tinktronik Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 I have a friend who's teenage son is dying. He is in his second round with a very rare type of very agressive cancer. Her son has already lost one eye fom the first round earlier this year, (he went into remission for 2 months) but it has come back much more agressivley. They are trying to fight , but to be honest it seems to be just a matter of time (they were originaly told 3-4 months) but from the outside it appears weeks instead of months. The son is treached and has a g-tube ;the Dr.s are tryng to talk with the family about DNR orders . My friend is in complete denial that her child is dying. It sounds like it could happen any day now. I call and listen and try to respond the right way , it is so hard and terrifying being there for her . My question is what is the right way to help my friend cope durring this very difficult time?
Trialbyfire Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Cancer is beatable and stranger things have happened especially when the teenager is positive through a positive environment. I would support her in as upbeat a manner as you can possibly handle. Have you heard of the Make-a-wish Foundation? There's an international chapter, as well.
Author tinktronik Posted November 12, 2007 Author Posted November 12, 2007 The Dr.s have told the family that even if he manages to beat it again this time that it will only buy him a few extra months. Yes I am farmiliar with the Make A Wish Foundation.
quankanne Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 just be there and listen to her when she needs to talk. Unfortunately, until she accepts that her child is dying, it's going to be hard to know what exactly to say because you see death as imminent in his case. tell her that the family is in your thoughts – and prayers, if you believe in prayer – and that you will do what you can to help her through this period. I think that's probably what most people want and need to hear, that they've got someone who is emotionally there for them. meanwhile, your friend and her family will be in my prayers, and esp. that the boy lives peacefully until the very end.
Author tinktronik Posted November 12, 2007 Author Posted November 12, 2007 just be there and listen to her when she needs to talk. Unfortunately, until she accepts that her child is dying, it's going to be hard to know what exactly to say because you see death as imminent in his case. tell her that the family is in your thoughts – and prayers, if you believe in prayer – and that you will do what you can to help her through this period. I think that's probably what most people want and need to hear, that they've got someone who is emotionally there for them. meanwhile, your friend and her family will be in my prayers, and esp. that the boy lives peacefully until the very end.Thank you Quank. I am doing my best to just listen to what my friend has to say and being there when I can. I Had already decided that it would be best to let my friend hold on to what hope she has . I don't know if acceptance would be better for her , I worry that when he does pass that she will be in complete shock because she is not willing to listen to what their Dr.'s are saying. But I have not broached that subject with her at all and had just decided to let her cry and listen.
quankanne Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 have you had a chance to talk with the boy? He might also be able to give you "something" to help his mama when he's gone. When my mom was dying, we talked about it, about how she felt, and she assured me that dying wasn't what bothered her, just leaving her babies behind defenseless. And when my niece was having trouble coming to terms with Grandma dying, I was able to reassure her that her faith and belief in God allowed her not to be afraid … maybe you can offer a similar gift on the son's behalf to his mom?
Author tinktronik Posted November 12, 2007 Author Posted November 12, 2007 I have not had a chance to meet her son as he was raised primarily by his grandparents. I am helping to arrange a benefit for her families financial and emotional help and so will be meeting her son as soon as he is awake and feeling up to it.Our community has really banded together for my friend .
quankanne Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 it never ceases to amaze me how complete strangers will give themselves to you when you're defenseless after being hit by that kind of loss ... and I'm sure your friend is truly glad that she's got you keeping an eye out for her when she needs it most. hugs, q
Author tinktronik Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 it never ceases to amaze me how complete strangers will give themselves to you when you're defenseless after being hit by that kind of loss ... and I'm sure your friend is truly glad that she's got you keeping an eye out for her when she needs it most. hugs, q Thanks Quank.
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