Dynamo Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 Okay so here is yet ANOTHER one of my predicaments (I must have two or three other predicaments floating around this forum, haha!). Okay so my buddy started going out with this girl (who I have incredibly strong feelings for and really do love her to death, but I have to shove all those feelings under the carpet because it's just wrong to feel that way since my best friend is dating her...) But anyways, they haven't gotten to the point of "1 on 1" dates just yet, but rather sort of "group dates" with a bunch of their friends. He always brings me along, and I usually have nothing better to do so I tag along as well. There is me, my friend, his girlfriend and his girlfriend's friend. Now the thing is, I'm only friends with the girlfriend's friend. I honestly don't feel attracted to her at all, personality wise, emotional-wise, or physical-wise. There isn't anything wrong with her, she just isn't my type of girl. I'm trying to be nice to my friend and give him some space with his girl when we go to movies and such by moving myself and his girlfriend's friend up a couple rows (so they have some "alone time".. yeah..). Now the thing is I just realized recently is I've accidently been broadcasting the wrong messages to this girl; she thinks I like her, when I don't in the slightest - I'm only hanging out with her really because my friend is too busy sucking face a few rows back (lol). Now she wants to have dinner with me.. I really don't know HOW to let her know I'm not attracted to her!! I'm a really nice guy and I really don't do well with hurting anyone, especially since I've been emotionally scarred by so many girls in my life. How can I get her to realize I DON'T like her in a non-confrontational manner? THANKS!
Leahh Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 could you casually mention your 'girlfriend' or perhaps let her know she's a good friend by saying something like so I need some advice on a girl I like and I was hoping you'd help me? Maybe have your friend ask in front of her if (enter name here) was coming? Something to let her know that you're involved or into someone who isn't her.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Let her know that you like the fact that she is a friend and that this is one of the first platonic friendships you've had with a girl, and that makes you feel good. Then, tell her "thank you" for being a friend.
Sean0775 Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 I know how you feel to an extent. I used to have it pretty bad for a friend's girl, but I've managed to put most of that behind me. As for the other girl, I'm not sure there's a good way to tell anyone, "Lets just be friends" without making them feel bad. You could always use that whole, "I don't want to ruin our friendship" crap that women use, but if you're like me you've heard that too many times to go saying it yourself.
BeautifulMusic Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 I know how you feel to an extent. I used to have it pretty bad for a friend's girl, but I've managed to put most of that behind me. As for the other girl, I'm not sure there's a good way to tell anyone, "Lets just be friends" without making them feel bad. You could always use that whole, "I don't want to ruin our friendship" crap that women use, but if you're like me you've heard that too many times to go saying it yourself. HAHAHA... Hey, now, I can't speak for all women, but sometimes I actually DO have feelings for a guy and don't want to risk the friendship. It's not ALWAYS a line...
Sean0775 Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 HAHAHA... Hey, now, I can't speak for all women, but sometimes I actually DO have feelings for a guy and don't want to risk the friendship. It's not ALWAYS a line... But if you have an attraction to a guy beyond friendship, can you truly be just friends still? I'm honestly not sure how that works.
birdie Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 this is exactly what happened to me last Saturday (sorry to hijack thread). I was out with a bunch of friends including this guy with whom we have always had chemistry with. I've known him for about 2 years and we made out on Saturday first time ever because we both usually keep a distance but this time we were well up for it. The thing is he is not the right man for me I know that. Not an excuse but for lots of reasons it wouldn' work. I get on very well with his sister and his best friend and we have a good little circle going. So yes, the only thing to do is to stay friends, not cause any trouble for anyone else (especially his sister) and just deal with it.
Author Dynamo Posted November 12, 2007 Author Posted November 12, 2007 Thanks for the responses guys and gals. I've sort of been giving off hints that I'm attracted to a different girl for the past couple of times our little group has gone out but she just doesn't seem to be picking up on it - I really don't want to be mean and tell her directly that I don't like her, but our little group is going out tonight and I'm afraid she might try to make something happen between the two of us, if you know what I mean.. Hmm this is quite the predicament.
BeautifulMusic Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Well, why do you keep going out in that group then? Why don't you pull back from that? Because obviously if it's your friend and his girlfriend, that's going to pair you with her when y'all go out. So if you don't go out with them for awhile, she should get the point without you having to say anything. But continuing to go out with the group makes it almost like a double date, which is why she's confused, I'm sure.
Author Dynamo Posted November 12, 2007 Author Posted November 12, 2007 Yeah I definitely see what you mean BeautifulMusic, and it certainly must be rather confusing to her - I keep going out with the group for a couple reasons. The first, and biggest reason, is my friend is the really 'shy' type and he doesn't feel comfortable yet doing a 1on1 date with her.. I'm the opposite of him, I'm a very outgoing and generally talkative guy so I get the conversation going. I'm mainly there for support for my buddy (he's done similar things for me in the past, so I'm just trying to be a good friend). And the other reason, is that I DO like her as a friend. Shes nice to talk to, and I'm friends with everyone in the group - for me, it's just a social event, not a date. I'm just worried she's interpretting it the wrong way. Although I honestly don't see how things are going to work with my friend and his girl, seeing as how the two can't seem to go ANYWHERE without clinging on to friends.. Why do people do that, anyways?!
BlueEyedGirl Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Is the girl that you don't like overweight? Just curious..
Racquel Colette Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 She probably already realizes that you don't like her in that way. I mean you would have made a move toward that by now. I wouldn't worry about it. If she is the aggressive type, just say "No, thank you."
Author Dynamo Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 Is the girl that you don't like overweight? Just curious.. Not really. A little chubby maybe, but I wouldn't say overweight. Even so, I'm really not a guy who cares all that much about appearance - mainly because I'm certainly not perfect, and I know I had some image issues when I was younger. So no, shes not overweight, and even if she was it wouldn't really calculate into this that much. She probably already realizes that you don't like her in that way. I mean you would have made a move toward that by now. I wouldn't worry about it. If she is the aggressive type, just say "No, thank you." Hmm, I hope your right. Thanks!
Racquel Colette Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Not really. A little chubby maybe, but I wouldn't say overweight. Even so, I'm really not a guy who cares all that much about appearance - mainly because I'm certainly not perfect, and I know I had some image issues when I was younger. So no, shes not overweight, and even if she was it wouldn't really calculate into this that much. Hmm, I hope your right. Thanks! I'm really curious to all those who state on here that a woman needs to be a size 4 or under to get a decent guy has to say about this statement?
Author Dynamo Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 I'm really curious to all those who state on here that a woman needs to be a size 4 or under to get a decent guy has to say about this statement? Visual appearance / sex appeal doesn't translate directly into love... Thats just sort of something I've figured out. I suppose a lot of people get caught up on the appearance-aspect of the opposite sex (both guys and gals are guilty of this) and while that certainly is a valid thing to look for in a relationship it's by NO means the most important or even one of the biggest things to look for! Atleast, thats how I've always seen it. A lot of people want the perfect girl or guy, but they tend to forget that they aren't perfect, either. Bah, perhaps I just have an unconventional way of thinking.
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