Phoenix11 Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Ok...so shoot me. I've been out of the dating scene for a long time. So today I replayed in my head why I haven't heard for this guy after what appeared to be a great date. Then I asked my female friend at work what she thought. How could I be so stupid..... First in my post from yesterday I stated how I suggested that we take a break after an ackward lull in the conversation. What I negelected to post was at the beginning of the conversation...he said he had a wonderful time with a beautyful women...me still starried eyed from the night before...decided to log on to the website were we met. I saw he was already online. I got crazed....don't ask me why. So what do I say to him.....I had a great time too, but I can not focus on this relationship if you are still searching for other people.....dumb dumb dumb. It was just one date. What I wanted to say was how much I really liked him and wanted to continue to see him. But no, I had to follow that up with "do you think we should take a break"...no wonder he ran for the hills. I scared him away so bad that he is afraid to take my call, respond to text msg or emails. Is there anyway I can right this wrong? I am completely sick over it...I am not a stalker and consider myself to be very level headed. I just put my foot in my mouth and couldn't get it out. Do you time he will ever call me again?
finallyhappyme Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Ok...so shoot me. I've been out of the dating scene for a long time. So today I replayed in my head why I haven't heard for this guy after what appeared to be a great date. Then I asked my female friend at work what she thought. How could I be so stupid..... First in my post from yesterday I stated how I suggested that we take a break after an ackward lull in the conversation. What I negelected to post was at the beginning of the conversation...he said he had a wonderful time with a beautyful women...me still starried eyed from the night before...decided to log on to the website were we met. I saw he was already online. I got crazed....don't ask me why. So what do I say to him.....I had a great time too, but I can not focus on this relationship if you are still searching for other people.....dumb dumb dumb. It was just one date. What I wanted to say was how much I really liked him and wanted to continue to see him. But no, I had to follow that up with "do you think we should take a break"...no wonder he ran for the hills. I scared him away so bad that he is afraid to take my call, respond to text msg or emails. Is there anyway I can right this wrong? I am completely sick over it...I am not a stalker and consider myself to be very level headed. I just put my foot in my mouth and couldn't get it out. Do you time he will ever call me again? Ouch! But it's ok. lol Def would of made me a little concerned after just one date. The words relationship and Break all in one message after one date!? Kinda Scary. IMO, I would not call, text nor message for a couple of days and let this pass over. The more you call now or try to explain and reach him, he will dodge and just ignore what your saying because he is spooked. I would wait a few days and THEN if you still haven't heard from him, e-mail him with the truth. I have been out of the dating scene for a while and you completely messed up what you were trying to say to him. Tell him that basically you had a great time and would love a second chance to show him how 'level headed' you are. Not in those words but you get me.
Author Phoenix11 Posted November 9, 2007 Author Posted November 9, 2007 Thanks for your reply...I had no idea how wrong what I said was until my friend broke it down for me. She asked if I was crazy....lol. She told me any guy or gal would run for cover after hearing that. I didn't realize...I was filled with emotions.....still reeling from the night before, and steaming because he was still on the site just one day after we met. I should not have let that bother me....heck I signed on too. I don't think he will ever call me again....he's a straight lace type of guy. I just want to make this right, but don't know how.
latefragment Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 please don't beat yourself up too much about this. when i was new to the dating scene i pulled a lot of dumb moves, like calling the guy a couple times before giving him a chance to call me back, and whatever... it was because I was new to dating and filled with emotions. unfortunately or fortunately, however you want to look at it, you get a little more experienced and learn.
mishy Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 I feel so full of empathy for you. I recently started seeing a guy that i met on a dating site as well, and he also still looks on the website. I know that crazy feeling that you are talking about. I havent said anything to him about it, but only because somehow i could see what would happen. Thing is- he will be thinking " well SHE was on there too!!" He might also feel as though you got on to check if he is on!! he also might have been on there just to cancel his account. Anyway, I agree with the others it will pass, and you really really have to do your best not to make any contact. If he is worth his salt, and likes you enough in the first place, as it sounds like he does, then he will get over it. I think the only way to undo this is to take a big step back and do NC and see what happens. I would totally leave it up to him. if you call, you are going to reek of desperation, and sound like it over the phone. You cant undo this with words, only silence. Believe me I know how hard these things are.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Ok...so shoot me. I've been out of the dating scene for a long time. So today I replayed in my head why I haven't heard for this guy after what appeared to be a great date. Then I asked my female friend at work what she thought. How could I be so stupid..... First in my post from yesterday I stated how I suggested that we take a break after an ackward lull in the conversation. What I negelected to post was at the beginning of the conversation...he said he had a wonderful time with a beautyful women...me still starried eyed from the night before...decided to log on to the website were we met. I saw he was already online. I got crazed....don't ask me why. So what do I say to him.....I had a great time too, but I can not focus on this relationship if you are still searching for other people.....dumb dumb dumb. It was just one date. What I wanted to say was how much I really liked him and wanted to continue to see him. But no, I had to follow that up with "do you think we should take a break"...no wonder he ran for the hills. I scared him away so bad that he is afraid to take my call, respond to text msg or emails. Is there anyway I can right this wrong? I am completely sick over it...I am not a stalker and consider myself to be very level headed. I just put my foot in my mouth and couldn't get it out. Do you time he will ever call me again? Yes, what you said to him was a bit much considering the very short nature of your dating... However, he's being a child. You've made attempts to contact him and he refuses to hear you. So just move on. He's a big baby if he can't stop and listen to what you have to say.
Trialbyfire Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Why bother explaining yourself to him? If he's interested, he will contact you again. If he doesn't, consider it his loss. Either way, I wouldn't waste anymore concern over a dine and dasher. Remember, there are over 3.3 billion men on this Earth.
Author Phoenix11 Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 Ok...it's been a week since I last spoke with this guy, and still no contact. Unfortunately I am feeling just as bad a week later. What I said had to be a monumental blunder and I so much want to make it right. Time mends all wounds....baloney...I'm still hurting just as bad. I'm not chasing, I'm not explaining, but I want him back...I really do. If I stick to my guns, do you think he will ever call again? If I sound desperate...it's just a momentary laspe:rolleyes:
sumdude Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Ok...it's been a week since I last spoke with this guy, and still no contact. Unfortunately I am feeling just as bad a week later. What I said had to be a monumental blunder and I so much want to make it right. Time mends all wounds....baloney...I'm still hurting just as bad. I'm not chasing, I'm not explaining, but I want him back...I really do. If I stick to my guns, do you think he will ever call again? If I sound desperate...it's just a momentary laspe:rolleyes: Well.. one got away. Keep fishing, the next one could be even better and you'll forget all about this one.
Leahh Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 I'd shoot him a down to the point email... Something almost exactly like what you wrote here: Hey ____. I just wanted to kind of explain a comment I made to you a week ago that I feel like I said inaccurately, causing an extreme misinterpretation. I got way ahead of myself and would have really liked to see you again, I had a great time. I was hoping maybe we could give it another shot. If not, just know I didn't entirely mean what I said, if so I'd love to hear from you -You I feel like short, simple things are best. Phoning would be a bad idea IMO.
Kamille Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Ok...it's been a week since I last spoke with this guy, and still no contact. Unfortunately I am feeling just as bad a week later. What I said had to be a monumental blunder and I so much want to make it right. Time mends all wounds....baloney...I'm still hurting just as bad. I'm not chasing, I'm not explaining, but I want him back...I really do. If I stick to my guns, do you think he will ever call again? If I sound desperate...it's just a momentary laspe:rolleyes: I would notch this down to a 'live and learn' lesson and focus on letting it go. I think most of us have one of those persons we scared away because of our actions. I still occasionnally think about my 'guy-that-I -pushed-away' even now that I am mega-super-happy with someone else. But when I think back to my behavior and actions back then, I realised I did it because I wasn't really ready to fall in love. You'll laugh about this some day soon!
uniqueone Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I'd say your number one problem here is the self-blame. And your friend is simply adding to it and I would avoid her comments and not ask for her opinion. Practice saying this: B-I-G....D-E-A-L or better yet...... B-I-G...F-R-I-G-G-'N...D-E-A-L You act like what you did was anathema. It wasn't. It certainly wasn't enough of a faux pas to be met with silence. His silence tells me that either he: can't handle conflict (so why would you want him anyway?) or he wasn't that interested to begin with (don't be fooled by how someone acts on a date) You need to start telling yourself when you make little mistakes...TOO BAD.....we ALL do.....including HIM. And also, something tells me that you're more attracted to him now that he's ignoring you than you were before.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I'd say your number one problem here is the self-blame. And your friend is simply adding to it and I would avoid her comments and not ask for her opinion. Practice saying this: B-I-G....D-E-A-L or better yet...... B-I-G...F-R-I-G-G-'N...D-E-A-L You act like what you did was anathema. It wasn't. It certainly wasn't enough of a faux pas to be met with silence. His silence tells me that either he: can't handle conflict (so why would you want him anyway?) or he wasn't that interested to begin with (don't be fooled by how someone acts on a date) You need to start telling yourself when you make little mistakes...TOO BAD.....we ALL do.....including HIM. And also, something tells me that you're more attracted to him now that he's ignoring you than you were before. We always want that which we cannot have. And the more ardently you pursue him, he'll continue with giving you the cold shoulder. Move on. He's a moron.
Author Phoenix11 Posted November 14, 2007 Author Posted November 14, 2007 Thanks for all of your replies. They have been extremely helpful to me in trying to get thur this past week. I have to pat myself on the back as I have not given in to the temptation of contacting him...(this a.m. I almost texted him a simple "Hi"). Wow, that was close call. I do believe chalking this up to a lesson learned is the best thing to do...but my goosh...he was a great kisser. Haven't experienced someone that good in ages....ooops I digress. Still I can seem to delete him from my IM list. I know I should...I really don't need to torment myself over the "who and "when" he's online thing. But deleting him would be accepting that there is no hope for future contact....
JCD Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 The only way you move forward is if you delete him from your life. If you keep his number around, you will always feel the hope that will keep you from moving on.
D-Lish Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 Hey, we've all done and said silly things during our dating experiences. Yes, the initial confrontation probably scared him off. I think you might have to come to terms with the possibility that he won't make contact. You are doing the right thing by not contacting him. Guys tend to get scared easily (girls too) in the initial stages of dating. It's probable that he was simply scared off by the confrontation. I wouldn't e-mail him explaining anything. Your only chance for recovery is if he contacts you.... and if he does.... you have to make sure to remain calm and aloof. Any attempt from you to make further contact will come off as too desperate... which guys run from.... so play it cool. In the meantime- keep up your search- and learn from this experience! Don't beat yourself up. I can't even tell you how many dumb things I have done in my past when it comes to men.
Author Phoenix11 Posted November 16, 2007 Author Posted November 16, 2007 Ok...so it's been a week and a half. Still I have not contacted him....but I think about him EVERY WAKING MINUTE OF THE DAY! Really..it's that bad. I've tried to move on and explore other options, but nothing feels right. I'm trying to be charming and engaging with other guys while thinking about someone else...(help). Get this...I had a dream this week that I had his baby...YIKES!!!! I'm at a point where I don't understand myself....it's been a long time since I had to deal with rejection and I guess I can't handle it.
elaina Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 I scared off a guy before but he came back (he is a very high quality man!), I have to admit I was surprised and wasn't even hoping for it... I know that sounds weird but I was miffed at him too. I wasn't very nice to him which is why he was ignoring me, but later on I worte a short email to him apologizing for if I had offended him. That's it. I wasn't expecting to hear back from him, and yet he called some days later, I don't really remember. I am not writing this to give you hope, but I don't see any harm in if you want to just apologize for if you offended him, It is a gesture that maybe will give you closure. Please do not do it in order to get him back. He is a person who makes his own decisions and it is scary when another person tries to make decisions for one. If he does, cool. If he doesn't, cool. There are other guys and maybe you would have endured even more emotional pain from him... have you ever thought of that? If you chase a shark, sometimes you might get bitten. Wait for someone who cares enough about you to warrant your emotions, and who isn't a shark, k? Maybe writing an apology SHORT letter will help you see whether he is a shark or whether he is a very caring and wonderful man who you deserve and who deserves you, hmm? dont' be so hard on yourself, k? Get ready for a man who is worth it!
huh Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 While I understand what prompted you to make those comments, they do come off as a huge red flag. It implied you were monitoring his online activity and that you had a certain amount of possessiveness of him (not what you intended, but how it would come across to most people). Maybe it's because I grew up in a family with domestic violence, but anytime I've gotten the possessive/watching like a hawk vibe from a guy online or offline, it freaks me out & I avoid contact with him, blocking him from e-mail, screening calls, etc. If you absolutely can't move on without making one last try, I would suggest e-mailing him with a subject line such as "Do Over" or "Fresh Start". You can explain why you behaved the way you did & make sure to fully acknowledge it was kind of creepy. And that you'd like to start over & try again. And that you'll understand if he's still weirded out by it and will respect his wishes re: any future contact. I would also suggest putting something in about wishing him well in the future whichever course he decides to take.
Author Phoenix11 Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 OK...exactly two weeks today. I was thinking about sending him the following text msg: Hi, Hope you are doing well. Have a great Thanksgiving. Is this too much. Will I sound desperate? Should I not even make contact? I don't want to try to explain myself at this point...it's water under the bridge, besides it would be yet another ackward conversation. I just want to say something "normal" to him. Besides, I'm sure he has moved on and is seeing someone else.
JCD Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Go ahead and send it, that way you will have some closure.
Author Phoenix11 Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 I sent the text just as I stated in my earlier post. I do feel this will be closure. I have also deleted my profile from the site where we met. Working up to deleting him from my IM list. Figure I will focus on the holidays, family and friends for the next couple of months. Moving on day by day....
torranceshipman Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Its worth sending that text, you never know....I went on a few dates with a total hottie recently, but treated him a bit badly and said some things I really regrettd (honestly, I don't know what I was thinking and I really cringed at what I'd said, haha!-what on earth I was thinking I don't know!) and anyway, I thought I'd blown it, we exchanged an awkward email, no contact for a week or 2...then I apologised for the way I'd behaved, not expecting anything back but after a few days we agreed it'd be cool to stay mates, then started trading friendly txts here n there, and now he's asked me out for dinner later this week (-;
Author Phoenix11 Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 Its worth sending that text, you never know....I went on a few dates with a total hottie recently, but treated him a bit badly and said some things I really regrettd (honestly, I don't know what I was thinking and I really cringed at what I'd said, haha!-what on earth I was thinking I don't know!) and anyway, I thought I'd blown it, we exchanged an awkward email, no contact for a week or 2...then I apologised for the way I'd behaved, not expecting anything back but after a few days we agreed it'd be cool to stay mates, then started trading friendly txts here n there, and now he's asked me out for dinner later this week (-; I'm glad things worked out well for you. Unfortunately for me, I don't think things will turn around. I sent the text this morning at 9:30 and haven't heard peep from him yet. I think the difference in our two situations is that your guy did not completely avoid contact with you, such as the case with this guy. I really don't know how a few words via IM can cause such an adverse reaction. Especially when the night before such tender words were whispered. I guess I have the letters S.U.C.K.E.R. scrolled across my forehead. This is crazy...for the past two weeks I've been burying myself in sappy love songs....Corrine Bailey Rae - "Like a Star" brings me to tears every time I hear it, and guess what...I play in over and over and over again. Anyway...I did make alittle more progress this afternoon as I deleted him from my IM list. That bit of craziness has ended.
allina Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I'm sorry but why are you pining away for a guy after ONE date THREE weeks ago? You say that you think about him all day and you're sick over this? If I was this guy I'd see your behavior as scary and obsessive and act like he is. Don't contact him, work on straightening yourself out.
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