What is she doing?

[Ichimaru]

Hi. I'm going to apolagise in advance if this is out of line, or innapropriate or whatever, for a new member to just rant about how sucky the love life is.... but the computer is all I can manage, I'm somewhat useless at expressing what i feel in person. Sorry if i go on abit.

 

 

Basically, I like this girl(.) I met her around about 2 years ago, at work. We were both junior crewmembers at our local McDonalds, I was loud and wanted to do well, to me she just wanted to wear as much make up as possible and get the guys. Im a geek, she really never was my type.

 

Anyway, a month or so after she started working, she left to go work in a care home. Im still at McDonalds. I started talking to her a year ago when I found her crying in the park. I never really liked her, but Im not a heartless bastard, so I went and sat with her. I forget what was wrong, but bottom line is we became very VERY close friends. We both work stupid hours, stupid days, but if we could we found a way to spend an hour just being together. It was during one of these lil park sessions that I felt something for her, I can't quite explain how or why it started, but I simply cant get her out of my head. I told her this while drunk, and she avoided me for a while. Fair enough, i thought. She confessed to me sometime later that she really, really does like me but her life is soooo messed up, that she cant be with me, so as to protect me from the 'Inner-Bitch' as she put it. What? Are your boyfriends not worthy of this protection? Why am *I*?

 

Now, I dont know why, but it was about then that I fell even further for her. I physically cannot get her out of my head, and its been like that for months now. Why? I don't know.

 

Anywho, I dont date like, ever, whereas she's always got a boyfriend of some description, though theyre usually drug users, maniacs or just general chavs. So our get-togethers in the park almost always seem to be about her failing love life, and the fact that her and Bill are on a break AGAIN. Yesterday, It was getting dark (damn winter) so we went to the pub. Good plan. I don't drink, but for some reason I did last night. Not a lot, like, 2 JD & Coke. She asked that we go outside because she wants a ciggarette. Fair play, cant smoke indoors. So we went and sat on the stairs.

 

When I get drunk, I get sleepy/sad. Dunno why, but she asked "whats wrong? Is this because I've been rambling about Bill again?", to which i drunkenly blurted out "Its because I wish I was him", and so we had a chat (the contents of which elude me = alcohol damn), and at some point she kissed me, and said "thats how i feeel". She went on to say that she was with Bill purly because he's more sociable than I am, and that if i were more sociable she'd be with me, not him. The Irony is she wasnt that drunk, I really don't know why she said that, or what she wanted me to say.

 

Next day (Almost at the end, i promise), Shes not answering the phone. Nowhere to be seen. And based on bills comments on her myspace, Her and Bill are off a break. ("hey sexy, thanks for being you. It'll work this time, ly xxxxxxxxx").

 

I just..... For every given situation there is a logical answer, a responce to be issued. I don't know what it is for this. I just wonder what I should do next. I need to be awake in a few hours for work, and all i can think off is that kiss.

 

 

Like i say, sorry to be troubling you with lil old me, but any help would be appreciated. Also, if ive been vauge anywhere (read: to tired to make sense), feel free to hit me with a frying pan, then ask for clarification.

 

 

- Thanks

[Sean0775]

Basically, and this is as blunt as I can be, she's using you as her emotional tampon while she gets wined and dined by every high living ******* in town. Just walk away, you'll be better off.