BeautifulMusic Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 I prefer to think most men WON'T pursue a woman rather than can't. I personally can't stand be forced to chase a woman around like a starved puma. I can see not meeting someone after one conversation, but having to screen and test a man for weeks on end before doing something as simple as having dinner with him is downright ridiculous. I'm currently trying to get a woman to have dinner with me who I've been talking to via phone for going on a week, and spending my time talking with no tangible results is already starting to get old. Oh, and I happen to be a strong leader as well, just ask the people I supervise. The last guy I went out with, he was very flirty with me, but I waited a month and we saw each other a few times at work and he never made a move. So I suggested to him we exchange numbers and then after that he asked me out. It was the first time I've done something like that, normally I would just wait for the guy to ask, but I'm glad the first time I did, it worked out well, because it makes me more inclined to do it again in the future. I'm sure it's discouraging to guys to have to do all the pursuing. I don't think it's bad for women to initiate things occasionally, but I wouldn't consistently do it. Generally, men pursuing works out better. I just got sick of waiting around when I knew I wanted to go out with him.
Author uniqueone Posted November 12, 2007 Author Posted November 12, 2007 I don't think it's bad for women to initiate things occasionally, but I wouldn't consistently do it. Generally, men pursuing works out better. I just got sick of waiting around when I knew I wanted to go out with him. But wouldn't you rather have wanted to know that HE wanted to go out with YOU enough to have made the effort to have asked you for your number? Btw, your situation doesn't completely count as an example anyway, because he actually did the asking for a date.
Pyro Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Is it easier for men to date than it is for women? It seems like men are less picky...at least some of the men that I know. Their requirements for a woman.....thin, attractive and nice. That's it. My requirements for a guy? Pfffft! Let's add intelligence to that (high, preferably), educated, professional, similar sense of humor, no young kids, etc..... But my male friend: Thin, attractive and nice. That's it. (Then again, he's divorced so maybe he doesn't exactly pick well) But another thing is....men get to pick. Now I know some men will argue that women do the picking but let me explain. Women do the picking from the group of men that pursue them. Keep in mind though, this doesn't mean that they have winners pursuing them. Oftentimes women get to pick from a group of losers. Is that really "picking"? My male friend does the personals. When I was considering signing back up, he told me to go through and see if there were any that looked good to me. I told him that wouldn't matter. Even if I saw some that looked good on the site, it doesn't mean that they'd contact me. And, as I've explained before on here, I won't contact them. I've done that and it doesn't work. It truely does not work when women initiate it, therefore I no longer will. Then, once in a relationship, men require so little. Women want emotional intimacy and discussion. Guys less so. So this is what prompted me to post this and once again, I'm submitting this before I lose another post......... I would say that asking out someone is more difficult for males because for the most part they are the ones to do the pursuing, but as far as the rest of dating goes, I would say that its as equally challenging for both genders, unless of course if you are not picky and will take what you can get.
Author uniqueone Posted November 12, 2007 Author Posted November 12, 2007 So what exactly are you saying ... you want to be equal in every other way BUT the man must still pay for everything when wooing you? Yeah....pretty much so. And the men that I've dated DO, btw. Maybe it's a generational thing because the guys my age don't seem to have a problem with it. Maybe you need to look up what "wooing" is in order to understand it. "Wooing" has nothing to do with equality.
BeautifulMusic Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 But wouldn't you rather have wanted to know that HE wanted to go out with YOU enough to have made the effort to have asked you for your number? Btw, your situation doesn't completely count as an example anyway, because he actually did the asking for a date. Yeah, but that goes both ways. Maybe he hadn't asked for my number yet because he wasn't sure if I was interested in him and he was giving it more time. And my situation doesn't count for an example in terms of asking someone out, I agree, but Sean was talking about girls making guys do all the pursuing and I was responding to that. I can understand why that would be frustrating for guys.
TheSilentType Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Women have it easier hands down. They are able to get away with much more.
Gunny376 Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Its not easy for either gender ~ guys have to grow a thick skin and learn how to deal with not only rejection ~ but ridicule to the point of abuse. Rules? Such nonsense, such BS. This "dance" of courtship. Most men are absolutely clueless as to the rules. The "rules" exsist mostly in the minds of women! My "list" of must have in my early twenties use to include "must have a pulse and be able to fog up a mirror!" My list now at fifty? Kids grown and gone ~ and on their own. Not on crack, not on crystal-meth, not a "slacker", not an alchoholic etc. No addictions. Pyscholgoically balanced, mature, responsible ~ in other words ~ not having the propensity to cause me grief in life! Isn't on the same pay-roll as I am. Intellegence and education. Or at least the willingness to broaden their horizons and experience other things outside of their comfort zones. Other cultures, food, the arts, architecture, go to a play instead of a movie, etc. Self-supporting, and independent. Doesn't need a man~ but wants someone in her life! Gives as good as she takes! Someone who reads! Who persues knowledge for the sake of knowledge! Someone who appreciates "Knowledge is KING!" Part of the problem in dating women? Is that you've not only got to overcome the "list" intially? You've got the "Double-Secret-Woman's Scoring System?" Most guys aren't aware of it! It starts the minute you say "Hello" to a woman? She's sizing you up. Adding and subtracting points. And most of them have a value of "1" in the woman's eyes? But? In the man's eyes's they have a value of 30 or more. Sending her roses on Valentines day? Man? 30 points Woman? 1 (Doing what you expected him to do!) Sending roses "just because?" Man? 2 points Woman ~ 6 points! Leaving dishes in the sink? Man? 1 point Woman? -4 points! Putting dishes in the dishwasher? Man? 1 point! Woman ~ 0 points! Loading, emptying and drying all the dishes in the dish washer? 6 points! Men? Think its the "big things" that they do every once in awhile that get them points? Naw! It all the little things ~ day to day everyday ~ each and every day! Men? They think I did this and I did that, and that got me "big" points. When its actually more a case of "take care of your pennies ~ and your dollars will take care of themselves!" Do this if your in a realtionship? For one week, each of you keep a score of the value on a scale of 1 to 5 of what each other does for the other. At the end of the week, compare notes! I think you will be quite surpriised!
BlueEyedGirl Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 Yeah, but that goes both ways. Maybe he hadn't asked for my number yet because he wasn't sure if I was interested in him and he was giving it more time. I fully disagree. With my extended experience with men, the one that really likes you WILL risk rejection even if he is not sure if you are interested and will ask you out. If he doesn't, either he doesn't like you enough or he is totally spineless (and I certainly don't want that). BTW Sean, we are not talking here about some mad chase or pursual of women (at least I am not). Just making the first move, asking for a number and then for a date will do. If I like a guy, I will give him hints, make it obvious in a subtle way but won't make any concrete moves. Ever. Sure you can have examples when Sally asked John out and now they have been happily married for years, just like you hear stories of a person buying one lottery ticket and winning 10 million dollars. But I don't like my odds.
BeautifulMusic Posted November 12, 2007 Posted November 12, 2007 I fully disagree. With my extended experience with men, the one that really likes you WILL risk rejection even if he is not sure if you are interested and will ask you out. If he doesn't, either he doesn't like you enough or he is totally spineless (and I certainly don't want that). Okay, perhaps, but... I just got sick of waiting around when I knew I wanted to go out with him. Why can't I do something to help speed up the process if I want to? He still asked me out, all I did was offer to exchange numbers. And, regardless, I'm not sure it's fair to make assumptions about what men will do. Men, at the end of the day, are individuals, and just because you think most men might act a certain way doesn't mean EVERY man will act that way. I think it's fair to say there are many men who have liked a woman and waited more than a month before they asked her out for whatever reason, whether it's that they're shy or something else. I know, because my ex-boyfriend was one of them! And really, the only reason I said that originally is because it seems like the perspective in looking at this is so skewed. So, I shouldn't approach a guy because I should want to know that he liked me enough to ask me out, etc. Why can't a man feel this way? I'm not saying that I don't think men should do the pursuing most of the time, it does seem to work out better that way. But are you saying a guy isn't allowed to wait for signs that a woman likes him before he asks her out? And if he does, he's spineless? Wow.
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