El-Producto Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t114972/ Well, I thought some of the people who remember my situation would find the latest happening interesting. Lately my ex has been acting very nice to me. As always I take her behaviour with a grain of salt.. I've been burned by her before. She knows I'm still not totally over her, and knows how to get to me. The other day she picked up the kids from school for me, because my sitter was unable to get them after school. I met her at my house, and she was cleaned up, nicely dressed and was wearing the Body Shop scent that always drove me crazy when we were together. I didn't think much of it at the time, other than I thought it was a little cruel. She has been really nice lately, wanting to talk on the phone and extra emails etc. Keep in mind she is still living with the OM (can I even call him that now?). But I just figured she was going through one of her many moods. Today was my birthday, and my parents came over with dinner and I had my kids. We had a great day, and my ex calls and asks if she can drop by she had something for me. I said that was fine, my parents were taking the kids to their house for the night, because I have to work tomorrow and the kids are off school. My ex wanted to know when they were going to be gone, she said she still doesn't feel comfortable around my parents. So she shows up with a Bumbleberry Pie, Gummy Bears, and a bottle of rum. All some of my favorite things which she knows. I told her that was nice, and I thanked her. She then starts crying and says the words that I've been waiting to hear since this all happened back in Feb. The words that everyone but me seemed to know she'd eventually say one day. She said she was sorry, she made a huge mistake, and she wishes that she had given us more of a chance. Needless to say I was dumfounded. I could hardly speak, after all the hateful, blameful things (see previous thread), she said to me.. she finally owns up to her mistakes. I told her that I didn't hate her, and I'm in a much better place than I was at the beginning. She went on to tell me how unhappy she and the kids are at the OM's place, and how she wishes she could leave but doesn't have anywhere to go. She said that her partner is old, and has health problems, and she doesn't want to have to look after him in 10 years, when he is even older. I didn't get trapped into asking her if she wants to come back.. because that's not what I want. I just feel like there is finally some closure, or something.. it's a feeling of relief that I can't explain. Maybe it's cruel, but I'm almost glad that she feels guilty. Not that I wish that on her, but it just cements the fact that our breakup wasn't totally my fault. Thought everyone who knows my sitch would find that interesting. I'm still in shock, I never thought she'd ever say the stuff she said tonight. Amazing how you could almost write the script in these situations.
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Ask her why did she run after this man before, that you wanted to throw it all away in the first place? I mean ask her the hard questions that she has to understand. Doesnt it feel good to be validated? lol.
notspiritual Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Congratulations for knowing what you want and not taking her back!!!!! The wife saw the light only because her new boyfriend is not a good deal. That is not a good reason to take her back. Don’t become her back up plan. The break up was not all your fault. A woman who truly loved you would have helped you solve your relationship problems instead of blaming you for it and use it to leave you.
whichwayisup Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 She went on to tell me how unhappy she and the kids are at the OM's place, and how she wishes she could leave but doesn't have anywhere to go. She said that her partner is old, and has health problems, and she doesn't want to have to look after him in 10 years, when he is even older. Yeah, she just got a little taste of "the grass is NOT greener on the other side of the fence!" Too bad she didn't realize this before "trying out life" with another man! WTF. Well, consquences are a b*tch and now she's realizing what she lost. You.
LakesideDream Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 And thus the time worn adage, "look before you leap". It doesen't help that your soon to be ex wife had to drag both your children, and your relationship through her "extended test drive", but that was her choice. I am happy that you are becoming happy and content. It is unfortunate that your children must play the musical chairs game to please your ex. Looks like there will be no happy ending for your soon to be ex in this one. Happily chock one up for the good guys.
bestadvisor Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 She then starts crying and says the words that I've been waiting to hear since this all happened back in Feb. The words that everyone but me seemed to know she'd eventually say one day. She said she was sorry, she made a huge mistake, and she wishes that she had given us more of a chance. How old is this other guy? Was she with him before she moved out? How did they meet? Are you with someone? Are you thinking about taking her back?
Woggle Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 She should have thought about that before she destroyed her marriage for some chemical reaction. Do not take her back because she just do this all over again when some other guy comes along or when her friends talk her into it or for whatever reason. Don't feel guilty about having a smirk on your face because she did it to herself.
Gunny376 Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 First off? Do you want her back ~ do you want your "family" back? If so? Then she has to "work" for it and sweat for it! Not beacause of you, but for herself and her children! . A good 60% + of all this is hormonal, and a lot of the rest of the 40% is cultural ~ societial conditioning. There's the way thing are suppose to be, and there's the way things are? Your single best chance at "true love and happiness" is with your first wife and the mother of your children. Don't become a "door-mat" the way back to you is long and narrow! Its time for "tough~love!" I'd go for it EP! You've got noting to lose ~ what you've not already lost!
Ladyjane14 Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 I'm with Gunny. If there are any doubts in your mind, NOW is the time to explore them. Of course, I'm not saying that you should feel obligated, but this would definitely be an EXCELLENT time to search your heart. I don't even know you, and there have been times that I was p*ssed off at this woman merely on your behalf. You had a rough go of it, and you are well within your rights to never want to give her another opportunity to hurt you again. That said, man... she's on the ropes. You two could take it nice and slow, explore your feelings in counseling for a year or more, and who knows?... maybe you'd find some common ground again. I'm just saying.
PWSX3 Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 It seems so many times the one that leaves or left for something better finds out that what they had wasn't so bad, but while they are gone the person that got left behind learns & grows & becomes a stronger & better person while the one that left just stays the same, confused, just worrying about themselves. I know when you still love your spouse it is easy to take them back, hoping that they have learned such as you have but in my situation I'm not sure if that is true but that is another story. Like Gunny & LJ said; you are the one in control now, you get to decided if you want her back or not. It's funny how she is wanting back into that life that she hated so much but still is with the OM. I just don't see how she can be with someone else & still be saying; Oh I'm sorry. Now this is kind of my situation & as you know they are all the same, but I feel my W after coming back hasn't changed much of any. Sure at first it was all good, she knew what buttons to push, what to do to make me want her back but once that newness wears off then the real person appears again so TAKE IT SLOW!!!!! How is that saying go; something about fool me once, fool my twice??????
reboot Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
whichwayisup Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 It's funny how she is wanting back into that life that she hated so much but still is with the OM. I just don't see how she can be with someone else & still be saying; Oh I'm sorry. Exactly. If she truely wants her old life back, then her actions in the present should be showing this, aka NO OM, and her butt in counselling, living on her own. One thing is for sure, if you DO decide to give her a chance, she needs to be alone for a while.
Recommended Posts