bessieboo Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Right, I was with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years. When we first got together, he was way more in to me than I was in to him. He started telling me that he loved me after about about 2 weeks of being together, I didn't say it until we'd been going out for at least 2 months! Then one night he was quite serious with me and said he didn't know where he stood with me and he didn't know how I felt about him bla bla bla. So anyway after that conversation I started to really open up to him. Before I knew it I was completely utterly head over heels for him, and then after about a year of us being together I started to realise that eventually he had started to gain more and more control over our relationship. He used to make me feel quite insecure (which was funny becasue I was always being told I was too good for him). Anyway the relationship continued and we had lived together (renting) and then decided we were going to save to get a mortgage so we both moved back to our parents (rent free) to save. A couple of weeks after I moved back to my Mum's he PHONED me up and dumped me basically. I said to him that I couldn't believe he'd done it by phone and he said that if he had of seen me then he wouldn't have been able to leave me - but too be honest I'm still not sure where this came from. Then 2 weeks later I see him walking down the road with his new girlfriend. I was absolutely heart broken! Now don't get me wrong I am quite a strong person, I haven't contacted him at all since he dumped me, even when I saw him with his new girlfriend. I've been going out with my friends and my sister has been an absolute star The problem is it's nearly been 6 weeks since we split and I can't seem to make myself attracted to other men. I was so loyal to my boyfriend, didn't even look at other men but now I don't know how to start looking at them again. Thing is I actually now can't imagine being as happy with anyone else as I was with him My sister is desperate for me to start dating but I'm just worried that I will be sitting there comparing him to my ex etc Will this feeling ever go away??
lexi29 Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I'm sorry to hear what you are going thru. I went thru something similiar with my bf of 3 yrs. He started dating someone else right away six weeks is not nearly enough time to get over a 5 year relationship! At this point if you start dating you WILL compare everyone to your ex because you haven't had time to truly let go yet. I"ve tried dating (well been on one date since my ex left me six weeks ago, he was a nice guy but I absolutely disliked him probably just because he's not my ex. so if you feel ready to start dating and think it will help you get over your ex then try it but it sounds like you are even halfway done grieving the loss of your ex. Don't be in rush to move on to some new guy so quickly. It actually might not help you get over your ex but may make you miss him even more (what is happening in my case)
OD3 Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 You were together for 5 years and you expect to be over him within 6 weeks? I know what your going through my dear, and there is good news and bad news. Good news: Yes. I can 100% guarantee you will get over him. In fact, its most likely you will meet someone else who you love even MORE and will be the person of your dream. Bad news: This takes ages to get over. My GF cheated on me after 2 years and it totally destroyed me. It took me about 8 months to come right, and even then, it still hurt. You only really get over it when you fall in love again. And its human nature, you will. I thought that my ex was "the one" and wanted to be with her forever. Now, considering the absolutely beautiful and wonderful girl I met about 6 months ago, I cant believe i was even with her before. TIME my dear. thats all it takes. You will be fine, but 6 weeks is nothing to get over a massive relationship of 5 years. I would give yourself a year before you are probably 100% ready for another relationship, but everyone is different, you could be sooner.
qwertyu Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 is that how to get over someone? somehow it seems to me like you can only get over someone when you meet someone new (by new here i dont mean just anyone, like those people get as rebounds but someone you can really click with) i dont want that to happen though. i want to get over my ex by being happy single. but its so hard.. like whenever i see anything related to the idea of romance, i will instantly link it back to him. i mean i guess its understandable since he is the only one i truly love (my first bf & serious) & obviously seeing stuff like that will make me think of him. i hate how my life is right now. i mean im not unhappy to the extent of thinking that life is not worth living but i am not genuinely happy? i feel like life is not perfect w/o him. i just need him to make everything complete. and the worse thing is that I ABSOLUTELY cant even bring myself to watch romantic movies, see couples on the street or things like that becos it just reminds me of the painful past
SunnyLady Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Besiebook you will love again. Its human nature. You might not feel that way yet (its been 6 weeks only). 6weeks is a considerable amount of time but not enough to completely heal like 0D3 pointed out. But i PROMISE you...you will love again. And when he comes along...you won't need to "force" yourself to like him, because interest in him will be generated naturally without too much effort. And when you fall in love again...you look back and say to yourself "wow..i can't believe i ever though i would never love again". Even when you meet someone new, you might compare him a bit, because this is human nature. However you will grow to love this new person for who he turly is. He might be very different from your ex but that won't mattr anymore because you will be in love with "HIM" and not your ex. Once upon a time i was convinced that any guy i liked had to fit within a certain criteria... the criteria of my ex boyfriend. Boy was i wrong. I fell in love with someone who was the complete opposite. At first i didnt like him half as much etc. But as time went on... i fell so hard for him. And it was a blissful relationship which had to end for certain reasons. We are still friends now and im grateful for that experience. But i know im going to meet someone who will never leave... and who i will never leave. Please don't despair. You will love again. I promise you. You remind me of my friend's sister. She had been with someone for 5 years wanted to settle down and get married. But he wanst ready for that and they split. Now she is married to a man who adores her and she is expecting a kid with him. Her ex boyfriend is still breaking hearts out there. And he is distraught by her marraige to someone else. Although he didnt want her then. Qwe...i understand how you feel. These days i watch horror movies only. Lol. You will feel innermost joy in due time. Take it a day at a time. We are in the same position. Im not as happy as i know i can be. But i am happy enough and i am grateful for life and i am anticipating the future events. Getting someone new can facilitate a speedy break up. However it could backfire. My advice is to let life take its natural course. What will be will be. If you find someone you like who wants to be with you, by all means go ahead. However don't go around loking for ANYONE or accept anyone simply because you want a speedy breakup. The fastest way to move on is to find another partner. However the best way to move on, is to heal internally. If course these two methods are interwined, finding someone new can help to heal internally. But if that person is wrong for you and the relationship fizzles out early, you'll be nursing TWO broken hearts. This is why there is need to caution when selecting your next partner. Take Heart. Hope we all feel BEST soon enough. Please post on any feedback. Im still healing so its encouraging to hear of success stories :-))
qwertyu Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 you guys read my post right http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t135363/ well he's back from manila & im hoping he will talk to me cos i thought by going away alone to sort out his thoughts, he might have thought of things to tell me? (he's usually one to keep things to himself though). well anw, im soooo tempted to text him & ask him how's his trip, but should i just wait till he talks to me first? but what if he doesnt as i said, i keep having this gut feeling he misses me. i dont know, but sometimes i do trust my instincts. yet at the same time, maybe im just reading too much into everything, the things he say etc. sigh how do i fight these thoughts?! im currently in the midst of having exams & find it soooo hard to concentrate.
your star Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 hi bessie, i was in a relationship for 6 years and it's now month 5 of the break up. i honestly dont even feel like being in a relationship right now. You have to give your heart some time to heal before you jump in again. everyone is different but if you dont feel up to it, dont worry. you have to take care of yourself...once you do that everything will fall in place like it's suppose to.
Recommended Posts