowers!!!!! Are you gay? When I dated multiple women, it was a BOOST to my self-esteem. Also, to spend my time with multiple women isn't selfish. If I were selfish, I'd use that time to spend working out, doing my hobbies, or making money. Using your time to be with others is very un-selfish. When I was dating multiple men, I was upfront with them and they were fine with it but it was their choice. Each date was enjoyable because we liked and respected each other. Btw, non-exclusivity for me means...no sex. In order to believe that it's unselfish behaviour to play other people, you have to believe that you're God's gift to women that your company is so valuable, women would fall all over themselves to have a piece of your time. Pretty arrogant... ...and why is this wrong? Because you said so?Some of us believe in being honest with other people and allowing them the right to make their own decisions. Apparently you're not one of them.
Lovegod Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Are you gay? Only if you like it that way In order to believe that it's unselfish behaviour to play other people, you have to believe that you're God's gift to women that your company is so valuable, women would fall all over themselves to have a piece of your time. Pretty arrogant... Sorry, but I can't control how other women behave around me. It's quite amazing actually - living the life of a rock star without the money. You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you half of the 5hit that happens when I go out, so I won't waste my time. Some of us believe in being honest with other people and allowing them the right to make their own decisions. Apparently you're not one of them. You my dear, are jumping to conclusions about me. I'm probably one of the most honest people you'll ever meet. Yet because I enjoy the company of multiple women, that makes me dishonest. That's like telling a person they're a satanist because they listen to Judas Priest.
Trialbyfire Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 You my dear, are jumping to conclusions about me. I'm probably one of the most honest people you'll ever meet. Yet because I enjoy the company of multiple women, that makes me dishonest. That's like telling a person they're a satanist because they listen to Judas Priest. Do you tell women you are dating others?
oppath Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Do you tell women you are dating others? Actually, she is not obligated to inform him, though he would be nice, except she told him she had no interest in dating others, yet she is dating someone else! Should she tell the dude? Replace should with "it would be nice if...". Because she told him she was not interested in dating other people, but she is, then she has directly lied to him. Withholding information that can allow someone to make an informed decision about their relationships, about their life is wrong. If it weren't for that, I'd have a slightly different stance, although I think it would be nice to explicitly say "I dont' want a relationship, I'm not ready, AND I WANT TO DATE AROUND RIGHT NOW." The OP is withholding the second part of that sentence. It's like when my ex said "It's not you, it's me, I don't know who I am and need to find myself..." she left out the second half of that sentence, "on dates and in bed with other men," which was surely relevant considering she wanted to be friends with benefits. She was withholding information that would allow me CHOICE. The OP is not yet in a relationship, but they had an existing friendship. I'd think that friendship would warrant full disclosure, not details, but the general theme of her life: "I am not ready for a relationship AND I want to date others."
Trialbyfire Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Actually, she is not obligated to inform him, though he would be nice, except she told him she had no interest in dating others, yet she is dating someone else! Should she tell the dude? Replace should with "it would be nice if...". Because she told him she was not interested in dating other people, but she is, then she has directly lied to him. Withholding information that can allow someone to make an informed decision about their relationships, about their life is wrong. If it weren't for that, I'd have a slightly different stance, although I think it would be nice to explicitly say "I dont' want a relationship, I'm not ready, AND I WANT TO DATE AROUND RIGHT NOW." The OP is withholding the second part of that sentence. It's like when my ex said "It's not you, it's me, I don't know who I am and need to find myself..." she left out the second half of that sentence, "on dates and in bed with other men," which was surely relevant considering she wanted to be friends with benefits. She was withholding information that would allow me CHOICE. The OP is not yet in a relationship, but they had an existing friendship. I'd think that friendship would warrant full disclosure, not details, but the general theme of her life: "I am not ready for a relationship AND I want to date others." She's stringing both guys along without due knowledge. Whether it's directly lying or lying by omission, same difference to me. However you choose to couch it, letting people believe you are exclusive to them, when you're not, is bad business.
oppath Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 She's stringing both guys along without due knowledge. Whether it's directly lying or lying by omission, same difference to me. However you choose to couch it, letting people believe you are exclusive to them, when you're not, is bad business. Well, she has not led him to believe they are exclusive, because she has made it clear they are not in a relationship...except she has told him she is not and does not want to date anyone else. But she is. I would say she owes him no explanations up to the point of sex with someone else, at which point it would be the right thing to say "I met someone else and also want to date him. I understand that this might hurt you, but I value you and want to be honest. I still want to date you, I'm just not ready for a relationship." As a friend, of course, I would say that if you know you can't give him what he wants, the only caring thing to do as that friend would be to walk away and allow him to find someone who can give him the relationship he deserves.
Trialbyfire Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 he told me he's not seeing other ppl nor does he want too and I told him I'm not looking...So that basically means we are just seeing each other and that means he's my boyfriend! Right? I don't want him to be just yet...I'm just not ready for that yet...I haven't been looking But I have met someone else... The other guy has no idea I am seeing someone else. I have been going back and forth and I'm not sure what to do...I like them both...guy one which has been there from the beginning is someone I can see marrying! So I'm leaning toward him, but guy 2 is also nice and great in bed...and I like being with him...It's like I want my cake and to eat it too...but I just feel like I'm not ready for a bf so why can't I date more then one?! I don't want to loose guy 1 bc I want to get married one day and he might be the one.... Read all the bolded areas, oppath. She's lying by omission and manipulating, to ensure she keeps both guys.
Trialbyfire Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 You my dear, are jumping to conclusions about me. I'm probably one of the most honest people you'll ever meet. Yet because I enjoy the company of multiple women, that makes me dishonest. That's like telling a person they're a satanist because they listen to Judas Priest. Do you tell women you are dating others? Lovegod, answer my question since you're so honest.
norajane Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Read all the bolded areas, oppath. She's lying by omission and manipulating, to ensure she keeps both guys. And she's been having sex with both of them.
Trialbyfire Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 And she's been having sex with both of them. STDs anyone? It's always a wonderful gift to someone you supposedly care about...
oppath Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Who wouldn't want to give someone they care about a disease that sounds like the candy "Skittles." All the colors of the rainbow
Trialbyfire Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Don't forget the itching, burning sensations... A gift that keeps on giving.
Author EllieBear Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 Can you say protection! I always use protection...it's not like i'm being careless...and dumb!
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