EllieBear Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Okay...I am dating two guys at once...and I don't know which one I should choose....I just got out of a relationship about 2 months ago...during that relationship my friend who is guy and I would hang out all the time...we didn't really call it dating since I had a boyfriend but I guess we were...he took me out, we hung out but we NEVER kissed or anything...He told me he had feelings for me and I told him I liked him but was with my boyfreind and didn't want to hurt him. But a few months later my bf and I broke up and this guy and I decided to date but I told him right off the bat that I wasn't ready to have a boyfriend just yet...and he said that is cool...So we have been dating...He's a great guy, someone that treats me well, funny, makes me laugh. I'm attracted to him, but he isn't very experience sexually..which bothers me. He wants us to be bf and gf but I told him I'm not ready yet...which I'm not...totally on the rebound...he told me he's not seeing other ppl nor does he want too and I told him I'm not looking...So that basically means we are just seeing each other and that means he's my boyfriend! Right? I don't want him to be just yet...I'm just not ready for that yet...I haven't been looking But I have met someone else... I met this other guy at my other job and I like him...we flirt at work and we have gone out a few times and he's fun! But this guy is someone I can't see myself marrying or being with forever..he's nice, but he doesn't have the best job, parties a lot, drinks and doesn't seem to be going anywhere with life. We no longer work together so that's a plus.. But I am totally attacked to him!!!! We ended up having sex and it was great!!! We spent the whole weekend together...well we met out at a club on thurs came home to my house hooked up he left in the morning and then Friday I met him after work and did the same thing as well as Saturday..Is he using me for sex? I have told him that I'm not ready for a boyfriend and he has told me he wanted to date me but he knows I'm not ready and he said he wouldnt want to date someone that just got out of a relationship...due to the rebound/ all I want to do is go party...which might be the case... The other guy has no idea I am seeing someone else. I have been going back and forth and I'm not sure what to do...I like them both...guy one which has been there from the beginning is someone I can see marrying! So I'm leaning toward him, but guy 2 is also nice and great in bed...and I like being with him...It's like I want my cake and to eat it too...but I just feel like I'm not ready for a bf so why can't I date more then one?! I don't want to loose guy 1 bc I want to get married one day and he might be the one.... Damn..why is life so hard...
reboot Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Why do you have to choose? Dating is just dating. Relationships don't have to always be exclusive.
Lizzie60 Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Keep both... why choose? Men do that all the time.. why can't women date more than one guy at once! You go girl! I'm all for it.. and doing the same.. even with more... and it's not one's business what you do in your 'spare time'...
Trezza Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Why do you have to choose? Dating is just dating. Relationships don't have to always be exclusive. True - I am currently dating 3 girls and having a great time! EllieBear, have some fun, be single for a while! As you said you just got out of a relationship - you owe it to yourself to have a good time before getting tied down in a new realtionship!
acrosstheroom Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 It sounds like things are going well on both fronts so why do you want to make a decision right now? You just want to make sure your honest with them if you want to pursue something more serious in the future. Then again, if you don't have any exclusivity with either of them, it's really none of their business. If i were you I would keep dating these two guys and go see what else is out there in the mean time. That way you can find that huge gorgeous cake and not just sit and stare at it, but eat it too!
Cobra_X30 Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 The other guy has no idea I am seeing someone else. I have been going back and forth and I'm not sure what to do...I like them both...guy one which has been there from the beginning is someone I can see marrying! So I'm leaning toward him, but guy 2 is also nice and great in bed...and I like being with him...It's like I want my cake and to eat it too...but I just feel like I'm not ready for a bf so why can't I date more then one?! I don't want to loose guy 1 bc I want to get married one day and he might be the one.... Damn..why is life so hard... EB, What your doing is not particularly bad. Yes your probably getting used like tissue paper by the one guy... but on the other hand your using him too in a way. How honest and forthright have you been about this situation with your friend? Why does he seem like someone you would marry, yet is not someone you are interested in having sex with? Does that seem healthy to you?
Author EllieBear Posted November 12, 2007 Author Posted November 12, 2007 EB, What your doing is not particularly bad. Yes your probably getting used like tissue paper by the one guy... but on the other hand your using him too in a way. How honest and forthright have you been about this situation with your friend? Why does he seem like someone you would marry, yet is not someone you are interested in having sex with? Does that seem healthy to you? I have not been very honest with my friend..he has NO idea I'm seeing someone else...I know I should tell him...but Im scared I will lose him! He is someone I would want to have sex with and we have...hes just not very experienced and I want someone that knows what they are doing, not having me to tell them what to do...but that just is me..
Lovegod Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 I agree with the others. Just date them and have fun! There's no reason to get serious with either of them (yet). Neither of them sound like they're your ideal mate, so just have fun until you meet your ideal mate!
Trialbyfire Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Overall EllieBear, you're far from ready for a stable relationship. Relax and enjoy being single and dating multiple people. While I'm not the type of person to casually sleep around, this appears to be something you're comfortable doing, therefore, do whatever makes you happy. The other guy has no idea I am seeing someone else. Here's where I have major issues with your methodology. Don't be a player. It's bad enough when people date around and don't tell, but to sleep around and do this...even worse!! From a perspective of STDs...be more responsible and make certain people know what's going on.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 I have not been very honest with my friend..he has NO idea I'm seeing someone else...I know I should tell him...but Im scared I will lose him! He is someone I would want to have sex with and we have...hes just not very experienced and I want someone that knows what they are doing, not having me to tell them what to do...but that just is me.. How do you expect him to improve? Your lack of honesty is troubling. Is that the foundation you would like to build a relationship on? This will cause you nothing but trouble and emotional distress down the road. I caution you to not wait. Handle this issue immediately. Tell him what you are doing and why. If he stays, can you respect him for that?
Lovegod Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Your lack of honesty is troubling. Is that the foundation you would like to build a relationship on? She's not trying to build a relationship. She's trying to get laid and have fun. This will cause you nothing but trouble and emotional distress down the road. Didn't happen to me. I've dated three women at once and I don't regret it one bit. Tell him what you are doing and why. What's the point? She's not in a relationship with him, so it's not really any of his damn business what she does with her life. She can tell him if she decides to "get serious" with him. Until then, she's free to do whatever she wants with whomever she wants. Besides, she already told him she doesn't want to "get serious" yet, so whatever he dreams up in his head about the seriousness of the relationship is his own damn fault. He has been warned.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 She's not trying to build a relationship. She's trying to get laid and have fun. No, she is trying to build a relationship, and play around with someone else on the side. Didn't happen to me. I've dated three women at once and I don't regret it one bit. Only because that regret would require the ability to care for others. So your safe. What's the point? She's not in a relationship with him, so it's not really any of his damn business what she does with her life. She can tell him if she decides to "get serious" with him. Until then, she's free to do whatever she wants with whomever she wants. Besides, she already told him she doesn't want to "get serious" yet, so whatever he dreams up in his head about the seriousness of the relationship is his own damn fault. He has been warned. Thats leading him on... and a falsehood by omission. The only reason to not tell, is to hide the truth. If you hide the truth then you realize you are doing something wrong. I agree that she doesnt want to be serious yet.... and that's fine. However she must be honest with everyone she is involved with, in regards to thier factual status with her! She is not required to tell him what she is doing and with who. Only that she is also seeing other poeple!
Trialbyfire Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Thats leading him on... and a falsehood by omission. The only reason to not tell, is to hide the truth. If you hide the truth then you realize you are doing something wrong. I agree that she doesnt want to be serious yet.... and that's fine. However she must be honest with everyone she is involved with, in regards to thier factual status with her! She is not required to tell him what she is doing and with who. Only that she is also seeing other poeple! Exactly. Allowing someone to believe that you're exclusive by omission is pathetic indeed...
Lovegod Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 No, she is trying to build a relationship, and play around with someone else on the side. Really? Let's recap of what she says about each of these guys... He wants us to be bf and gf but I told him I'm not ready yet...which I'm not...totally on the rebound. I have told him that I'm not ready for a boyfriend and he has told me he wanted to date me but he knows I'm not ready From what she said, I don't see her wanting to build a relationship with EITHER of these guys. So where do you get the idea that she's trying to build a relationship? Only because that regret would require the ability to care for others. So your safe. And what makes you think I didn't care for any of them? I chose to date them out of the other women who have wanted to date me. I ensured their safety, I gave them a fun time. If I didn't care for them, I wouldn't have dated them. Also, by your logic, you're stating that she doesn't care for either one of these guys. From what I can see by her post, she cares quite a bit for both of them. However she must be honest with everyone she is involved with, in regards to thier factual status with her! And she was honest. She stated that she's not ready for a serious relationship yet. If the other guy is retarded enough to believe that he's in a serious relationship with her, then he's responsible for his own emotions if he becomes too infatuated with her. His emotions and imagination aren't her responsibility. Exactly. Allowing someone to believe that you're exclusive by omission is pathetic indeed... Would she continue to be pathetic if a male friend (whom she turned down) believes that he's dating her? Would she be pathetic if this same guy began stalking her and eventually raped her because he believes he's entitled to sex in his relationship? Again, she is not responsible for how other people feel and what their imaginations dream up. She made her intentions clear. If the other guys want to interpret that into something that doesn't exist, then that's their issue and not hers.
norajane Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Would she continue to be pathetic if a male friend (whom she turned down) believes that he's dating her? Would she be pathetic if this same guy began stalking her and eventually raped her because he believes he's entitled to sex in his relationship? Uh, she's already had sex with her pathetic friend...and she wasn't wowed and she doesn't want to teach him what she likes in bed. She also says he's the guy she might want to marry...but she's not ready for that. But she doesn't want to lose him, cuz he could be the one. So, basically, she's stringing him along until she's ready to settle down. Again, she is not responsible for how other people feel and what their imaginations dream up. She made her intentions clear. If the other guys want to interpret that into something that doesn't exist, then that's their issue and not hers.She told her friend she's not looking for another guy...but she didn't tell him that she's having sex with another guy. I believe she's misleading him.
Timberlane Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Jesus, cut the poor nice guy who might be marriage material loose. It would absolutely make me want to vomit if some girl I was sweet on was boning another guy while we were getting to know each other. But that would make a fun story on your wedding night, hmmm? Seriously, stop seeing the guy or at the very least let him know you are dating someone else as well. You very well may loose him, but it will be better for both of you.
Lovegod Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 So, basically, she's stringing him along until she's ready to settle down. Interesting choice of words. However, I'd probably re-word it something like this: Dating until she knows she wants to form an exclusive relationship with him. She told her friend she's not looking for another guy...but she didn't tell him that she's having sex with another guy. I believe she's misleading him. Does she have to tell this guy who's not her boyfriend about her sex life? Right now, they're not much more than f\/ck-buddies or "friends with benefits". None of it is exclusive, including the sex. I honestly can't see her doing anything wrong here. She's allowed to have sex with anyone she pleases if she's not exclusive with anyone.
Lizzie60 Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Interesting choice of words. However, I'd probably re-word it something like this: Dating until she knows she wants to form an exclusive relationship with him. Does she have to tell this guy who's not her boyfriend about her sex life? Right now, they're not much more than f\/ck-buddies or "friends with benefits". None of it is exclusive, including the sex. I honestly can't see her doing anything wrong here. She's allowed to have sex with anyone she pleases if she's not exclusive with anyone. I totally agree with you on this one!!!
norajane Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 If it's no big deal, then why can't she just tell her friend that she's dating other people? Why is keeping that a secret?
Lovegod Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 If it's no big deal, then why can't she just tell her friend that she's dating other people I'll bet you $10 that if she told him, he wouldn't leave. In fact, he'd likely become an irritating, whining, nagging wanker pressuring her to become exclusive, and she doesn't want to be exclusive yet. Why is keeping that a secret? The same reason why she's not telling him if she uses a vibrator. It's really none of his business.
norajane Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 The same reason why she's not telling him if she uses a vibrator. It's really none of his business. That's not why. She said why - because she doesn't want to lose him because she might want to marry him, blah blah. She's doing it to keep him around even though he's confessed his feelings, even though he told her he's not seeing other people, and she knows she's stringing him along. That's the whole point of her posting here. She should just tell him she's dating other people. Then if he wants to stick around, it's his choice and she can see whoever she wants without getting all anxious and posting on LS. And if he doesn't want to stick around, maybe he can go out and get that sexual experience she wishes he had!
Trialbyfire Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 There will always be two kinds of people in the world. The self-entitled, where everyone is to be used.The average person, who believes in "Do unto others".Karma can be a real biatch...
Lovegod Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 That's not why. She said why - because she doesn't want to lose him because she might want to marry him, You should really go back and read her original post because you seem to have re-arranged the words and sentences to say what you want it to say. That's why I like quoting the original post to back up my point of view. She's doing it to keep him around even though he's confessed his feelings, even though he told her he's not seeing other people, and she knows she's stringing him along. That's the whole point of her posting here. Again, you need to go back and read the original post. She was more looking for an opinion of which guy she should keep. And I quote the first line of the original post... Okay...I am dating two guys at once...and I don't know which one I should choose
norajane Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 I went back to her first post. And this is what she says: The other guy has no idea I am seeing someone else. I have been going back and forth and I'm not sure what to do...I like them both...guy one which has been there from the beginning is someone I can see marrying! So I'm leaning toward him, but guy 2 is also nice and great in bed...and I like being with him...It's like I want my cake and to eat it too...but I just feel like I'm not ready for a bf so why can't I date more then one?! I don't want to loose guy 1 bc I want to get married one day and he might be the one....
LovesDog Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Go on girl...live it up! Date em both for a while. Then decide. You'll know then.
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