Newtotheblogthing Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 So.. I have been on this site looking for my second chance but now I know it's just not going to happen. My ex bf and i were together for 3 yrs. much of which was very tumultuous. There was no cheating but it was a very codependent relationship. We broke up almost 6 mos. ago, (I initiated it) but stayed in contact and it seemed as if we both might try again, he professed his love for me in July.. I wasnt sure about it as I had been in rehab and wanted to make sure he was changing his life as well. Then I, of course, I do a total 180 after he told me he had been seeing someone. We have since slept together a few times while he had this girlfriend and when they broke up a few weeks ago I thought maybe we could try again. This was not the case.. he was being a total jerk. But then he get's into a serious car accident, has been taken home by his parents and will be going to rehab. Needless to say I have been a mess. I ran down to the hospital, but wasn't able to see him. I finally got a call from him and I was so relieved. He asked me to send him photos, a little video.. somewhat sexual or course.. I do it becaue that's how sad I am. But then a few days later he asked me to send him prescription painkillers which is not supposed to have. I tell him absolutely not! He's so angry and threatens not to talk to me anymore. Emotional blackmail is our specialty. He doesn't respond to my text messages for a day and a half. Well, Friday I see that he logs onto IM and he is in a video conference.. I know his "ex" gf's email and check it out.. she is in the video conference with him.. I FREAK OUT.. Bascially he was back together with her and wouldn't tell me. I had even asked him and he wouldn't answer me saying it's not the time and to let it go... Basically, I threatened to send her an email telling her all about us sleeping together. I end up IM'ing her and asking if they are still together and she informs me that yes they are and when he comes back to town he is going to live with her. I am just devastated. I leave the worst message for him.. saying he's just a complete jerk who can't ever be honest with me. That he doesn't give a crap about anyone.. all I wanted was honesty etc.. That he threatens not to speak to me because I won't do what he wants about the pills..I am crying. he calls me and I tell him I just can't take it. The game playing etc.. His response is calm as I think he's afraid that I will send the email to his gf and he starts saying that he's been hurt and he's stuck at his parents, when he comes back he doesn't have a place or a car.. I am just livid and want to kill him but what do I expect? The thing is I don't understand why he keeps in contact with me at all.. I think he's unbelievably selfish and I am pathetic for maintaining contact. I also feel like I am just punishing myself.. I keep at it hoping he will give me something.. I couldn't leave the house yesterday and I sent him a text saying that although my timing was off, I do love him and hope that he heals.. to keep me posted on what happens. He asks why "so you can f**k with my life even more". Yet again, it's my fault. I am the one screwing with his life. He takes no responsibility whatsoever. You guys, I don't know what is reality anymore. I have been living in fantasland trying to maintain contact with someone who obviously doesn't care for me enough to be honest, to be considerate.. I am killing myself and being absolutely pathetic. It's as if I don't see a life without him in it.. I can barely function. I just don't understand why I am doing what I am doing and why he is doing the things he is doing. I felt horrible for the tantrum Friday considering what he's going through but at what point do I say enough is enough. You treat me like s**t, I don't deserve it and let him go. It feels almost impossible. I really need to get some persepecitve today as it is completely destroying me. Or am I completely destroying myself? I have to somehow get on the path to being healthy.. I am really just hanging on by a thread right now.. Thanks for readint this, I could really use some help. I don't know how to let this go and I have to..
KittenMoon Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 My ex bf and i were together for 3 yrs. much of which was very tumultuous. There was no cheating but it was a very codependent relationship. You answer all your questions here, hon. Except it wasn't a codependent relationship, it still IS. Oh, and now there is cheating involved. You really wanna go forward? Stop any and all contact with this guy. 110%. go cold-turkey on your dependence. Learn to be yourself, all alone. Sounds like some trips to the therapist could help too. Good luck.
Author Newtotheblogthing Posted November 12, 2007 Author Posted November 12, 2007 Thank you for respsonding. It's hard when I have posted a bunch of times and maybe it seems like I am not "getting it". I wasn't.. and I am scared.. I HAVE to move forward and I think like you said no contact is the ONLY way I will move forward. I actually called my therapist today.. I had to reschedule an appt...
Recommended Posts