Leahh Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 So there's a guy that I get along extremely well with- our personalities mesh in every way possible. He's made it clear to me on a few occasions that he would like to move past being friends. Problem: he's ugly. I never thought I was this kind of person but apparently I am. I wish there was some possible way around this! I know for a fact if he was even a little bit more attractive I would definitely date him. I don't mean to sound like a complete bitch in saying this either (I would obviously never tell him any of this in person, or to anyone I know in person- so I'm asking strangers!). I guess what I'm saying is- am I being a selfish bitch and should I bite the bullet and try it, or am I being practical? I don't want to lead him on for one date if I'm going to end up still thinking the same thing. I mean is it possible to think someones ugly for a few dates and kind of make yourself think he's attractive? I don't even know... input would be nice! If age is an issue- we are both in our young 20's. Thanks in advance for your responses!
Mezzi Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 I dont think you are being selfish. There is nothing wrong in refusing to go out with someone because you dont view them as being attractive.
JosieMcCoy Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 Yes! Don't date someone you are not into! Not fair to you! And not fair to Mr. Ugly!
Author Leahh Posted November 11, 2007 Author Posted November 11, 2007 thanks guys-- I'm into his personality, but not his looks at all unfortunately
Pedigree Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 Yeah, I'll agree with the sentiments already posted. Physical attraction's not everything but there's got to be some there for me to even want to date a girl. How do you plan on breaking the news to the poor guy?
LovesDog Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 DON'T DO IT! You'll never get past it...tell him he is a really great friend
ahah2322 Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 my bf is not cute/handsome by my standards. i hung out with him and the feelings were platonic in nature. he has a strong character and is very confident i.e. unlike guys who will succumb to any tantrum/ willingly be a doormat etc. slowly and increasingly, i find myself attracted to him and till now, i think he's the most handsome guy in the world never at any point in time did i think that i would be in a relationship with him for he's not aesthetically pleasing by my standards or my family's standard. the point i'm trying to convey is that you shouldn't shut the door and instead keep the options open for you may find yourself slowly but definitely drifting towards him. good luck babe. and no, you're not being selfish..!!
Ocean-Blue Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 So there's a guy that I get along extremely well with- our personalities mesh in every way possible. He's made it clear to me on a few occasions that he would like to move past being friends. Problem: he's ugly. I never thought I was this kind of person but apparently I am. I wish there was some possible way around this! I know for a fact if he was even a little bit more attractive I would definitely date him. I don't mean to sound like a complete bitch in saying this either (I would obviously never tell him any of this in person, or to anyone I know in person- so I'm asking strangers!). I guess what I'm saying is- am I being a selfish bitch and should I bite the bullet and try it, or am I being practical? I don't want to lead him on for one date if I'm going to end up still thinking the same thing. I mean is it possible to think someones ugly for a few dates and kind of make yourself think he's attractive? I don't even know... input would be nice! If age is an issue- we are both in our young 20's. Thanks in advance for your responses! Do you find him objectively ugly or subjectively ugly? If it's the latter...then I don't see it going anywhere. One can be attracted to someone who is, objectively speaking, "ugly". But if you are repulsed by him and can't see any sort of chemistry on your end...it's a lost cause I'm afraid. However, you never know. Sometimes, people grow on you. What was once ugly suddenly begins to look appealing (personalities grow on you over time). We begin to find attractive those we like and enjoy spending time with. It all depends on how much his appearance bothers you. You may be able to overcome it, you may not. Only further interaction with this guy will help you figure it out.
compassion42 Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 Ocean Blue made a really great point. Attraction can be multi-layered and I truly believe it can grow in time. But if the guy is physically repulsive to you it most likely won't be something you can over look.
Enema Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 Is it something he could fix, or just bad genetics?
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