xxscarredxx Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 3 months into my new job, i one day had to work with him. Ever since that day, he decided to pursue me. He asked for my number so we could meet up for a "harmless lunch date", which i accepted, but had no intention on pursuing anything with him, since he is married. Now here we are, almost a year later, and nothing has changed about this situation except the feelings we have for each other, which are way strong; hell he even has a key to my apartment! He says he's not happy with the marriage of 3 years, but can't leave because he has 3 kids with his W. At one point, he was telling me that he wanted me to have a child with him as well. (which I am on birth control). He gets these jealousy fits as if he really wants to be with me, and he confuses me sometime because he'll say things like, "If we were to get together, would u be faithful to me?" or send a text message saying things like, "Sometimes i think about me and u being together exclusively." I don't like the mixed signals he sends me. This situation has taken a toll on me. Now I take anti-depressants and i always want to be with him. I try to convince myself to get over him because he's a loser and not worth the worry. I'm tired of being the OW and i want things to be the way they used to be before i met him. I've already had to change my cell number once because his W found my number. I just want him out of sight and out of mind.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 I'm tired of being the OW and i want things to be the way they used to be before i met him. I've already had to change my cell number once because his W found my number. I just want him out of sight and out of mind. If you're tired of it, get out of it...Break it off with him, change your number again and block his email...It will never be like it was before DDay...Either make peace with that or you'll drive yourself nuts... (((HUGS)))
whichwayisup Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 Ask yourself this, would you put up with such shoddy treatment from a single guy? Would you go on anti-depressents and stay in an abusive relationship with a single guy? My guess is no - You'd end it because it was an unhealthy relationship. So, apply this logic in your situation now with the MM. He is married and trying to woo you to him so you can be the OW longer in his life. He says one thing but his actions tell another tale - He's still married and has no plans on changing that. You being the OW is killing you so please, take control of your life and end it now before you end up in more pain than you're already in. Take some time and read some other threads by OW in this section, maybe seeing what they've been through will help you gain the strength to say goodbye to him. Good luck.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 He gets these jealousy fits as if he really wants to be with me, and he confuses me sometime because he'll say things like, "If we were to get together, would u be faithful to me?" or send a text message saying things like, "Sometimes i think about me and u being together exclusively." I don't like the mixed signals he sends me. Perhaps these signals are not as mixed as they sound. Consider that he may really want to be with you, however does not trust you enough to leave his wife. Do not consider that to be your problem, it is his trust issue, not yours.
torranceshipman Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 Sweetie, He is immature and disrespectful to you and his wife. I mean...asking if you'd be faithful to him if he was single? Thats ridiculous - he is cheating on his wife and has NO business saying that to you, and also has no business being with you, while he is also with his W. It is his mess to sort out-you should leave him to it while he does. If he really meant what he says about loving you, he will move mountains to get you back, believe me (but I hope he doesnt try to get you back if you leave him - as boy you do a WHOLE lot better!!!!!). You called him a loser - unfortunately he is...and you know why? Because he sits around watching you become a shell of your former self, relying on antidepressants and always miserable ONLY BECAUSE OF HIM - and he seems to have no real issue with it, as long as he still gets to keep you. He sounds like an emotionally abusive control freak - getting off on the power he has over you - and is very selfish as a decent person just couldnt sit around and live with the guilt that comes with seeing 2 women suffer like that. Sounds like he is gaslighting you both all over the place, seriously. I'd get away from this one asap...and girl, if you do, get your key back or change the locks!!!
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 I just want him out of sight and out of mind. I know it feels like you are trapped in a cage, but you know what? You are holding the keys right there in your own hand. You want out? You really want out? Here is what needs to happen: 1. Start looking for a new job. When you get it: 2. Tell him that you need to talk. 3. Tell him that it is over. 4. Tell him that if he tries to contact you again in any way, you will tell his wife everything, and expose the affair. 5. Change the lock, and consider a new place. 6. Change your email and phone number. Block any way he has of contacting you. 7. Get a really good therapist, or continue seeing the one you see. 8. Grieve, cry, scream, journal, etc. Whatever you need to get over this. 9. One day, a while from now you will be stronger and ready for something new in your life. 10. You are better, and have unlocked your own cage and set yourself free. This won't be easy. Its like a double edged sword that cuts two ways: the cut that frees you will also be the cut that gouges your heart. But.. you have a choice: heartbreak now that you can get over in time and a chance at a legit new love in your life, or a lifetime of heartbreak being this guy's OW. Your choice.
Author xxscarredxx Posted November 22, 2007 Author Posted November 22, 2007 I appreciate all of the advice.. i surely have a lot to think about.
child_of_isis Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 Does he become violent during the jealousy fits? Do you fear for your safety?
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