Sean0775 Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 If you think about Seinfeld though, they were always breaking up with the people they dated for completely arbitrary reasons. "She eats her peas one at a time- I've seen her eat corn niblets, but she scooped them!" (Haha, why do I know every line of this show?) So maybe some men are picky, but not in the sort of "relationship checklist" way many women are. I don't think anything tops Jerry not being able to kiss a very attractive woman because Newman broke up with her saying she wasn't pretty enough. "All I could think was, 'Newman found this unacceptable?'":laugh:
Philbert Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Is it possible us women are wrong? That dating is not easier for men? I don't know if it's easier, but it certainly isn't easy. What would be easier is if women would say they're interested instead of sending this secret code of "signals" to someone who may not even be looking in her direction, or looking in her direction but lost in thought so the code goes unnoticed.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Here is what I think. Women are, generally speaking, more pickier. Men, whilst dating, aren't overly picky. So when a woman dates a man and pursues a relationship with him, she is, on the whole, really "into him". The guy on the other hand is more likely (relative to the female) to be lukewarm about the relationship (b/c he wasn't really picky in the beginning). This is why so many women complain that the man doesn't want commitment, etc. However, when a man finally lands a woman who he wants (after applying his picky list), he does whatever the heck he can do to hold on to her (because all those who came before her merely fit the basic criteria). I've seen this happen so many times. Women narrow the list down right from the get go and go after what they like, whereas guys settle for the basics and then want out when things get serious.
squeak Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 I've seen this happen so many times. Women narrow the list down right from the get go and go after what they like, whereas guys settle for the basics and then want out when things get serious. What do you think makes the man decide to officially think about and then apply his picky list, whilst he was drifting before?
BeautifulMusic Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Here is what I think. Women are, generally speaking, more pickier. Men, whilst dating, aren't overly picky. So when a woman dates a man and pursues a relationship with him, she is, on the whole, really "into him". The guy on the other hand is more likely (relative to the female) to be lukewarm about the relationship (b/c he wasn't really picky in the beginning). This is why so many women complain that the man doesn't want commitment, etc. However, when a man finally lands a woman who he wants (after applying his picky list), he does whatever the heck he can do to hold on to her (because all those who came before her merely fit the basic criteria). I've seen this happen so many times. Women narrow the list down right from the get go and go after what they like, whereas guys settle for the basics and then want out when things get serious. Okay, that's really interesting... I never looked at it that way but I can totally see your point. Because that's the way I am, I don't want to get into a relationship unless I really like a guy, but I know many guys would have more of a "we'll see where this goes" attitude when it comes to relationships. So if they're picky, it's at a later stage usually. Also, I'm beginning to feel like this tendency to be so guarded about who I date before I even start anything is shooting myself in the foot because I just end up rarely dating anyone. So maybe the male strategy is better in that way, I don't know...
squeak Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Okay, that's really interesting... I never looked at it that way but I can totally see your point. Because that's the way I am, I don't want to get into a relationship unless I really like a guy, but I know many guys would have more of a "we'll see where this goes" attitude when it comes to relationships. So if they're picky, it's at a later stage usually. Also, I'm beginning to feel like this tendency to be so guarded about who I date before I even start anything is shooting myself in the foot because I just end up rarely dating anyone. So maybe the male strategy is better in that way, I don't know... Well, maybe the way you are doing it is just fine according to Ocean Blue's theory-because she said the guy only holds on and cares when he actually thought about and applied the picky list in the early screening stages.
Racquel Colette Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 He only requires that they be thin, attractive and nice for the ones he's not necessarily serious with. The one he becomes serious with and wants to marry, it will be deeper than that. It will be the woman who challenges him intellectually and keeps him on his toes by not rolling over for him and being his doormat. It will be the one who is not available to pick up the phone whenever he calls. Also, all men don't want a thin woman necessarily, that is ridiculous. Plus thin is relative. If that were true, no nonthin woman would be in relationships and get married, which happens all the time.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Gah, I typed out a response and the post seems to have disappeared. I don't believe men consciously decide at some point that they are now going to be picky. When a man meets a woman who possess attributes and traits he desires, he sticks to her b/c she fits the criteria of a list he never knew he had). Women on the other hand, because they are so picky, start off with a smaller dating pool. This pool only becomes narrower with age (at which point, some get fed up and settle for the next best thing). Does that make sense? EDIT: this is of course a generalization...but it's a trend that I've noticed.
squeak Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 oh yes, perfect sense. I agree with that. Ocean-blue-have you noticed a correlation between how influenced the man is by the woman to the depths of his love and loyalty? That is my measuring stick. It is more normal for a woman to accept certain phrases, or tastes in books and movies, or even opinions from the male. It is actually how much the woman is influencing the man that shows the bond. It is more important he is influenced by her ideas, or uses her phrases, etc, because that is indicative of him absorbing her influence. Which is more rare for men to do. Would you agree?
Trialbyfire Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 squeak, I'm going to have to disagree. Many times, players will use a synching technique, to attract women. It's a deliberate thing.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 oh yes, perfect sense. I agree with that. Ocean-blue-have you noticed a correlation between how influenced the man is by the woman to the depths of his love and loyalty? That is my measuring stick. It is more normal for a woman to accept certain phrases, or tastes in books and movies, or even opinions from the male. It is actually how much the woman is influencing the man that shows the bond. It is more important he is influenced by her ideas, or uses her phrases, etc, because that is indicative of him absorbing her influence. Which is more rare for men to do. Would you agree? I would agree. When a man is REALLY interested, he sees the woman as his equal (again, this is limited to what I've seen, heard and experienced). Because he sees her as a partner, etc. he is more inclined to explore her interests and passions. I see it all the time! Again, it goes back to my original point. A woman, who is picky right away, already sees her partner as an equal and is more inclined to share in his interests, etc. Those men who are just dating the women who fit the "basics" are less likely to invest his time and energy in her interests, etc. because he can always walk away and hit up the next gal. This stuff applies more to those who are in their 20s and onwards. I find dating patterns of teens to be more homogeneous between the sexes. It becomes more distinct as we get older.
squeak Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 squeak, I'm going to have to disagree. Many times, players will use a synching technique, to attract women. It's a deliberate thing. I can see that, it would very weird to notice that too early on. But what about over the long term? Like-for example-My friend is a vegetarian, and now her SO became one too. Whereas he was an adamant meat eater before that. But now rails on about not eating meat. What was that movie-my big fat greek wedding-the woman is the neck that turns the head. Something like that!
Trialbyfire Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 I can see that, it would very weird to notice that too early on. But what about over the long term? Like-for example-My friend is a vegetarian, and now her SO became one too. Whereas he was an adamant meat eater before that. But now rails on about not eating meat. What was that movie-my big fat greek wedding-the woman is the neck that turns the head. Something like that! If it's an LTR, over a year long, then yes, I do agree. You will find that both of you will pick up each other's habits from greater exposure to each other. Have you not noticed that couples in their 80's tend to look like brothers and sisters?
Ocean-Blue Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 If it's an LTR, over a year long, then yes, I do agree. You will find that both of you will pick up each other's habits from greater exposure to each other. Have you not noticed that couples in their 80's tend to look like brothers and sisters? I've actually heard of that phenomena. Couples who've been married for a while begin to resemble each other. I see that in my family (some of my cousins and their spouses could pass for siblings). I think we certainly pick up some of our SO's habits/traits/mannerisms. Such things are inevitable with LTRs.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 squeak, I'm going to have to disagree. Many times, players will use a synching technique, to attract women. It's a deliberate thing. Attracting women may be deliberate (as in, they have a technique), but men don't have the same set of specific criteria that women generally do.
Trialbyfire Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 I've actually heard of that phenomena. Couples who've been married for a while begin to resemble each other. I see that in my family (some of my cousins and their spouses could pass for siblings). I think we certainly pick up some of our SO's habits/traits/mannerisms. Such things are inevitable with LTRs. Same as long-term friendships. You adopt each others mannerisms. Btw, did you ever notice that people and their self-selected pets also tend to look alike?
Ocean-Blue Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Same as long-term friendships. You adopt each others mannerisms. Btw, did you ever notice that people and their self-selected pets also tend to look alike? Yup. It's either that or we see that which we love (things that are familiar) in others/pets. I could swear that our family dog is starting look more and more like one of the family.
Trialbyfire Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Attracting women may be deliberate (as in, they have a technique), but men don't have the same set of specific criteria that women generally do. I don't disagree with your analysis, especially the part about men having subconscious criteria.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 I don't disagree with your analysis, especially the part about men having subconscious criteria. Yeah. I think they go through each woman and sort of weed them out...one by one. But they never realize that there are working with an underlying list of prerequisites.
Author uniqueone Posted November 10, 2007 Author Posted November 10, 2007 I've actually heard of that phenomena. Couples who've been married for a while begin to resemble each other. I see that in my family (some of my cousins and their spouses could pass for siblings). I think we certainly pick up some of our SO's habits/traits/mannerisms. Such things are inevitable with LTRs. Actually I think it's the reverse. We're drawn to those who are familiar to us. I was really attracted to this guy a few years ago. Anyway the situation was bad news and I tried to keep my mind off of him and stay away from him. One day I ran into him and our eyes met and it dawned on me that he had eyes just like my dad. In fact, he did this thing where he tilted his head while he was walking and looked upwards with his eyes (instead of raising his head---kind of like Princess Diana). And my dad did that same thing.....and so do I. (btw, my dad had recently passed away at the time) So the point I'm making is......I think we're drawn to those who are familiar to us both in certain features and in certain mannerisms. And after a couple is with each other for awhile, I think this becomes even MORE pronounced.
Trialbyfire Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Yeah. I think they go through each woman and sort of weed them out...one by one. But they never realize that there are working with an underlying list of prerequisites. There is usually one conscious criteria. Is she hawt?
Ocean-Blue Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Actually I think it's the reverse. We're drawn to those who are familiar to us. I was really attracted to this guy a few years ago. Anyway the situation was bad news and I tried to keep my mind off of him and stay away from him. One day I ran into him and our eyes met and it dawned on me that he had eyes just like my dad. In fact, he did this thing where he tilted his head while he was walking and looked upwards with his eyes (instead of raising his head---kind of like Princess Diana). And my dad did that same thing.....and so do I. (btw, my dad had recently passed away at the time) So the point I'm making is......I think we're drawn to those who are familiar to us both in certain features and in certain mannerisms. And after a couple is with each other for awhile, I think this becomes even MORE pronounced. I think we pick up mannerisms over time if we're with someone for a while. That goes without saying. Kinda like how teens pick up lingo (you can't help but escape certain things). But I do agree with wanting something familiar. TOTALLY! I find this to be true in my own life. I've had more chemistry with a man who looks familiar than with one who looked different. Not sure if that makes sense...but I am more attracted to that which I'm comfortable with. They say that people "fall in love" with those who resemble the faces they saw as babies.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 There is usually one conscious criteria. Is she hawt? Yup, hawt. While it differs from man to man (what hawt entails) it usually includes boobies, bum, slim but curvy and doesn't talk a lot. Anything more than that and it's just gravy.
Trialbyfire Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Yup, hawt. While it differs from man to man (what hawt entails) it usually includes boobies, bum, slim but curvy and doesn't talk a lot. Anything more than that and it's just gravy. Arms, legs and head are definitely gravy.
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