Author uniqueone Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 It's interesting that you say this. Women get lambasted for being too picky while men don't. I don't necessarily buy the argument that the older you get, the less picky you should be. In fact, shouldn't it be that you SHOULD be pickier...after all, time and experience help you determine precisely what it is like that you like and what you can do without. Some people settle, others choose to continue seeking a particular kind of mate. Who is more likely to be happier? We can't say conclusively either way, can we? LOL...that is so funny that you said this because I was just thinking this very thing OB. It's like if women are picky, people (esp. men) start acting like "boy who in the heck do they think they are?" and they usually throw in the age thing too as if, if a woman is older, she should settle for less. (sorry...not THIS woman....and my dates have gotten higher in caliber as I've gotten older too). I think that the men who do that aren't secure in their OWN dating life and they're reflecting it in their replies. They are usually guys who women didn't go for ..for some reason or another and so it makes them mad when they hear a woman being choosy because it reminds them of their own situation or past situations. There are men out there that become hostile when women aren't choosing them. They might even be shy, quiet guys but deep down they become hostile towards women because they feel deprived of women's affections and when they see a woman being choosy about who she dates, it triggers their insecurities and they lash out at her. I dismiss people like that because I know that it is just a reflection of their own issues that they are not handling in a mature and productive manner.
Phateless Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 LOL...that is so funny that you said this because I was just thinking this very thing OB. It's like if women are picky, people (esp. men) start acting like "boy who in the heck do they think they are?" and they usually throw in the age thing too as if, if a woman is older, she should settle for less. (sorry...not THIS woman....and my dates have gotten higher in caliber as I've gotten older too). I think that the men who do that aren't secure in their OWN dating life and they're reflecting it in their replies. They are usually guys who women didn't go for ..for some reason or another and so it makes them mad when they hear a woman being choosy because it reminds them of their own situation or past situations. There are men out there that become hostile when women aren't choosing them. They might even be shy, quiet guys but deep down they become hostile towards women because they feel deprived of women's affections and when they see a woman being choosy about who she dates, it triggers their insecurities and they lash out at her. I dismiss people like that because I know that it is just a reflection of their own issues that they are not handling in a mature and productive manner. You have a point in some cases. As for myself, I'm merely trying to be pragmatic and solve the puzzle.
Author uniqueone Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 I think her criteria are not unreasonable, but she must recognize that they are quite a lot to ask all together. The point about the scope of possible candidates growing smaller as time goes on is very true, and when you apply the list, well... the odds drop significantly. I am honestly puzzled that she did not see fit to respond to my suggestion about doing the approaching instead of relying solely on being approached. That seriously hurt her credibility in my eyes. Think about it... if SHE'S doing the approaching, SHE'S controlling who she talks to. What guarantee does she have that her ideal man will approach her? In addition to that long list of criteria, we should add "-the man must approach her." No, this is not a personal attack, I'm merely trying to point out that if UniqeOne starts taking some of the burden of approaching upon herself, she might easily double her odds by doubling her opportunities. I am honestly just trying to be helpful here. I could be wrong but I think I gave you my reasons for not approaching, did I not? Let's go with the fact that I did.....(I haven't gone back and checked....) Why is it that you can't value what I've stated then ? Not only that, but I've based it on years of experience. Yes, that would be years. So what makes it so difficult for you to accept that it could be valid? Why can't you accept that I have EXPERIENCE doing it both ways? Oh and I disagree with your point about the possible candidates getting to be less as time goes on. One word: DIVORCE. It's not like people get married for life anymore. There are always new ones available. I have one now that has been emailing me for months off and on and I figured I'd finally write back to him. He'd love for me to move to California. Hey, at least I might go visit....I could use a vacation. He's met one person off the personals in the last six months.....why? because he's picky. He liked the woman but she has kids and while he figures he can stay friends with her, he knows she can't move. Anyway my point is, there are plenty in the older crowd. Plus I get plenty of younger guys contacting me as well so I don't see a problem with the creek running dry.
Phateless Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 I could be wrong but I think I gave you my reasons for not approaching, did I not? Let's go with the fact that I did.....(I haven't gone back and checked....) Why is it that you can't value what I've stated then ? Not only that, but I've based it on years of experience. Yes, that would be years. So what makes it so difficult for you to accept that it could be valid? Why can't you accept that I have EXPERIENCE doing it both ways? Oh and I disagree with your point about the possible candidates getting to be less as time goes on. One word: DIVORCE. It's not like people get married for life anymore. There are always new ones available. I have one now that has been emailing me for months off and on and I figured I'd finally write back to him. He'd love for me to move to California. Hey, at least I might go visit....I could use a vacation. He's met one person off the personals in the last six months.....why? because he's picky. He liked the woman but she has kids and while he figures he can stay friends with her, he knows she can't move. Anyway my point is, there are plenty in the older crowd. Plus I get plenty of younger guys contacting me as well so I don't see a problem with the creek running dry. Your reasons - you did mention earlier that you had previously explained, but did not care to elaborate, so I never saw those reasons for myself. DIVORCE - Touche!!! Excellent point, I hadn't thought of that.
Timberlane Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 I DO go ice skating at times but by myself . I've rarely been able to get people to go with me. Awww, what a bummer! I went to visit someone in Utah that I met online and we went ice skating. I hadn't been since I was a kid. By the time I got the hang of it, I was the one that wanted to stay out and skate more. But you're right, it was mostly teenagers and parents with their kids.
Author uniqueone Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 It's got nothing to do with being selective. It has to do with finding a mirror image of herself, interests, everything. Notice that she's not interested in hearing about anything...eg. the photographer that was referenced. Looks like you read only part of things TBF...... If a guy is interested in a woman.....it'd be nice if he says a few words to her instead of just sending her some photos of Mars (or wherever it was). Don'tcha think??? If you ALSO recall from my post, I said that I had been in a funk and hadn't felt like really dealing with any of it anyway. Did you miss that part? (and I have a VERY, VERY good reason for the funk which I will NOT go into on this forum) So you see...it's not to kind or wise to assume you know what it's all about and go about judging people. And TBF, you probably wouldn't give a guy like that the time of day anyway. At least *I* responded to him and explained things to him. I don't think you would have ever acknowledged a guy like that in the first place.
Author uniqueone Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 Your reasons - you did mention earlier that you had previously explained, but did not care to elaborate, so I never saw those reasons for myself. I know I explained it in depth either in a post on this thread or on my other thread. DIVORCE - Touche!!! Excellent point, I hadn't thought of that. Yep...it's a whole new world you haven't been exposed to yet. Here's a little fun thing I like to do....... Ok...I get to know a guy and start to like him and go out with him. In the beginning he tells me why he and his wife got divorced. Usually I'm all on his side....."OMG....I can't believe she did that!" After I get to know him a bit, I start to see things that make me say "Hmmmm......" Let's say we have a conflict...let's say he did something unkind to me. He shuts himself off...or worse yet, he gets cold (remember....I've dated some jerks, ok?) I try to talk to him about things but it doesn't do any good. Next day he's all acting like nothing happened and is talking about a movie he wants to see. This is when I say "Hmmmmm......I wonder if his wife tried to resolve their conflicts in their marriage and this what happened until she finally gave up. Yep....cute little game, ain't it?
Phateless Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 I know I explained it in depth either in a post on this thread or on my other thread. Yep...it's a whole new world you haven't been exposed to yet. Here's a little fun thing I like to do....... Ok...I get to know a guy and start to like him and go out with him. In the beginning he tells me why he and his wife got divorced. Usually I'm all on his side....."OMG....I can't believe she did that!" After I get to know him a bit, I start to see things that make me say "Hmmmm......" Let's say we have a conflict...let's say he did something unkind to me. He shuts himself off...or worse yet, he gets cold (remember....I've dated some jerks, ok?) I try to talk to him about things but it doesn't do any good. Next day he's all acting like nothing happened and is talking about a movie he wants to see. This is when I say "Hmmmmm......I wonder if his wife tried to resolve their conflicts in their marriage and this what happened until she finally gave up. Yep....cute little game, ain't it? lol, sounds like fun. If it makes you feel any better, after getting out of a 5 year relationship at 25 (i turned 26 shortly afterward) I FEEL like I went through a divorce. My goal is not to experience it, I still believe in the fairy tale. Divorcees are usually damaged goods though, aren't they? All sorts of emotional (and sometimes other) baggage, correct? Well if you would link me to your explanation I would be happy to read it. It's always miffed me that more women don't approach. I respect a woman who's bold enough to do that.
Author uniqueone Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 Oh and it really doesn't help that the guy that I can't get over was brilliant, athletic, witty, etc....... It's making it pretty difficult. I try to tell myself about his bad points ...which were pretty bad....but it doesn't work very well.
Timberlane Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 I try to tell myself about his bad points ...which were pretty bad....but it doesn't work very well. Well at least my ex was anti-social and condescending. Come on, he's got to have some good bad ones.
sumdude Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 lol, sounds like fun. If it makes you feel any better, after getting out of a 5 year relationship at 25 (i turned 26 shortly afterward) I FEEL like I went through a divorce. My goal is not to experience it, I still believe in the fairy tale. Divorcees are usually damaged goods though, aren't they? All sorts of emotional (and sometimes other) baggage, correct? Hmmm... met lots of damaged goods unmarried and under 30 so it's hard to put that out there. However, depending on the circumstances of the divorce and the people involved ... there's likely a bit more scar tissue on the old ticker... but it might make some of us smarter the next time around, if you choose to learn from your experiences.... and a lot more likely to see the flags.. There's another level to a divorce .. not to belittle your pain and experiences. But once you make that big promise and it gets tossed... ugh Add to that financial messes and if you have kids.. lucky for me that wasn't the case..
Author uniqueone Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 Well at least my ex was anti-social and condescending. Come on, he's got to have some good bad ones. He left me stranded thousands of miles away from home because I was upset that he was emailing other women while in the hotel room with me..... When I got a new job after having lost one, he told me what I did for a living wasn't impressive..... While we vacationing (in his area, but thousands of miles away from where I live) prior to my abandonment, I asked him which place he wanted to go to first and he coldly said: "I'm NOT your tour guide". How's that?
sumdude Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 He left me stranded thousands of miles away from home because I was upset that he was emailing other women while in the hotel room with me..... When I got a new job after having lost one, he told me what I did for a living wasn't impressive..... While we vacationing (in his area, but thousands of miles away from where I live) prior to my abandonment, I asked him which place he wanted to go to first and he coldly said: "I'm NOT your tour guide". How's that? Wow, what a tool .. too bad you had to deal with that.
Trialbyfire Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 And TBF, you probably wouldn't give a guy like that the time of day anyway. At least *I* responded to him and explained things to him. I don't think you would have ever acknowledged a guy like that in the first place. Since I don't do online dating, you're right, I wouldn't have been in your position. I'm refusing to date in real life, nevermind bother with a stranger on an online dating site.
Author uniqueone Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 Hmmm... met lots of damaged goods unmarried and under 30 so it's hard to put that out there. However, depending on the circumstances of the divorce and the people involved ... there's likely a bit more scar tissue on the old ticker... but it might make some of us smarter the next time around, if you choose to learn from your experiences.... and a lot more likely to see the flags.. There's another level to a divorce .. not to belittle your pain and experiences. But once you make that big promise and it gets tossed... ugh Add to that financial messes and if you have kids.. lucky for me that wasn't the case.. I think that "damaged goods" is a negative way to look at it. Each experience makes us who we are. From each experience, we learn, grow and find out that we can survive. You might therefore say that those who have "baggage" are stronger. "Damaged goods" is a term often used to describe women. Some men prefer a tabula rasa with which to work with. These are insecure men. They want women that they can shape and mold to their liking. A woman who is already shaped threatens them. When a man has weathered a lot in life, he isn't usually considered "damaged goods". Instead he's considered "experienced" or "a survivor". Don't consider those women "damaged". Consider that they have learned and survived and many times have become wiser. And to make my long post even longer.....what I'm saying reminds me of this song.....just oblige the old lady, ok........ This One's For The Girls This is for all you girls about thirteen High school can be so rough, can be so mean Hold onto, onto your innocense Stand your ground when everybody's giving in This one's for the girls This is for all you girls about twenty-five In little apartments just trying to get by Living on, on dreams and Spaghetti-Os Wondering where your life is gonna go (Chorus:) This one's for the girls Who've ever had a broken heart Who've wished upon a shooting star You're beautiful the way you are This one's for the girls Who love without holding back Who dream with everything they have All around the world This one's for the girls This is for all you girls about forty-two Tossing pennies into the fountain of youth Every laugh, laugh line on your face Made you who you are today (Chorus) Yeah we're all the same inside From one to ninety-nine (Chorus)
Author uniqueone Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 Wow, what a tool .. too bad you had to deal with that. Yeah, unfortunately I'm still not over it.
Author uniqueone Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 Ok, I have to add the video too.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MJwdY6Y0Hw
lhianeaivee Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 well i also got personal messages too like you, most of the guys that find a date on the site are looking pretty girls...grrr.. i hate it when they message me and always sai "hey your pretty,can we go out" it seems that they look for a physical appearance what if i post a an ugly pic will there guys out there ask to go out with me? because most of the time they don read your whole profile i mean whats your likes and dislikes...thats why you probably say that you will lost the interest because he did not know whats your likes and dislikes...hummm but you know what i heard a online dating itzamacth i tried to look at there its quite interesting because guys there were really intellegent they are not just read your profiles but they will ask you wats you interest...why dont you try to go on that site and tell me if whats the output...hope to hear from you...ill be waiting to your reply here... ------------------- mAny thAnkZ! bLuEaNgEL
DutchGuy Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Maybe you could give out your e-mail address in some sort of cryptical description. Or scrambled in a given algorithm.
Author uniqueone Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 well i also got personal messages too like you, most of the guys that find a date on the site are looking pretty girls...grrr.. i hate it when they message me and always sai "hey your pretty,can we go out" it seems that they look for a physical appearance what if i post a an ugly pic will there guys out there ask to go out with me? because most of the time they don read your whole profile i mean whats your likes and dislikes...thats why you probably say that you will lost the interest because he did not know whats your likes and dislikes...hummm but you know what i heard a online dating itzamacth i tried to look at there its quite interesting because guys there were really intellegent they are not just read your profiles but they will ask you wats you interest...why dont you try to go on that site and tell me if whats the output...hope to hear from you...ill be waiting to your reply here... ------------------- mAny thAnkZ! bLuEaNgEL I actually do get men who read my profile and comment in depth on it. I think that older men are more likely to look for more than just looks. Besides, mine is a pretty interesting profile to read....in other words, it's definately not boring.
Author uniqueone Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 Maybe you could give out your e-mail address in some sort of cryptical description. Or scrambled in a given algorithm. Huh???????
DutchGuy Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Huh??????? Exactly. Or in binary... Something like this: [email protected] becomes: 01101101 01100101 @ 01100101 01101101 01100001 01101001 01101100 . 01100011 01101111 01101101 Put that kind of thing under your profile and the intelligent ones will react.
luvmy2ns Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 A few I lost interest after looking at their pictures again (realized they put the "fit" picture up as their main one and their REAL up-to-date picture up as their additional picture...where they've gained about 20 pounds). The guy was cute. Then I noticed in his "additional" photo, he was a good 20 lbs. heavier than his main photo. But it's what's inside that counts, isn't it? I mean, 20 pounds isn't really all that much, is it? Or is that only invalid when you're shopping for a man?
Author uniqueone Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 But it's what's inside that counts, isn't it? I mean, 20 pounds isn't really all that much, is it? Or is that only invalid when you're shopping for a man? Nope...never said it was only what's inside that counts. You're confusing me with another poster. Plus it sounds like you want to argue, which I do not.
scratch Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Exactly. Or in binary... Something like this: [email protected] becomes: 01101101 01100101 @ 01100101 01101101 01100001 01101001 01101100 . 01100011 01101111 01101101 Put that kind of thing under your profile and the intelligent ones will react. Good call. The thing is, while certain men aren't intelligent enough for her, she's able to write guys like you off because "excessively intelligent men have their own set of issues." It's not that she isn't intelligent enough for them. The self-fulfilling prophetical nature of this entire inquiry just tickles me to death.
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