Where to Meet Intelligent Men

[uniqueone]

I haven't read the entire thread but I am sure it turned into a train-wreck complete with accusations of shallowness around page 2.

 

I'll try and make this constructive advice. I think there is a far greater concentration of IQed men online than in your local grocery store. With that said, the higher your standard the harder they are to find. What I noticed works is finding people you have online conversations and debates with, rather than exchanging e-mails through matchmaking sites. As such, forums (political, issue-driven forums not necessarily LS:)) and chatrooms can be a better environment although that is only help if your main criteria is intelligence not if your other criteria are equally important and they could benefit from seeing a picture and reading the stats matchmaking sites provide.

 

That's a good idea. One problem with that is that most likely they aren't local but otherwise, excellent idea.

[pollywag]

I agree she's more like you than me...

 

Each person bears responsibility for themselves. If they pickup someone unsuitable off the street without getting to know them better, they deserve whatever outcome happens to them...like...if the man is married or is psychotic.

 

Waiting for prince charming is ridiculous. Understanding yourself is a much better way to address the issue and accepting responsibility for your own choices in life, instead of blaming the big, bad world, is a more healthy approach to life, in my opinion.

 

 

Oh gimmme a break! This whole concept that you must know someone inside out before you date them is brought on by internet dating. The reason people are so damned picky now a days is because of the concept instilled by internet dating. Just look at any profile online people wanting to know EVERYTHING about another human being before they even meet. HUH!?!!? Have we all gone crazy or what? Since when do have to walk around with a neon sign flashing our whole pasts and indiosyncrisies on top of our heads in order to be deemed good enough to date!?!?

 

50 yrs ago people met off the street or at the store or at a restaurant or solcial event period, there was no "knowing before hand" what a person was like. People took their chances on chemistry and worked from there, basically the way animals do it. You see something you like you go for it and build from there. That's what dating is for to suss out who you are dealing with, you are not supposed to know everything about someone before you date them so what are you talking about "take responsibility!?!"

 

Now a days some women expect a poor guy to sign an affidavit of his past and future goals and what he is truly about before she will even date him. WTF!?!? Poor guys no wonder some men are so turned off by the whole dating thing. Love is taking chances, it is very basic,. You take a chance on chemistry and build from there. There is no "trying to pick the perfect mate and then date them" no wonder everyone complains they are single and there a no good people out there, they sit around waiting for this all encompassing MR Perfect that has to proove himself before he even had a bloody first date with a woman. Talk about psychosis....

 

 

Yeah I'll date a guy I meet on the street, so what? professional reliable responsble decent people walk the streets. It is no different than meeting the same guy through a friend. My friend could hype up a man to no means but he could still have a horrible past and personality which she never got to see, so why hold out for the perfect scenario to meet the ideal guy!?!? Every time you leave your house is an opportunity for love ot happen that is how I see it at least.... I don't adhere to that nonsense of it hast to be here or there or else I won't date him. If it feels right go for it.

[scratch]

It's sounds cool. You have to dress up really fancy though? I don't have fancy stuff.

How did you get motivated to do this alone? I have a hard time getting motivated to get all fixed up and do something like that alone.

 

And the hospital part......I don't know if I can handle that. It's possible that I could try to but I'm trying to forget someone and that would be a constant reminder.

 

Pardon me if this is beating a dead horse, but this came up while I was writing the last one. These are examples of things people see as excuses.

 

Did you seriously just dismiss the idea of meeting people at fundraisers because you don't have "fancy stuff?" Yet you want to meet intelligent, well-rounded, athletic men in their forties? Even if such a man is a generally casual guy, he'll have the ability to circulate in upper class settings. If you don't have that ability, chances are you're beneath him socially.

[uniqueone]

Haha, aww! Well, maybe you could find something to do that combines fitness and winter? Like ice skating or something?

 

I personally LOVE winter and summer... I like extreme weather. Fall and spring bore me. haha

 

 

I DO go ice skating at times but by myself . I've rarely been able to get people to go with me. It's either :

 

"But I haven't done that since I was a kid." to which my response is "Oh yeah? Well....better get crackin then....."

 

OR

 

"But it makes my ankles hurt." to which my response is "Looks like you'd better start working on those ankles then...."

 

I sorta don't let people get by with excuses.......

 

So I've either gone with a railing hugger or gone by myself. But no one's ever approached me except for the occasional small talk. It's usually parents with kids there or couples cutely holding hands. The guys with kids might be single but it's not that easy for them to continue the flirtation when their kid's with them.

[BeautifulMusic]

Pardon me if this is beating a dead horse, but this came up while I was writing the last one. These are examples of things people see as excuses.

 

Did you seriously just dismiss the idea of meeting people at fundraisers because you don't have "fancy stuff?" Yet you want to meet intelligent, well-rounded, athletic men in their forties? Even if such a man is a generally casual guy, he'll have the ability to circulate in upper class settings. If you don't have that ability, chances are you're beneath him socially.

 

Actually, it sounded to me like a suggestion that intrigued her so she was asking more about it to find out if it would work well for her. And if she decides it's not something she wants to do, that's her decision. Why do you care?

 

We can offer advice on here, but that doesn't mean people have to take it! And you don't have to be rude about it. She's just looking for new ideas of places to meet people. If she's tried certain things in the past and they haven't worked and she doesn't want to try them again, she has every right to decide that.

[BeautifulMusic]

Pardon me if this is beating a dead horse, but this came up while I was writing the last one. These are examples of things people see as excuses.

 

Did you seriously just dismiss the idea of meeting people at fundraisers because you don't have "fancy stuff?" Yet you want to meet intelligent, well-rounded, athletic men in their forties? Even if such a man is a generally casual guy, he'll have the ability to circulate in upper class settings. If you don't have that ability, chances are you're beneath him socially.

 

Actually, it sounded to me like a suggestion that intrigued her so she was asking more about it to find out if it would work well for her. And if she decides it's not something she wants to do, that's her decision. Why do you care?

 

We can offer advice on here, but that doesn't mean people have to take it! And you don't have to be rude about it. She's just looking for new ideas of places to meet people. If she's tried certain things in the past and they haven't worked and she doesn't want to try them again, she has every right to decide that.

[Trialbyfire]

Oh gimmme a break! This whole concept that you must know someone inside out before you date them is brought on by internet dating. The reason people are so damned picky now a days is because of the concept instilled by internet dating. Just look at any profile online people wanting to know EVERYTHING about another human being before they even meet. HUH!?!!? Have we all gone crazy or what? Since when do have to walk around with a neon sign flashing our whole pasts and indiosyncrisies on top of our heads in order to be deemed good enough to date!?!?

 

50 yrs ago people met off the street or at the store or at a restaurant or solcial event period, there was no "knowing before hand" what a person was like. People took their chances on chemistry and worked from there, basically the way animals do it. You see something you like you go for it and build from there. That's what dating is for to suss out who you are dealing with, you are not supposed to know everything about someone before you date them so what are you talking about "take responsibility!?!"

 

Now a days some women expect a poor guy to sign an affidavit of his past and future goals and what he is truly about before she will even date him. WTF!?!? Poor guys no wonder some men are so turned off by the whole dating thing. Love is taking chances, it is very basic,. You take a chance on chemistry and build from there. There is no "trying to pick the perfect mate and then date them" no wonder everyone complains they are single and there a no good people out there, they sit around waiting for this all encompassing MR Perfect that has to proove himself before he even had a bloody first date with a woman. Talk about psychosis....

 

 

Yeah I'll date a guy I meet on the street, so what? professional reliable responsble decent people walk the streets. It is no different than meeting the same guy through a friend. My friend could hype up a man to no means but he could still have a horrible past and personality which she never got to see, so why hold out for the perfect scenario to meet the ideal guy!?!? Every time you leave your house is an opportunity for love ot happen that is how I see it at least.... I don't adhere to that nonsense of it hast to be here or there or else I won't date him. If it feels right go for it.

So...it's now it's the internet and society's fault that people are picky? Would you suggest that the OP pick up some Tom, Dick or Henrietta off the street because she needs to lower her standards and date anything that comes along?

[pollywag]

It's sounds cool. You have to dress up really fancy though? I don't have fancy stuff.

How did you get motivated to do this alone? I have a hard time getting motivated to get all fixed up and do something like that alone.

 

And the hospital part......I don't know if I can handle that. It's possible that I could try to but I'm trying to forget someone and that would be a constant reminder.

 

 

 

Ok that's fair so don't do hospital pick an non profit organization.

 

Also I picked hospital charity gala events because it sort of conisides with my career it was more to network for my profession that I started doing it and as it turned out I realised it was a great way to meet single men. Also I like lavish parties and events I love putting on a cocktail dress and socializing. Yes I did it alone, I am an extrovert and yeah I suppose at first it was a little intimidating going to these things alone but you work with the other commitee members and you make acquaintences fast, I did at least.

 

Lastly the other thing I wanted to mention is, it doesn't have to be gala events you work on a lot of the hospitals do physical atcivity charities as well. I worked on a few runs for Cancer marathons and city walks as well. So you meet a whole different type of people through that as well.

 

I think you hear hospital and thing "doctorsm surgeons and nurses" well it;s not like that sure the hospital people are involved but these are events for everyone in your city so it attracts people from your city.

 

My point was more that if you want to use vlounteering as a means to meet people then try to get involved in social commitees working on events, it doesn matter what the event is or whom it's for, ok fine you prefer non-hospital then go to an organization that you like and do volunteer for them on their social commitee. I gave the hospital as an example because that was my experience but there are all sorts of non profits to choose from.

[BeautifulMusic]

BeautifulMusic - so am I, I'm glad you see where I'm coming from on that.

 

I've talked to girls like you described and left without the number, sometimes because I know I'll run into them again (small town) or because I'm not sure I'm interested, or sometimes because I think that even if I call, she won't call back or won't set a date. Had that happen a few times recently, kinda puzzles me.

 

That makes sense! It just came as a surprise at the moment. I was like, uhh... bye? haha

 

And then the other night I met a guy at a concert and we ended up talking after the show for like half an hour and we had fun. He asked me and my friend what we were doing the next day, so I think he wanted to see one of us again, I'm not sure which, but the conversation got derailed before we could really answer. Ah well, he was from out of state anyway... I just wish I had gotten some contact info from him so I could at least stay in touch with him because we had fun talking! But I am so shy about that stuff...

[scratch]

Actually, it sounded to me like a suggestion that intrigued her so she was asking more about it to find out if it would work well for her. And if she decides it's not something she wants to do, that's her decision. Why do you care?

 

We can offer advice on here, but that doesn't mean people have to take it! And you don't have to be rude about it. She's just looking for new ideas of places to meet people. If she's tried certain things in the past and they haven't worked and she doesn't want to try them again, she has every right to decide that.

 

You are right, she was asking for more information. It's unfortunate that her first instinct was to try to find a reason it wouldn't work, especially a superficial one, instead of a reason why it would work. And that goes back to the crux of the advice I offered - be proactive and figure out a way to make things work.

 

If you want to do something fitness-related and charitable, try http://www.teamintraining.org/. I participated in the DC chapter a while back and it was very social.

[pollywag]

So...it's now it's the internet and society's fault that people are picky? Would you suggest that the OP pick up some Tom, Dick or Henrietta off the street because she needs to lower her standards and date anything that comes along?

 

 

 

You can be picky after you meet a person but what's the point of being picky about how you meet a person? You just narrowing your chances at meeting someone that could be exactly right for you.

 

Again, if you trust your instincts and have a good sense for people and are self confident enough to take a person trying to talk to you as nothing more than just a person using their social abilities to spark up a connection, then meeting someone sitting next to you on the train to work is no different than meeting that same person who happens to be one of the speakers at at a seminar for "Globalization and the Corportation"

 

The more hangups you have about meeting people the more you close your chances to exposure. People check each other out all the time in public places but it is such a taboo to approach someone publicly that people are intimidated and see this as a way to attract psychos, when it should be the most natural way of meeting a potential mate.

 

As if meeting someone in the perfect circumstance or avenue will guarantee a perfect relationship potential!! We all know it doesn't.

 

If you can't tell the difference between a homeless person who talks to himself because he is a parnoid shizophrenic and a man who is riding home from work, then probably meeting a man on the train is not the best avenue for you.

[pollywag]

It's unfortunate that her first instinct was to try to find a reason it wouldn't work, especially a superficial one, instead of a reason why it would work. And that goes back to the crux of the advice I offered - be proactive and figure out a way to make things work.

 

.

 

I sort of agree with Scratch on this one, sorry Unique. I see you are doing this as well. I hope you are just asking questions and not looking to shoot down every single suggested put forth here because it sort of does look like you dismiss pretty much everything

 

I agree with Scratch when he says you have to put your best foot forth and try to look at the upside of how you can make a situation work for you. Granted there will be things you know for a fact will NOT appeal to you, and that's fine you can definitely rule them out but other things that you are on the fence on at least entertain the thought before you rule them out you might be surprised what you discover about yourself and what you like.

[Trialbyfire]

You can be picky after you meet a person but what's the point of being picky about how you meet a person? You just narrowing your chances at meeting someone that could be exactly right for you.

 

Again, if you trust your instincts and have a good sense for people and are self confident enough to take a person trying to talk to you as nothing more than just a person using their social abilities to spark up a connection, then meeting someone sitting next to you on the train to work is no different than meeting that same person who happens to be one of the speakers at at a seminar for "Globalization and the Corportation"

 

The more hangups you have about meeting people the more you close your chances to exposure. People check each other out all the time in public places but it is such a taboo to approach someone publicly that people are intimidated and see this as a way to attract psychos, when it should be the most natural way of meeting a potential mate.

 

As if meeting someone in the perfect circumstance or avenue will guarantee a perfect relationship potential!! We all know it doesn't.

 

If you can't tell the difference between a homeless person who talks to himself because he is a parnoid shizophrenic and a man who is riding home from work, then probably meeting a man on the train is not the best avenue for you.

Not everyone is comfortable picking strange people up. It's only common sense that you meet people who you can verify to ensure they're not previously attached aka married man or committed man, or axe murderer.

 

I'm more than willing to accept that I can't judge everyone, just by looking at them or chatting with them, for a few minutes. Can you? It's pretty arrogant to assume you can, if so...

 

Odds are, your chances of meeting a non-axe murderer is much better, if a good friend recommends them, although there's no method that's bullet-proof.

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Since when do have to walk around with a neon sign flashing our whole pasts and indiosyncrisies on top of our heads in order to be deemed good enough to date!?!?

 

Excellent post pollywag

 

Ariadne

[pollywag]

Not everyone is comfortable picking strange people up. It's only common sense that you meet people who you can verify to ensure they're not previously attached aka married man or committed man, or axe murderer.

 

I'm more than willing to accept that I can't judge everyone, just by looking at them or chatting with them, for a few minutes. Can you? It's pretty arrogant to assume you can, if so...

 

Odds are, your chances of meeting a non-axe murderer is much better, if a good friend recommends them, although there's no method that's bullet-proof.

 

 

Did I say you can know everything about a person just by talking to them once? Or did I say give someone chance to talk to you even if it's not in a conventional place to meet? I dont think you are actually understanding what I am saying.

 

Sorry but to this day I have yet to meet an "axe murder" let alone a murderer or any sort or dispicable character simply because he had the guts to approach me in a "non-conventional" way. what nonsense!!

 

Poor men, now a poor guy is an axe murdere because he finds you attractive and tries to spark up conversation with you LOL

I feel for you guys with women like this thinking of you in this way in a lowly mannner just because you try to talk to them.

 

"Affidavit anyone"?

 

 

I'll stick to listening to my instincts and people with hangups can stick to their hangups. I think life is too short for hangups.

[Trialbyfire]

Did I say you can know everything about a person just by talking to them once? Or did I say give someone chance to talk to you even if it's not in a conventional place to meet? I dont think you are actually understanding what I am saying.

 

Sorry but to this day I have yet to meet an "axe murder" let alone a murderer or any sort or dispicable character simply because he had the guts to approach me in a "non-conventional" way. what nonsense!!

 

Poor men, now a poor guy is an axe murdere because he finds you attractive and tries to spark up conversation with you LOL

I feel for you guys with women like this thinking of you in this way in a lowly mannner just because you try to talk to them.

 

"Affidavit anyone"?

 

 

I'll stick to listening to my instincts and people with hangups can stick to their hangups. I think life is too short for hangups.

I talk to strangers all the time. I just don't choose to pick them up or allow myself to be picked up. As a petite woman, you can't be too careful. You might be a larger woman, therefore have less to be concerned about.

 

Myself, I feel that you can't be too careful...

[pollywag]

Hey,

 

Since when do have to walk around with a neon sign flashing our whole pasts and indiosyncrisies on top of our heads in order to be deemed good enough to date!?!?

 

Excellent post pollywag

 

Ariadne

 

Thanks Ariadne.

 

Talk about arrogance I see some people need a signed agreement from a stranger about their pasts and character traits just to spark up friendly conversation. If that's not taking yourself waaaay too seriously I don't know what is!?!

[pollywag]

I talk to strangers all the time. I just don't choose to pick them up or allow myself to be picked up. As a petite woman, you can't be too careful. You might be a larger woman, therefore have less to be concerned about.

 

Myself, I feel that you can't be too careful...

 

 

Well I guess that is distinctly where we part company. I don't walk around thinking the world is out to get to me. I tend to trust people until they give me a reason not to trust them.

 

That doesn't mean I am not selective in whom I get to know, but I don't rule people out just because I automatlically assume someone is going to do me wrong.

How can people live life like that having such little faith in humanity as a whole?

 

And can you please explain to me what being petite has to do with the price of tea in china????????? LOL

[Trialbyfire]

That doesn't mean I am not selective in whom I get to know, but I don't rule people out just because I automatlically assume someone is going to do me wrong.

This makes no sense at all. We are talking about dating material and finding places to meet intelligent men.

And can you please explain to me what being petite has to do with the price of tea in china????????? LOL

As a small woman, you need to take a few extra precautions. Once again, common sense dictates this because picking strange men up, intelligent or otherwise, you aren't as strong as someone who's much larger.

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Talk about arrogance I see some people need a signed agreement from a stranger about their pasts and character traits just to spark up friendly conversation. If that's not taking yourself waaaay too seriously I don't know what is!?!

 

Yeah, I know what you mean.

 

But still, if I were to meet some guy like that (random stranger talking to me etc), I'd unfortunately stick to the old cliche of all the good ones are taken.

 

Which has happened to the case for the most part... . And be on the watch out for "what's the catch" with this guy.

 

But hey, you never know..

 

Ariadne

[pollywag]

This makes no sense at all. We are talking about dating material and finding places to meet intelligent men.

 

As a small woman, you need to take a few extra precautions. Once again, common sense dictates this because picking strange men up, intelligent or otherwise, you aren't as strong as someone who's much larger.

 

Again, what does being petite have to do with anything?

 

 

You can meet a guy in a public place and take his number and get to know him like that, without him evern knowing your number where you live or anything you don't want to disclose before you get to know him. It's no different than meeting a guy at an event. You still call the shots and can take all the precautions you would with a guy you met in your typical comfort zone places.

 

No one is saying invite him back to your house so that he can rape you.

 

Again common sense plays a big part in this, if you lack common sense then this is clearly a risky choice for you. You should wait on your kiester for Mr Perfect with a perfect past and perfect personality to come magically to your doorstep.

[pollywag]

Hey,

 

Talk about arrogance I see some people need a signed agreement from a stranger about their pasts and character traits just to spark up friendly conversation. If that's not taking yourself waaaay too seriously I don't know what is!?!

 

Yeah, I know what you mean.

 

But still, if I were to meet some guy like that (random stranger talking to me etc), I'd unfortunately stick to the old cliche of all the good ones are taken.

 

Which has happened to the case for the most part... . And be on the watch out for "what's the catch" with this guy.

 

But hey, you never know..

 

Ariadne

 

Ok fair enough some people just can't get past the means of how they met. But at least you have to admit that's your hangup, not his lack of good character that makes him out to be the villain. If you see all men that take interest in you as "what's the catch with him"then is that really the poor guy's downfall?

[Alexandra]

That's a good idea. One problem with that is that most likely they aren't local but otherwise, excellent idea.

 

Well yes, I guess that's a good point. Distance hasn't been a factor for me and the other people that were successful through this method. With that said, I met my (current:)) Prince Charming as such and he's local (my current definition of "local" that changed for another PC met years ago on a forum). In fact, strike what I said initially about finding out less beforehand this way, with the exception of maybe the picture (although people do use them as their avatars as you know) one can tell a lot about a person through nothing more than the basic stats a forum profile provides along with the writing style and the opinions expressed on it.

[Trialbyfire]

Again, what does being petite have to do with anything?

Strength to body weight, size, length of limbs, all of it. Common sense.

 

You can meet a guy in a public place and take his number and get to know him like that, without him evern knowing your number where you live or anything you don't want to disclose before you get to know him. It's no different than meeting a guy at an event. You still call the shots and can take all the precautions you would with a guy you met in your typical comfort zone places.

 

No one is saying invite him back to your house so that he can rape you.

 

Again common sense plays a big part in this, if you lack common sense then this is clearly a risky choice for you. You should wait on your kiester for Mr Perfect with a perfect past and perfect personality to come magically to your doorstep.

Rape can happen anywhere, whether it be a dark corner in a public place, anywhere.

 

Here's our the main difference. I don't chase men. It's very old-school thinking and it has only served me well, in that I prefer a man who's assertive enough to pursue. Shy or non-assertive men do nothing for me, intelligent or otherwise. MM or previously committed men do nothing for me, hence why it's important to me that people can vouch for them.

 

OP, I do recommend that you expand your social network. Once you have this in place, you won't need to find places to meet men, it will happen more naturally.

[pollywag]

Well yes, I guess that's a good point. Distance hasn't been a factor for me and the other people that were successful through this method. With that said, I met my (current:)) Prince Charming as such and he's local (my current definition of "local" that changed for another PC met years ago on a forum). In fact, strike what I said initially about finding out less beforehand this way, with the exception of maybe the picture (although people do use them as their avatars as you know) one can tell a lot about a person through nothing more than the basic stats a forum profile provides along with the writing style and the opinions expressed on it.

 

Actually, I would beg to differ. You can know exactly the same amout of information about someone online on a forum as you would a perfect stranger. Some people just take on other personas online and the true people behind the profile could be entirely different. Some people just like to say what is generally accepted by the masses when in actuality they are not like that at all. It's all a risk if you really to choose to see it that way.

 

Are you the "glass half empty" type of person or "half full"?

 

I think it boils down to perception and preconceived notions, if you set your preconceived notions to see someone in a forum as a safe bet on getting to know them, then guess what? you could end up meeting a dispicable character and not even know it, simply because you trained yourself to believe that meeting someone in a forum is safe and ok.

 

It's all so subjective...