kittensmittens Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I can't seem to think about anything other than my failed relationship. I know of no other relief from this agony than him coming back to me. It's all I want. It's all I hope for. I really don't care about anything else. It's pathetic. I realize that he has lied to me. I realize he's with someone new. I realize he's not someone I can ever fully trust, ever again in my life, and I also realize that thoughts of him having been in another woman's arms (and bed) while we were apart, when I never stopped longing for him, will get in the way of my ability to ever feel the same closeness to him that I once felt. These realizations should help me move on, but they only make me sadder, b/c they force me to accept that things will never be the same. That the past is over. All the happy memories I just want to be able to cherish and revel in again will always bring me sadness. There's no cure. It's tearing me apart that he's out there making new memories with someone else. I can't take it. I just want him back. I can't have that and it'll never be the same, but I don't care, I just want him back anyway. I want to prove it all wrong. I can have him. It will be the same. It will be better. The happiness of the past can be relived. I don't even know what I'm hoping for posting this. I really don't. No one, not even me can magically take this pain away. He's the only one. My heart hurts and there's no solution.
slygambler Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I'd copy and paste exactly what you posted to describe how I'm feeling right now. I wish you the best.
Author kittensmittens Posted November 10, 2007 Author Posted November 10, 2007 Thank you. I'm hurting so much right now. After 3 months....I still can't seem to cope with this. I can't stop these thoughts of him with her and this pain is just eating me alive. One minute I go from extreme rage, thinking of all the things he's done to me, how he's better off than me right now, and how I never did tell him where to go, and it's all just so unfair. The next minute, I feel extreme sadness, thinking about how warm, caring, comforting, sensitive, attentive, and witty he was. And the memories are tearing me apart. I can't take this. When will it go away? Will it ever?
Author kittensmittens Posted November 10, 2007 Author Posted November 10, 2007 I had another dream last night that he was with his gf but had feelings for me. We were hanging out together and hugging each other. Arrrgh....why???? I can't take this. I just want to shut my brain off.
MattyTee Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 I don't even know what I'm hoping for posting this. I really don't. No one, not even me can magically take this pain away. He's the only one. My heart hurts and there's no solution. Hey Kitten, I'm sorry you are going through this, it is hard. I am at the three month mark as well (with only about a week of NC). You are absolutely right that there is nothing anyone can say or do that will magically take the pain away, I'm sorry. I know it's horrible to say it but really the only person that can change anything is you. You can't rely on him to take your pain away, you need to take that control back in your life. It's natural to swing between emotions and the healing will just take the time it takes. There are things that you can do to help yourself though. I know you'll have kept hearing this but this is a time for YOU. You need to work on that relationship you have with yourself, you need to start seeing again all the great things that are about you. Even if you don't want to do a little exercise, write down 10 things you like about yourself. If you can't think of anything then start with small things like "I make the best cheesecake in the world!". You can write them here if you like or just in a journal. The other things are probably things you've heard before as well - reading (I can suggest some books if you like), writing (make yourself a journal and let it all out!!! - it helps), exercise (get down to the gym or go for a walk). Little by little as you focus on yourself, the rest will fall into place. How do I know? Well ... I'm going through the same thing. I was with my ex 8 years, we were engaged and now she's moved on to someone else already. It's painful but every day you wake up and say "I can beat this" is another day of strength. You will come out of this an even more incredible woman! Take it, own it ... embrace it Be well
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