bigheartkindsoul Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 So he dumped me, he was the first B/F in four years, I loved him more than I ever thought I could love anyone. He is no longer in my life. I get lots of compliments from guys, be it on here, work clients, work colleagues - but do you ever feel that no one wants you, no one wants to have a relationship with you, that you'll end up alone for another 4yrs. I donno, I just don't understand it, life, love - don't get it alot of the time.
Feigned Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 I for one minute do not believe that. You dont need this kind of negativity bigheartkindsoul, because he said no to you the other guys you are yet to meet will say no as well. Finding the right person will require us to kiss a lot of frogs. Think of this break-up as the best thing that ever happened to you because you are a step closer to finding the right one!
mikesinclair Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 I donno, I just don't understand it, life, love - don't get it alot of the time. Join the club. but the one thing i have learnt is that you are not alone, and its just an imbalance in the brain the way we all think the same thoughts due to rejection. Mine was the fact that i didnt have the control of the decision to end it. we need new excitment in our lives something else to look forward to, to take our minds off the current situation(s), thats all it is, well thats my realisation of it all.... Im sure the right one for us all is somewhere, clearly our ex's were not otherwise we would still be with them. i have taken all of the lessons i learnt in that relationship ( and there were a few ) and now im looking at me and my career, and then when i least expect it, there she will be, the " one " keep ur chin up, mines been down for too long im developing a double chin, dont want that.. M
FindingMyselfAgain Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 "but do you ever feel that no one wants you, no one wants to have a relationship with you, that you'll end up alone for another 4yrs." I will marry you tomorrow, but you need to move to the US.
MattyTee Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 I for one minute do not believe that. You dont need this kind of negativity bigheartkindsoul, because he said no to you the other guys you are yet to meet will say no as well. Finding the right person will require us to kiss a lot of frogs. Think of this break-up as the best thing that ever happened to you because you are a step closer to finding the right one! Hey Heart, Just my two pennies but I don't think kissing frogs is the way to go The best thing to do is find some inner peace and some love for yourself. Being alone is a matter of perspective, if you tell yourself you are lonely, you'll feel lonely. There is nothing wrong with being alone, when you enjoy your own company others won't be able to help being drawn to you. Remember, you've loved deeply and that can only be a good thing. Something I have learnt is that no matter how many compliments one gets unless you really believe you are worth something then you won't be hearing them. Try not to validate yourself by others opinions or whether or not you have a boyfriend. Once you love yourself, miracles will happen. Just what I'm feeling from my own perspective now Take care *hugs*
marty Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 Hey Heart, Just my two pennies but I don't think kissing frogs is the way to go The best thing to do is find some inner peace and some love for yourself. Being alone is a matter of perspective, if you tell yourself you are lonely, you'll feel lonely. There is nothing wrong with being alone, when you enjoy your own company others won't be able to help being drawn to you. Remember, you've loved deeply and that can only be a good thing. Something I have learnt is that no matter how many compliments one gets unless you really believe you are worth something then you won't be hearing them. Try not to validate yourself by others opinions or whether or not you have a boyfriend. Once you love yourself, miracles will happen. Just what I'm feeling from my own perspective now Take care *hugs* totally agree matty. well said. i'm in the same boat BHKS, feel very lonely at times. never thinking there is someone out there for me. this is the first time i've been on my own since i was 15 (now 35). scares the s&*t out of me at times. when i look back at my past relationships, i didnt have any control over when and where they started. love tends to happen when you least expect it. could bump into someone tomorrow who you'll spend the rest of your life with. we all wake up in the morning not truly knowing what the day will bring,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 do you ever feel that no one wants you, no one wants to have a relationship with you, that you'll end up alone for another 4yrs. I get what you are saying. Yes, I do feel this way. Only I feel that it won't be four years - it will be the rest of my life because of my age and my health. Worse than the feeling that no one will want me, is the feeling that I don't want anyone but him and can't imagine wanting anyone but him. Of course, my breakup is still pretty new - three weeks give or take. I think feelings like this are normal, but it doesn't make them suck any less. Our situations are likely going to get better with time and some healing. Just hang in there. You are young, attractive and it sounds like you have a lot going for you. Some lucky guy will snatch you up one day, and you will wonder how you ever could have felt so sad.
Spinderella Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 Don't put your focus on finding a man. There's SO much more to life. As Matty says, feel the love inside you. Don't focus on what you can get, but what you can give, and you will start to realise just how special you are. (hug)
Numb_L.Park Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 Im in the same boat. I tend to go a few years without anyone then boom im in a 12 month to 5 year relationship. Married once, engaged 3 times and still looking for a princess !!
brothermartin Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 So he dumped me, he was the first B/F in four years, I loved him more than I ever thought I could love anyone. He is no longer in my life. I get lots of compliments from guys, be it on here, work clients, work colleagues - but do you ever feel that no one wants you, no one wants to have a relationship with you, that you'll end up alone for another 4yrs. I donno, I just don't understand it, life, love - don't get it alot of the time. I know this is going to sound like a real cliche' and Im sorry for that, but life and love are'nt meant to be understood, only experienced. There are men out there that want you, but its not about that. There is so much about you that you need to learn to love first. Then you will see that life truly is what you make it. Hang in there BIGHEART. I may not know you or truly love you the way you wish, but I, like many others here, find myself wanting to.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 12, 2007 Author Posted November 12, 2007 I don't want someone because thats what society says is correct, I want someone because it is great to love & cherish and be loved and cherished in return. I do have so much to give and so much going for me and for years in the past it went to waste (i'm talking loved of opp sex not love for friends and family and self here) and I am scared that it will go to waste for another load of years. Its not fair, it shouldn't be happening this way to me, I am a good person I do lots of good and all I get is crap back.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 I don't want someone because thats what society says is correct, I want someone because it is great to love & cherish and be loved and cherished in return. I do have so much to give and so much going for me and for years in the past it went to waste (i'm talking loved of opp sex not love for friends and family and self here) and I am scared that it will go to waste for another load of years. Its not fair, it shouldn't be happening this way to me, I am a good person I do lots of good and all I get is crap back. BKHS, your ex clearly did a number on you sister. You need to stop allowing HIS actions and words to define who you are or how you see yourself. Stop thinking of yourself as the victim of this man's emotional crimes. Take control of your thoughts and your emotions. Realize that you are a beautiful woman with a big heart. Start to see yourself through your own personal lens, not that of your ex's. It's neither healthy nor productive. The more you allow yourself to feel and think this way, the less success you'll have with men in general. They will pick up on your "woe is me" vibes and stay far away.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 12, 2007 Author Posted November 12, 2007 Yes he did, I here what your saying about victimisation I just don't know how to do it, I have so many self help books, books on self esteem, I have done everything I can to improved myself and learn from it. Too be honest I wish I could kill myself, just so this pain, confusion would be over and done with because I am sick of it and I'm sick of being nice, learning from mistakes and getting no where for it. Extreme yes, truth yes.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Yes he did, I here what your saying about victimisation I just don't know how to do it, I have so many self help books, books on self esteem, I have done everything I can to improved myself and learn from it. Too be honest I wish I could kill myself, just so this pain, confusion would be over and done with because I am sick of it and I'm sick of being nice, learning from mistakes and getting no where for it. Extreme yes, truth yes. Are you seeing a therapist BKHS? I'd totally give you a hug right now if I could. I HATE seeing a fellow female feel like she has so little worth because of some dumbass she had the misfortune of meeting. If thoughts of suicide have entered your head, you really DO need to speak to a professional. You're too much of a hotty and sweetheart to do such a thing. Don't do anything rash BKHS! I hope you'll pick up the phone and call a gf up to talk. PM me your IM if you'd like and we chat further on IM. Whatever you do, TALK TO SOMEONE! Hugs to you.
Spinderella Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Yes he did, I here what your saying about victimisation I just don't know how to do it, I have so many self help books, books on self esteem, I have done everything I can to improved myself and learn from it. Too be honest I wish I could kill myself, just so this pain, confusion would be over and done with because I am sick of it and I'm sick of being nice, learning from mistakes and getting no where for it. Extreme yes, truth yes.Okay, this might sound wierd, but just ACCEPT that you feel like this. The more you fight with what you percieve as the truth, the stronger you make it. So accept that this is how you feel, without fighting it. (hugs)
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 12, 2007 Author Posted November 12, 2007 Are you seeing a therapist BKHS? I'd totally give you a hug right now if I could. I HATE seeing a fellow female feel like she has so little worth because of some dumbass she had the misfortune of meeting. If thoughts of suicide have entered your head, you really DO need to speak to a professional. You're too much of a hotty and sweetheart to do such a thing. Don't do anything rash BKHS! I hope you'll pick up the phone and call a gf up to talk. PM me your IM if you'd like and we chat further on IM. Whatever you do, TALK TO SOMEONE! Hugs to you. Thank you, thank you so much. x Okay, this might sound wierd, but just ACCEPT that you feel like this. The more you fight with what you percieve as the truth, the stronger you make it. So accept that this is how you feel, without fighting it. (hugs) So confusing. I want to fight but then every time I get the little bit of fight back I get knocked. Maybe your right, maybe I should just be sad and down and leave myself too it, but I don't like it, its not nice. I just don't know. Don't get me wrong sometimes I feel great othertimes I feel like giving up. I'd just like some continuity.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 12, 2007 Author Posted November 12, 2007 Can't take it anymore these thoughts are over running in my head, thoughts of love, cheating, jealousy, not finding love, not being loveable, blah blah blah. I wish they'd just shut up and leave me alone. I've had it.
mikesinclair Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Can't take it anymore these thoughts are over running in my head, thoughts of love, cheating, jealousy, not finding love, not being loveable, blah blah blah. I wish they'd just shut up and leave me alone. I've had it. Me too, if anyone knows of any good cures to stop the brain thinking please advise......
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 12, 2007 Author Posted November 12, 2007 What really does annoy me is the flip flopping with being ok then not then am. Also I am over him, I totally know in my heart its over, I never want to see or hear from him again. Also know it is for the best. So if I know all this then WHAT IS THE PROBLEM!!! aarrrgggghhhh I need a new distraction, something else to get my teeth into - hoping a kitten might just do the trick and at least I can get some love, cuddles and affection from the kitten too. God I just wanna be normal again.
MattyTee Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 You can't stop the brain thinking but you can give it something else to think about. Firstly, give writing a go. Go out, buy an exercise book and start writing - write about all the anger, love, jealousy etc until you can write no more. Make it scrappy, make it neat, change how hard you press on the pen - go with it. Something else you can do is to take on those thoughts. One of them pops in your head... tell it to f' right off. It pops in again, tell it to f' off again. If you haven't already tried meditation can help. Sit somewhere quiet and comfortable. Keep your back straight. Breathe in and out deeply and focus your mind on the feeling of your breath, the sound of the air going in and out. Let thoughts come and go, don't analyse them just let them happen. When you lose focus don't worry, just come back to the breathing. If any thoughts come in to your head that you can't get rid of, ones you don't like. Then imagine that you are breathing them out - let them go.
marty Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 yep, it drives me nuts too. up and down like a f'in yoyo. your not alone bhks. sometimes think i should go to a hypnotist and forget the last 2 years. but then again, it's what makes us who we are. i dont feel like it right now (another day off work, thank god its a family business), but in the end, someday, i'll be a stronger person because of all this s&*t.
ncpd25 Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 BHKS, I too, feel the same as you. There are times when I feel that things are going to be fine, then all of a sudden, a wave of hopelessness comes over me. I feel so lonely, like I will never meet anybody to share life's experiences with. It really is such a horrible feeling. You said, you're over him and you don't ever want to see him again. If that's the case, you must realize, your making progress. I would think you initially felt as if you couldn't live without him. Now you know you don't need him in your life. That's one hurdle you made it over. Now, you're running towards the next...Getting over the feeling that you will never meet another that will satisfy all of your desires. To be cared about, to be loved.....That's the next hurdle to jump over. You're nearing the finish line!! In reality, you're going through the unfortunate steps of a break-up. I know it's not fun (I could think of better things to do). Fact of the matter is, we will all make it, learn from it and in the end, we will all find the happiness we are looking for. I said it before on another of your threads....You're a knockout and have so much going for you. Any guy with a brain in his head will realize that when he meets you. Right now, you need to finish the healing process. It's just a matter of time, before, all the planets line up and you'll be back where you want to be!! A big thing for me right now, is to be around people (friends). I could be feeling down and as soon as I meet up with my friends , I feel so much better. That's what I need right now to help me through this point of the break-up. You always have a beautiful smile on your face in all of the pictures you post. You have the strength within in you. Dig deep and overcome these feelings. Before you know it, you'll be wondering why you ever felt this way. Stay strong gorgeous!!
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 12, 2007 Author Posted November 12, 2007 Yeah I am more knowledgable and have learnt alot about men, relationships and myself since. Just still the thoughts come and go, the feelings of being low or being ok chop and change. Although over him and never wishing him anywhere near me again, guess I am still hurt a bit and angry at what he did. Still shocked that someone who loved me (supposeidly) could do that and how they did it. I am not perfect, I am no angel, I have my faults but I can be honest enough to admit them in a relationship, work hard at a relationship and be open and honest in one. Guess I either need to harden up against life and love or realise I am just gonna get hurt again and again because I am too nice and do too much, and get treated like **** for my troubles.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 12, 2007 Author Posted November 12, 2007 BHKS, I too, feel the same as you. There are times when I feel that things are going to be fine, then all of a sudden, a wave of hopelessness comes over me. I feel so lonely, like I will never meet anybody to share life's experiences with. It really is such a horrible feeling. You said, you're over him and you don't ever want to see him again. If that's the case, you must realize, your making progress. I would think you initially felt as if you couldn't live without him. Now you know you don't need him in your life. That's one hurdle you made it over. Now, you're running towards the next...Getting over the feeling that you will never meet another that will satisfy all of your desires. To be cared about, to be loved.....That's the next hurdle to jump over. You're nearing the finish line!! In reality, you're going through the unfortunate steps of a break-up. I know it's not fun (I could think of better things to do). Fact of the matter is, we will all make it, learn from it and in the end, we will all find the happiness we are looking for. I said it before on another of your threads....You're a knockout and have so much going for you. Any guy with a brain in his head will realize that when he meets you. Right now, you need to finish the healing process. It's just a matter of time, before, all the planets line up and you'll be back where you want to be!! A big thing for me right now, is to be around people (friends). I could be feeling down and as soon as I meet up with my friends , I feel so much better. That's what I need right now to help me through this point of the break-up. You always have a beautiful smile on your face in all of the pictures you post. You have the strength within in you. Dig deep and overcome these feelings. Before you know it, you'll be wondering why you ever felt this way. Stay strong gorgeous!! Thank you, its things like that people write, their kind words that help get me through the low points, like you say about being around friends, its so true so sometimes its not possible so try to get strength from you guys and your so great. I need to keep my self worth up, not let it keep nose diving like it is, I just donno how. I wish life came with a set of instructions and break ups with an "IKEA style put it together/fix it all with one Alan Key"
Lizzie60 Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 So he dumped me, he was the first B/F in four years, I loved him more than I ever thought I could love anyone. He is no longer in my life. I get lots of compliments from guys, be it on here, work clients, work colleagues - but do you ever feel that no one wants you, no one wants to have a relationship with you, that you'll end up alone for another 4yrs. I donno, I just don't understand it, life, love - don't get it alot of the time. I have read a few of your posts.. and you come out as being very negative, very insecure, 'drama queen' type... sorry but if you come out like that in real life... I am not surprised that you are turning your potention bf off... You might come out as being weak and insecure, emotionally dependant.. which is a huge turn-off for both men and women... I know it is for me anyway.
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