sinflaw Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 For the past few months my relationship with my gf of two years had been slowing down a bit. We didnt live together and our work and school schedules were conflicting a lot. On Tuesday me we had the best night of our lives. Dinner, Music, dancing, sex, talking about marriage, the whole works. It was exactly what we needed. Wednesday I tell her I've gotten my dream job working in another city (we'd have to live apart for 5 months). Thursday she tells me I've been making her feel pressured(to move to the new city with me, stop smoking etc..) and the icing on the cake is that shes falling for a co-worker friend she starting hanging out with a few weeks ago. We're now on a break while she tries to find out what makes her happy. I'd never seen her look so confused and scared. Meanwhile waiting for her decision is agony. I love this girl more than I knew was possible and even though she feels the same about me she might not be willing to try and fix whatever problems we have. I know Im supposed to be giving her space but is there anything else I should be doing or is waiting all I can do?
Phateless Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 For the past few months my relationship with my gf of two years had been slowing down a bit. We didnt live together and our work and school schedules were conflicting a lot. On Tuesday me we had the best night of our lives. Dinner, Music, dancing, sex, talking about marriage, the whole works. It was exactly what we needed. Wednesday I tell her I've gotten my dream job working in another city (we'd have to live apart for 5 months). Thursday she tells me I've been making her feel pressured(to move to the new city with me, stop smoking etc..) and the icing on the cake is that shes falling for a co-worker friend she starting hanging out with a few weeks ago. We're now on a break while she tries to find out what makes her happy. I'd never seen her look so confused and scared. Meanwhile waiting for her decision is agony. I love this girl more than I knew was possible and even though she feels the same about me she might not be willing to try and fix whatever problems we have. I know Im supposed to be giving her space but is there anything else I should be doing or is waiting all I can do? You should be living your life and doing positive things for yourself that you would not have time to do otherwise (because of her). You should be going out with your boys and partying and having a blast and reminding yourself that whatever happens, you're gonna be all right. DO NOT call her every day to ask about her decision. If anything, make it zero contact unless she calls you. Give her time to miss you. Hell, if she calls it might even be ok to call her back later. She needs to start to think about what it would feel like to have already lost you, and hopefully this will make her realize that she can't let that happen. I know everything I said is completely counterintuitive and against every instinct you have, but you have to do it. Hang in there bro, we're here if you need us.
Trialbyfire Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 I'm of the school of thought that if someone wants space, they can have as much as they can stomach and more. Don't give her full power over your life. Withdraw and if she comes back with everything you want to hear, give it some good thought, in as long a period of time as you feel capable of handling, as to whether or not you want a flaky person back.
Phateless Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 I'm of the school of thought that if someone wants space, they can have as much as they can stomach and more. Don't give her full power over your life. Withdraw and if she comes back with everything you want to hear, give it some good thought, in as long a period of time as you feel capable of handling, as to whether or not you want a flaky person back. x2. TBF is usually right on the money.
Trialbyfire Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 x2. TBF is usually right on the money. That's nice of you to say. The advice I give leans towards internal strength and brutal honesty within and about yourself. It's also not geared towards being a doormat or giving second chances, especially where it's not merited. You can't control someone else but you can control yourself. If the byproduct of your personal strength enhances your ability to attract better prospective mates, then why hold onto someone who has a bad track record?
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