Need some insight about ex-girlfriend.

[SYRACUSE03]

I'll try to make this short and to the point. Im 36, ex is 26. Together 4 1/2 years, she left 2 1/2 months ago. Very amicable breakup, no arguments, moved out peacefully. She pursued me in the beginning. She used the "I love you but not in love with you" line. I didn't pressure, and tried to work on myself while she left. Sept. was good, she called, text'd and we hung out. Oct. was good, she called, text'd and we went away in the middle of Oct. and had a great weekend. It was her idea to stay overnight. After that we still remained in contact, taking things slow and I was just focusing on bettering myself to re-spark her attraction which seems like a lost cause now. She stopped all calls and texts. However, I still didn't pressure and I called a few weeks ago and we went to lunch, no problem but slightly uncomfortable to me. After that, she still didn't call. Again I waited and called and she seemed receptive and I scheduled a dinner that I made for her. She came over 10/30, enjoyed dinner (for her Nov b-day) and we watched TV where she cuddled up to me on the couch. Since then, she's been very distant, still no calls, texts, etc. I e-mailed her this week to say good morning and she responded politely and said that everything is OK with her and that she hopes I'm doing well. I always respond that I am doing well. She sent me a very nice t/y card for some things that I got her for her b-day and the dinner. However, the last line said "I wish you the best" and she signed it, Love...her. Anyway, it's just tougher than I thought because I thought I can get through a little better. I truly want her to be happy. I guess it's time to completely back off because the roller coaster ride is killing me. Granted, relationships are always a work in progress but I shouldn't have exert all my energy to do this. I have always been of the belief that you should try everything before you go your separate ways. I hope one day she wakes up, sees that what I was doing was genuine and realizes what she lost but from what I read all over the internet, that's not going to happen. Any thoughts are welcome. Maybe someone sees something I don't. Thanks!

[melodymatters]

Sorry buddy, but i think you ARE seeing the whole picture and the subtitle's are saying " I'm just not that into you".

 

You sound sane and intelligent so just chalk this one up to " not meant to be for whatever reason" and move on.

 

You are at a perfect dating age, so go out and get' em tiger !

[Blue Eyed Brain]

I think she wanted someone to hang with on her birthday.

 

I do not think you have much with her. Dust yourself off and go look for another.

[SYRACUSE03]

Thanks for the responses! I'd like to think of it more than just "chalking one up". Her family accepted me and I was extremely comfortable with them. I felt like I lost a family to boot. Prime dating age...doesn't feel like it. If I was in my 20's maybe. I am very happy with my personality and appearance but I am hesitant about making a ton of sacrifices for that type of return. I think it will be very hard to let go without an explanation and I see me holding this against someone new.

 

One of the things that really bothers me is that I spent a good portion of time trying to make this work and for my own sanity, I wish had had more feedback from her and I feel that I at least deserve that. While in the relationship, she treated me well. I think I need to figure out what I did to let it get this far. I really never understood the concept of "walking away". In response to the birthday thing...she went out with her friends on her actual birthday but made some time before to spend with me. Can anyone decipher her actions or inactions? Thanks again!

[SYRACUSE03]

Sorry...posted same thing twice.

[FindingMyselfAgain]

Can anyone decipher her actions or inactions? Thanks again!

 

You are trying to figure it all out. It's not figurable.

 

I know what you are going through, I did it too. My conclusion was that she was insane (almost literally), and I must be too if I tried to figure it out or hold on.

 

I'd be commitable if I ever tried with her again.

 

Go, ye, and find another.

[cant let go]

i'm sure "go find another" is the last thing you want to hear and i personally won't follow with the advice so i won't restate it. however, when you are ready to find another, by all means, you should. i've been praising this book that i am reading up and down this forum. everyone here should go buy it right now and read it. it is amazing. in general, we all are in the meantime in our search for true love. once you figure out where you are and what you need to do to get where you need to be you can make your way out of the meantime. even if we are ready the person that we are ready for may not be ready for us. go. buy. now. or go sit in borders or barnes and noble and read it if you aren't ready to invest the money.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Meantime-Finding-Yourself-Love-Want/dp/0684848066/ref=ed_oe_p

[pinktiger]

I am struggling as well. I was looking for answers but I gave up. There is no answer or there is no answer will satisfy you.

[SYRACUSE03]

Thanks for all the responses. I guess until I get out of this funk, I'll keep banging my head against the wall for answers. I'm just tired of wasting time and energy into relationships. Maybe it's better off. If I could get something out of this is to realize what my I can do to change to prevent this from happening in the future.

[qwertyu]

do you know why exactly did she break up with you?

 

your ex gf sounds lil like my ex bf. I DONT UNDERSTAND him either.

 

right now, i just wna know how he really feels about me, why did we really break up & lots more so that i can see the bigger picture.

 

i find it very hard to move on too. and i dont advise finding another. i think theres no point if your heart is still with her. but if you felt like you have done your best, then maybe you shld try to be happy single instead of finding someone else asap. sadly, i havent had the chance to do my best yet. i want to continue trying but as you said, its really one hell of an emotional roller coaster ride

[SYRACUSE03]

She gave me one of the classic lines, "I love you but I'm not in love with you". Of course my heart is still with her. I live with it everyday wondering what I did and what I could have done to prevent it. Just so I don't screw up any future relationships. It just amazes me how men/women just walk away. I've never done this and hopefully she never has to feel this. I know it's something I do not deserve. Over the past couple of months, I have succeeded in gaining her trust and making her feel comfortable around me so at least I made some positive progress. Hopefully by continuing to get in better shape, get some new threads and have a positive outlook will at least make her wonder...that's all I can do right now. I'm exhausted from all of the effort.

[qwertyu]

mine was similar but yknow what? i think the next time i meet him, i will ask him till i am completely satisfied of his answers & that he gives me a reason to believe that we should break up. i know some people will say that when theres no love, theres no other reasons for it.

 

but i cant accept it, how can you tell me one day you just wake up & realise you dont love me anymore?! argh. i want to know at least when it happened (possibly awhile back before we even broke up) & WHAT is it about me that made him not love me in that way anymore. im sure there are problems with us that made them decide they cant go on with someone like us right? alternatively, there's the "bored of you" excuse. however, he said he wasnt bored of me. SO WHAT IS?

 

ok excuse me for sounding a lil angry now. haha

 

oh but anyway, later he changed his stance & told me he thinks we were not mature enough & even if i thought i was, he wasnt & so he needs a break. :/