Jamian Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Can someone please help? My fiance broke up with me citing jealousy issues, she was 4 years older than me with a child of 14 years. He recently went to a private school as he has special needs. Since then, it seemed that my Fiance found a new freedom and started going out drinking with her friends not just at the weekends, but during the week as well. It wasn't so much jealousy, it was the fact that while she was going out all the time, I was forced to stay in as I am in a poorly paid job with a lot of financial commitments. I tried to reason with her, eg, were engaged to be married, we should be spending time together rather that appart. It got to the stage where we both had a night out together twice in the space of 6 months, where as she was out with her friends twice or more every week. She would often ask her ex (the father of her 14 year old son) to baby sit. She would also get me to baby sit at the weekend, but instead of coming back to her own house where I was babysitting, she would stay over night at her friends house after being out clubbing until 3 or 4 am. There were times when I was jealous as she was a good looking woman, but is that not natural if your girl is going out clubbing until all hours of the morning and not coming home? Last week, she suggested that we try dating again, which we did. We met up and ended up sleeping together, it was amazing to be back with each other and I was looking forward to seeing her again. Unfortunately, I got drunk on the Saturday night and, while feeling sorry for myself, I sent her a txt message saying "Do you still want to meet up tuesday or will all your nights out change your mind". She has now responded to that by saying that it is now definately over. I love her so much and I'm devestated, she broke my heart by innitially breaking up with me, and now the pain is back all over again. What should I do? I'm at a total loss as to what I should do now. Should I accept it and move on or write a letter to her and try to explain and salvage the situation. Is she right that she should go out clubbing and have me baby sit, but we don't go out together or am I right in saying when you are engaged you have a commitment to each other and although you can still go out with friends and enjoy yourself independently, that you should still consider your partners feelings?
littlekitty Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 It sounds like in the end she was using you as a babysitting service and not much else. When you love someone you want to spend time with them. I would want to come home to the man I love. Not spend the night at a friends house. It doesn't sound like she was considering your needs or feelings in the end. However, she may well have been under a lot of pressure for many years caring for her son. Perhaps with him away at school, she discovered a new found freedom she hadn't been able to have for some time. It sounds like she's enjoying that new freedom and breaking out from what must have been difficult for her. It sounds to me like she's made her mind up. I think perhaps you're better off walking away from this one. It seems like she's going through a period of change. I'm not sure that you figure in this new life.
ninjaturtles Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 am I right in saying when you are engaged you have a commitment to each other and although you can still go out with friends and enjoy yourself independently, that you should still consider your partners feelings? Of course you are right in saying so. You are in no way being overly jealous as you dont mind her nights out, however you believe she should have some time for you as well...... If i did not know her age, I would think she was 18 years old, fresh into college. You sent her a text message and she said it was over again beacuse of that? It seems as if you are walking on eggshells...Infact a lot of women I know are a bit submissive to thier men. (Not overly), but they listen to thier men. It seems she would rather go and out with her friends, than stay home with you, It doesnt sound right. I would love to spend time with my man(let alone fiancee), although i also believe in having an maintaining an independent social life, aside from that with my husband(assuming I had one). You sound understanding...you sound like a good man. If she is so unstable over issues like this, its unlikey you will have the type of marriage you really desire. Allow her to do as she pleases, you are getting hurt all over again..I am sure you dont want this to happen the 3rd time....I would suggest you get on with your life and stop being used a babysitter. It hurts to be turned down by the ones we love, especially over trivial issues like this, such is life. Stay strong, LS helps a lot as well and keep busy.xx
Author Jamian Posted November 14, 2007 Author Posted November 14, 2007 Hi Wonder if you can help again. I'm finding coping with my break up very difficult. I keep going over everything over and over again, tempted to send a text to her to give her a piece of my mind, write a letter etc. She ended the relationship by abruptly hanging up on me and I feel like I'm bursting with stuff to say, more than likely in anger. I'm looking for some good suggestions to help me move on. Any ideas?
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