Lucky555 Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 So i have come across this in some previous relationships where the guy wants a casual relationship and see where things go sort of thing. The thing is i can go along with a casual relationship because if your just getting to know someone its hard to determine if u want a relationship with them, if you don't know them. However after knowing them for awhile and they know you..shouldn't things progress forward? And how long before you just call it quits? Also when a guy just wants to see you casually is it ok to see other people? (should they be offended?) I don't like hurting people's feelings and when I am seeing someone casually I do want to see other people but I know that always pushes the "caual person" farther away and I don't want to be sneaky either...SO is there a middle ground. GOSH CONFUSED! What if you invest time with this one person who can only give you causal and u miss out on someone else who may want what you want? (this is why i think its necessary to see other people if your only able to get "casual" from the person."
BeautifulMusic Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 I agree. I think being exclusive necessarily requires a more serious relationship. To me, "casual" would mean NOT being exclusive and seeing how things go. To find out what casual means to whoever wants to date you casually, though, you'd have to ask them. There can always be shades of gray when using ambiguous terms like that, and it's best to avoid miscommunication.
Phateless Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 In any relationship, the terms must be defined by the participants. Honestly, I think you're just scared to ask the questions cuz you don't want to push him away, which is normal... but you have to do it. There is no "accepted" definition... There are general understandings, but you really should hammer out the details with your guy. My understanding of casual means essentially the same thing as friends with benefits. You're "dating", just not exclusively. Just please, for the love of god, don't say "so what are we?". I would just say "I just wanted to clarify our rules. What does casual mean to you?" and he'll explain. Then you can reply back with "so if there's no commitment, I'm free to see other people, as are you, correct? If I sleep with anyone else, I'll use protection. I'd appreciate it if you'd do the same." easy...
Author Lucky555 Posted November 10, 2007 Author Posted November 10, 2007 Thanks for having me realize something here..So me not understanding what he means by causal is perfectly logical! i just thought i was confused due to my lack of understanding the term in relationship lingo. When really this something to be "communicated" and asking what HE means. Yes, i have found that i must be scared to ask him to tell me what he means and i think this is due to having him think i want commitment right away which i DO believe that would push him away. Commitment when you don't know someone is too much even for me, but thanks for having me see that. I guess its ok to be forward and ask if casual means seeing other people and such. Thats really helped because it clears up the confusion and i am not left wondering either. I know he this guy does not want friends with benefits because i asked him before....which is confusing if hes using the word casual.
BeautifulMusic Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Thanks for having me realize something here..So me not understanding what he means by causal is perfectly logical! i just thought i was confused due to my lack of understanding the term in relationship lingo. When really this something to be "communicated" and asking what HE means. Yes, i have found that i must be scared to ask him to tell me what he means and i think this is due to having him think i want commitment right away which i DO believe that would push him away. Commitment when you don't know someone is too much even for me, but thanks for having me see that. I guess its ok to be forward and ask if casual means seeing other people and such. Thats really helped because it clears up the confusion and i am not left wondering either. I know he this guy does not want friends with benefits because i asked him before....which is confusing if hes using the word casual. Well, I think the different between FWB and casual is that a casual relationship has an expectation that if things go well it might develop into more over time, which is a pretty important distinction. Perhaps this is what he meant? But, again, you'd have to ask him. Sounds like you're going to, though. And you will feel much better once you know you two are on the same page!
Phateless Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Well, I think the different between FWB and casual is that a casual relationship has an expectation that if things go well it might develop into more over time, which is a pretty important distinction. Perhaps this is what he meant? But, again, you'd have to ask him. Sounds like you're going to, though. And you will feel much better once you know you two are on the same page! Agreed, that is a very important distinction that I did not make. Thanks for clarifying!! Lucky - I'm glad I could help. Notice the way I phrased my quote almost sounds as if you're excited about having no commitment to him. That does two things for you. 1) takes the pressure of a commitment off of him so he'll relax 2) makes him well aware that unless there's a commitment he has NO claim to you. In sales we call this move "the take-away" I got your back, girlie.
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