Is it time for me to break up with him?

[DRDimeMami]

I have been with my boyfriend 9 months today. We met and I was crazy over him. Then I was confused because I was into someone else before meeting him but things didn't work out with that person so we stopped talking. A few months later me and my boyfriend made it official. I'm 19 and he's 20. He's the first real boyfriend that actually comes over to my house, meets my family, I go out with outside of the house, and my first time. Things were going good the first few months, but then it started changing since we were always hanging out together. Little things he would do would both me or things I did would bother him so we'd argue constantly. He didn't like being yelled out so everytime we had an argument and I was talking he'd take it as screaming. He didn't have a great past with his father so he'd take me talking so he'd understand, as screaming. Once, we went to walk my dogs, and there was a car coming. I got freaked out so I was screaming move! He was trying to get out of the way but I got in it. So he just let go of my dog's leash and left walking to his car. He was about to break up with me but we talked it out. Another time we went to McDonald's and I got upset because he didn't go inside with me to get something and it was raining, so when I went, I slammed his car door. On the way home, he was quiet and wouldn't tell me what was wrong when I asked and he then told me. That was the day of my birthday. That night I apologized and he was like yeah, that won't happen again because we won't be together. He was breaking up with me and I was crying. Another time he got mad because I went out to a club for my best friend's birthday but he couldn't get in because he's not 21 yet. I had told him about it a week before. He was going through stuff (not having a job, a place to stay, money, etc.) during that time, so the day of the club, he was barely talking to me when I called him, so I figured.. ok he doesn't wanna talk to me. I got home that night, got ready and left to the club. On the way I text him saying I love you. Then I turned off my phone because my battery was low. I had fun in the club and didn't even text him from anyone's phone the whole night. When I was on my way home, I text him telling him I was going home and he was like, "At this time? Where are you?" or something like that. I called him when I got home and he was pissed off because he thought I danced with other guys, which I did dance with a friend but it was nothing. He was pissed off because he suspected that I did something. I was like "You weren't there so you wouldn't know. I'm not worried because I know myself and I know I didn't do anything." So we argued that night. He was also pissed off because the guy's house where he was staying at (a friend of my family's) was acting up with him and supposedly the guy was telling him that he wasn't gonna get anything from me and that he just wanted one night with me (guy has some problems) and so my boyfriend felt disrespected so he wanted to leave his house, but he had nowhere else to stay at. I would tell him to go to his aunt and uncle's house but he didn't want to either because they would act up with him also. So basically he had nowhere to go. He stayed in his car. My family and friend's tried helping him look for jobs and places to stay but he was just indifferent about it. He wanted things handed to him and didn't seem interested. He had a job at he airport but left it because of the early morning hours. This is where all the bigger problems started. One night, he text me saying something that got me scared and nervous. It sounded like he was going to do something crazy like hurt himself. I kept calling him and it wouldn't go through so I got my friends to call him and nothing. Then he picked up my friends number which he didn't recognize and my friend told him to call me. He didn't call me. I was scared something happened to him. I woke up my parents scared thinking he might kill himself. They were like ignore him. But I couldn't cuz that just felt wrong. He was going through so much that he was like depressed and didn't want anything anymore, since he had nowhere to stay, one day, he supposedly left his car out somewhere in the highway with all his belongings and started walking. I had no idea where he was. He had his phone with him so he would call me like every hour so that night I didn't sleep well. In the morning I told my mother and she was like oh well whatever we are trying to help him and he doesn't listen. I told him I was going to call him aunt or his father or someone that could help but he said if you do that I will never talk to you again, don't do it! I was like but I can't leave you out there like this, you need to get some help. Supposedly he just kept on walking somewhere. It was hot that morning so he called me like he was suffocating and felt like he was going to pass out so I told him stop somewhere and get some water or call an ambulance but then he just hung up on me or his phone died. I kept calling him and got nothing. I didn't hear from him for a few hours until I tried calling again and he picked up. He told me he was somewhere under a tree with shade and he felt bad but he wouldn't tell me where. I told him I would call his aunt but he was like no don't do it. So I had my mom call his aunt while I tried finding out where he was. I told him I called the cops so they can trace his call down and then his aunt calls him on the other line. She was going to try to find him. He came back on the line with me and was like, "I told you not to call her! I hate you!". I told him I'm sorry it was okay if he hated me but I wasn't going to leave him out there like that. His aunt told my mother that he told her he was living with me and he was doing good. He didn't want his family to know he was doing bad. He has alot of pride. She also told him that he had been through alot and used to lie alot also. When we first me, he did tell me that his mother had passed away a few years ago, and his father used to yell and hit him too. She also said that he had stolen a car when he was younger and was in a foster home for about 5 years. So yes he had been through alot. His aunt said he was perfectly fine when she found him and picked him up and we asked to check his neck because he supposedly tried hanging himself. She said she didn't see any marks. I was so shocked and disappointed and hurt that I threw out everything I had from him. My best friend and family didn't like him anymore. That night he called me for me to send him a resume I had done for him. I was being cold with him and my parents didn't want me talking to him anymore. I hung up then he called again and he wanted to talk and we did for a bit. He told me he was sorry and asked what my parents said. I told him that we couldn't be together anymore. They totally dislike him. He was crushed because we couldn't be together and then all of a sudden I hear lots of wind on the phone so I ask what he's doing and he wouldn't tell me. I hung up. I told my mother and she told me to go to sleep and ignore him. I did for a few. He kept calling me and leaving me messages. He was like pick up I know you're there I just want to talk to you, I'm not doing anything crazy, I just went running. I told him that maybe one day we could be together if he showed my family that he had really indeed changed and was doing better. He said he was going to prove them and do better. So we kept talking and I kept being with him even though my family was giving me lots of **** about it. Time passed and he I got in trouble a few times for going out with him. We went to a club once with some of my friends. I asked him if it was okay for me to dance with my friend so he said sure but he didn't seem like he was okay with it so I was like okay nevermind. There was a guy I didn't know with my friends, that supposedly was looking at my ass but I didn't know, so my boyfriend got pissed cuz we were dancing all together. My best friend's boyfriend tells my boyfriend that the guy we were dancing with (the ass staring one lol) tried kissing my best friend once. So I tried dancing with my man but he would ignore me so my best friend was drunk and she was like man **** it! We were all dancing, and my man and her man went walking around the club and I had my eye on my man to see what he was gonna do. I kept on dancing. He came back and he was just standing there and I went up to him. He just grabbed me and kissed me. Then it was time to leave and I left home with him. There he told me why he was mad because of the guy and because I was dancing with him, etc. Well let me try cutting this shorter. He apologized to me for everything that happened, he tried apologizing to my parents but they didn't wanna talk to him at all or want me with him. We still kept being together even though sometimes we wouldn't see each other. I spoke to my parents about letting me make my own decisions and how I felt but they wouldn't really listen. They said he can't provide anything for me because he didn't finish high school, he was gonna stay stuck in the same job forever, he didn't have good family relationships, so what could he provide for me in a future? I had many arguments about that with my parents. Now recently, we have been able to see each other with them knowing. I can't go out with him every week, and if he does come over my house he has to be out by 9. My mom talks to him a little more but everytime we go out she says don't come home late. Then here's another little story. I have a guy friend that I know way before I met my boyfriend. He recently told me he liked me. We would always talk and flirt but I never really thought anything of it. But then I started to like him also. He knows the things I have been going through with my boyfriend and he thinks that he can treat me better. He gets mad becaue of all the things that have gone between me and my man. Thing is, this guy lives in another state but he's coming down where I'm at for Christmas. I met him through my best friend. He went out with her cousin but they had problems because of his ex's family talking **** (kinda like my situation). I told him if I was ever single maybe things would happen between us but right now I'm with my man seeing how things turn out. He's 23 and finishing up school and wants to move down here. He says if we get to be together than he will move down here for us to be together. He's really sweet and when I talk to him I don't get that stress I do with my boyfriend. Recently I hadn't been calling, texting, or anything with my boyfriend. He noticed that I was acting weird lately, not calling him any sweet names or saying I love you. So the other day he calls me and tells me, you know what you did because somebody told me. So I was like I don't know what I did you better let me know. Turns out, nobody told him anything. He just made it up to find out for himself. So he found out because I did tell him truth, that yes I was talking to someone else (which would be this new guy I'm talking about). He felt hurt and why did I lie to him. I told him that because of the way he acts he made me feel that way. The other day he got jealous because somebody gave me a compliment at work that I looked like Angelina Jolie. He was like are you going out with anyone? If you are let me know. Oh I ain't feeling you. All that stuff so I just got mad. Then that night he texts me saying I love you even though we fight if you care just call me. I called and he wasn't expecting it. He started calling me sweet names and so did I, but I was like yea whatever. The next day I didn't call him so he started acting up with that whole bull****. I told him I needed some time for myself to think about what I really want because right now I feel like I don't know what I want or how I feel. I'm confused between both of these guys. My man loves me and the other guys likes me and wants to try something out with me. Sometimes I do feel like I do want something new, but then again I don't know because what if my boyfriend is the one and I'll regret it later and won't be able to be with him cuz it'll be too late. Oh yeah, his mother died but he told me why she actually died which I felt bad. I know he has been through many things in life and I always wanted to be there to help him and be by his side. Besides all that drama I've had with him, he's been the best boyfriend so far. Our second date was Valentine's and he gave me a heart necklace, he pays for me when we go out, shows me love always hugging me and kissing me, writing songs about me. He's talented in music. He wants a family and get married and settled down in the future. The other guy loves music too, works, goes to school and is finishing up, but I haven't met him in person. I really don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt anyone but I know someone always ends up getting hurt. Sorry that this is so long but I just need some advice and suggestions. Any experiences any has been through. Let me know!

 

Thank you soooo much for taking the time to read this.

[PoshPrincess]

Hi DR, firstly can I just say it may be an idea when you post to put your story into paragraphs as it makes them easier to read, espcially when they are so long!

 

I am sorry for all the trouble with your relationship. In my experience (and it's along time since I was your age), lots of young guys behave in a pretty irresponsible and selfish way. However, it does seem that your BF has specific issues that he needs to deal with before he can be part of a loving R with you, or anyone else. It certainly sounds like he has had a tough time. I really don't think there is much you can do until he realises himself that he needs to change. A good start would be therapy.

 

I can understand that your parents are worried about you. Mine were like that with me sometimes. I don't think it's fair for them to say he would be no good for you 'because he will be stuck in a dead end job', 'didn't finish school', etc, although he does need to work, for his own self-respect, if nothing else. Of course, every parent wants the best for their child but the most important thing in a R is that your partner loves and respects you and treats you right. I am sure that in his own way your BF DOES love you but because of things that have happened in the past he clearly finds difficulty expressing his emotions.

 

Re the other guy, does any of this have to be about him at the moment? I think you should take him out of the equation for now and deal with the situation with your current BF - decide whether or not you want to continue a R with him. Then, if and when you are free and ready to pursue another R, you can see clearly whether you have feelings for the other guy. By all means stay in touch with him as friends but I don't think you are emotionally ready to start up another R at the moment. I know it is sometimes tempting to find someone new so that you are able to end a current R but it's not the best way to go about things.

 

I hope you get the advice you're looking for. You are very young still to be worried about a long term future with anyone anyway, so just remember that at your age, life should still be about having fun. It doesn't sound like you have too much fun with your BF and that he causes you more grief than happiness.

 

Lots of luck x

[Blue Eyed Brain]

You and he should agree on taking a sabbatical from each other. Date others in the meantime and then see how it goes.

[DRDimeMami]

Sorry about the whole long post. I'll put it in paragraphs next time.

 

Well, I did forget to mention that he is working. He has a place to stay at and is trying to get his life together. So far, he's doing alright. I see he is trying to change and make things better because he wants to be with me.

 

I know he does love me and doesn't want to lose me to this other guy, since he found out I was talking to him. They don't know each other but he asked me if I wanted to be with this guy and if I have any feelings for him. I told him that I did like him but I didn't know anything else because obviously I haven't met this guy in person since he's in another state.

 

So right now, my boyfriend is doing well and hopefully it continues that way. I don't know if to stay with him and see how things go. Sometimes I feel like I am being with him just for the hell of it. I do have feelings though but at times I just start thinking about that. Do I really want to be with him? I do kind of want to meet other guys because I don't want to stay stuck with my first and last guy. But then again that would be nice.

 

Right now, I can honestly say I don't know what I really really do want or how I truly feel. All I can say is that I'm confused. I love my boyfriend and have my reasons for loving him and for not wanting to leave him, as well as wanting to find someone new (other guy). Its like I like them both. Or I love my boyfriend and like this new guy.

 

Since my boyfriend knows I have been talking to this other guy, and we are giving it another shot at our relationship, he told me to do my part in the relationship and he will do his. He just doesn't want me to talk to this guy anymore? Is that fair? Should I stop talking to the guy just because he told me so? Because he's worried that I'm gonna leave him for this guy? I said I would stop talking to him. But then what about the guy? He will be like why has she all of a sudden stopped talking to me. He's coming down to visit for Christmas so I will meet him, but now my boyfriend doesn't want me talking to him? Hmm.. I really don't know what to do.

 

I think I might need some alone time just for me. No guy. Just me having fun not being stressed out. My boyfriend told me if I need some time then he will give me all the time I need. I want to take that time but then again I hesitate because what if I then realize that I do want to be with him and he changes his mind about being with me? It will be too late.

[Cobra_X30]

Oh man! You need to work on yourself a little bit before you date anyone!

 

Your going to have problems with any man that cares for you!