Philbert Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 I came across this forum by accident and thought I'd bring up a topic. Last night I was watching Bionic Woman and the main character's younger (teen aged) sister was wondering if she should call this boy she was interested in. Our bionic heroine gave some big sister advice and very strongly warned her against it. Then later made sure she drove the point home even further. I saw this kind of thing all the time as I was growing up and it always ticked me off. After taking sociology classes in college I realized it's society saying the guy has to ask first. There are a lot of great guys out there who're just too shy to ask, then both potential partners miss out. Any opinions?
Yosef Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 You must have a very good idea of how much I agree with you. I hate when it's up to the guy to do everything and let the girl sit back. I for one am one of those shy guys who feel like a loser because they're afraid to make the first move, and we "KNOW" that the girl wont, so we just forget about the whole thing. I know that's all my fault, but it's just a reason I agree.
JosieMcCoy Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 OH, sometimes I am forward! But I have to admit I can afford to wait for the guy to make the first move!
Author Philbert Posted November 10, 2007 Author Posted November 10, 2007 I know that's all my fault, but it's just a reason I agree. I think part of my point was that it's not entirely your fault.
Yosef Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 I think part of my point was that it's not entirely your fault. Thanks:D It isn't my fault for being shy, you're right, but it partially is my fault for not wanting to change it:confused:
Ocean-Blue Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 I came across this forum by accident and thought I'd bring up a topic. Last night I was watching Bionic Woman and the main character's younger (teen aged) sister was wondering if she should call this boy she was interested in. Our bionic heroine gave some big sister advice and very strongly warned her against it. Then later made sure she drove the point home even further. I saw this kind of thing all the time as I was growing up and it always ticked me off. After taking sociology classes in college I realized it's society saying the guy has to ask first. There are a lot of great guys out there who're just too shy to ask, then both potential partners miss out. Any opinions? I don't usually initiate simply because I'm too shy. When I was younger (teens), I was far more daring. As I've gotten older, the thought of approaching a guy is a bit "hmm". When I get approached, it's very nice. I guess I'm old school. However, I can engage in flirting, etc... It's the actual asking out that I have a problem with. I have gfs who are very forthcoming. They go after what they want without any reservations. Then again, I've never been a dater. So my experience is limited.
Author Philbert Posted November 10, 2007 Author Posted November 10, 2007 When I get approached, it's very nice. I can't tell you how nice it would be if I was approached. I mean really, I can't.
Trialbyfire Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 What I have noticed is that younger women are getting more aggressive about going after what they want. It looks like things are starting to look up for men who prefer to be asked out. Myself, I've never asked a guy out and probably never will. Consider me old-school as well.
Pedigree Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 I can't tell you how nice it would be if I was approached. I mean really, I can't. It's nice, let me tell you that. Back in high school, a girl approached me. We didn't last long but being on the shy side of things, it sure made things easier. Unfortunately I don't think it's going to happen again, though. After taking sociology classes in college I realized it's society saying the guy has to ask first. I don't know about society, but maybe nature is more like it. I mean, you look at how it's always the males in the animal kingdom that has to put in the work to get the female (peacock showing off its tail, cicadas singing, etc.).
Ocean-Blue Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 I don't know about society, but maybe nature is more like it. I mean, you look at how it's always the males in the animal kingdom that has to put in the work to get the female (peacock showing off its tail, cicadas singing, etc.). A lot of it does come down to evolution and biology.
Sean0775 Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 I've never been approached, but then I don't get out much aside from going to work. While some gender defined roles have changed over the years, I don't see that happening with this one. Like others said, it runs deeper than sociology.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Also, keep in mind that women are more likely to initiate if they know the guy a bit better. So it's more probable that a woman would ask her friend out on a date rather than a stranger. So if you want women to approach you, your best bet is to befriend them and then see what happens. It's not very common for a woman to approach a guy she has just met about dating. That's quite rare actually.
Pedigree Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 So if you want women to approach you, your best bet is to befriend them and then see what happens. I wish it was that easy. I've tried it and all I got was a ticket to the dreaded friend zone.
Trialbyfire Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Girls won't ask you out if they don't get to know you, unless you're drop-dead good-looking...
Ocean-Blue Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 I wish it was that easy. I've tried it and all I got was a ticket to the dreaded friend zone. Then there's more to it than the woman not approaching you. You are doing something that lands you in the FZ. Figure out what that is. Also, figure out if you are attracting a certain kind of girl.
Pedigree Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Girls won't ask you out if they don't get to know you Which is certainly something that makes me consider continuing taking the "befriend them" route. Besides which, I usually want to be somewhat familiar with them first as I'm not someone who makes decisions based on first impressions. The girls that I've liked grow on me over a period of time which ranges from weeks to months rather than showing themselves as someone that I would approach within 30 seconds. Unfortunately, by the time I make the approach I'm already in the FZ. Maybe I might try "befriending and see if she asks" instead of "befriending and then I'll ask" that I've been doing.
Trialbyfire Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Which is certainly something that makes me consider continuing taking the "befriend them" route. Besides which, I usually want to be somewhat familiar with them first as I'm not someone who makes decisions based on first impressions. The girls that I've liked grow on me over a period of time which ranges from weeks to months rather than showing themselves as someone that I would approach within 30 seconds. Unfortunately, by the time I make the approach I'm already in the FZ. Maybe I might try "befriending and see if she asks" instead of "befriending and then I'll ask" that I've been doing. If you do this, make sure she knows you're interested in something more, but not in a manner that's too overt. Otherwise, yes, you will be forever placed in the frozen wasteland of the FZ.
blackdood Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 oh i have a good story for this before my girl and i were official i worked up enough courage to ask her to the movies okay. It was supposed to be a double date with her friend and one of my friends..of course my friend couldnt show up leaving me with my girl and her friend so we go into blades of glory cuz thats the movie we picked and my lame ass is sitting there actually watching the movie:o I see my girl and her friend whispering am thinking OH GOD I MUST have something on my face or something ..well next second my girl puts her arm around me and says"since you dont want to be the guy" okay yes i was embarrased am not really the player type but yeah my girl had never been kissed before and she was like determined to get me to kiss her. So a few more minutes of her waiting for me to kiss and she whispers again to her friend finally i got hit with the light and i just whispered in her name in her ear and kissed her:love: Now if your wondering why she doesnt blackmail me its because like i said it was her first kiss so she asked way to many questions ahaha so we both messed up that day but anyways what am saying not all girls are OMG i have to wait for him to make the first move.
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