nottoosure Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I am a 28 yo married female, fairly attractive, and have recently become friends with a coworker at my new job, who is also married, and about 10 years older than me. A few weeks ago we went to a company party and I leaned on his shoulder on the way home. He never made any sort of move on me. Things got a little weird for me I felt maybe that i had made myself a little vulnerable and had a hard time talking with him at work. A couple of work days later, he approached me and said that we needed to talk. He told me that despite the fact he had developed feelings for me the friendship was way more important to him and we didn't want to be cheaters. He did seem kind of nervous when he was talking. My husband is very upset with this other guy because he thinks he's hitting on me, and thinks he has violated the trust and friendship that the coworker and I have started. He says that he's not a nice guy. I think he is a good guy, and don't think he was "making a play" as my husband insists. Is this just innocent or does he have other intentions? What's going on?
Phateless Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 didn't I already respond to this thread? YES! he is...
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 He told me that despite the fact he had developed feelings for me the friendship was way more important to him and we didn't want to be cheaters.Ahh, the old silver-tongued move, "I've developed feelings for you and we MUST not give into them." Oh brother. These liars all read from the same play book.
whichwayisup Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Fact is, reverse psychology...The guy never should have told you he had feelings for you. Whatever innocent friendship was there, is now over so you can't confide in him, or hangout with him at all. Now, he probably took the lead from you as you leaned on his shoulder on the way home from that party. Can I ask why you did that? And, did you tell your husband you leaned against your coworker?
LifesontheUp Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I'm in two minds on this one. My question would be the same as WWIU. Why did you lean on his shoulder? Could this be a case that you are attracted to him and wanted to let him know? I think theres more to this story than what you've told us. How did your husband find out? Did you tell him about this?
whichwayisup Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I look at that as a comfort you feel for him, it may not be sexual, but it's definately a safe feeling...Which isn't good. I mean, what if your husband let his female coworker lean against his shoulder. It's just inappropriate behaviour for a married person, male or female to act like that. That closeness is how intimacy can begin and he obviously felt something a long time ago, and that shoulder lean gave him the green light to open up to you. Big mistake, for both of you. Put your husband's mind at ease and let him know you're going to distance yourself from the coworker. You have to do this, otherwise your husband will doubt you, wonder if it will turn into an affair.
LifesontheUp Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Ok, forget my questions I've just seen the post by your husband.
whichwayisup Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Ok, forget my questions I've just seen the post by your husband. Which post is that?
LifesontheUp Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Which post is that? The one by FeelingBetrayed.
dbtmarley Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Be fair here... Tell your hubby to prepare to get his heart broken.... You like this guy as much as he does you. If you did not and cherished your marriage, you would have stopped him mid sentence. But you did not because you wanted it. You think it's exciting I bet.... gives ya those lil butterflies when you see his car in the parking lot at work in the morning... It's all good though and quite understandable... I think... Keep us updated on how things work out between the two of you... good luck!
whichwayisup Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Okay, I've seen the other thread. It does sound like the same situation. Notoosure, either end your marriage or fix it. Don't go having an emotional or physical affair with your co-worker, that's just dumb and selfish of you! You and the co-worker are BOTH married, and you know better so think of your spouses instead of just yourselves.
LifesontheUp Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Nottoosure - is this some way of you trying to get your husband to believe that nothing is going on so that you can continue with your friendship? Having read what your husband wrote you failed to tell us one very important fact. You have admitted that your feelings have grown stronger for this co-worker. This isn't some innocent play at all by your co-worker. You know full well that he's into you and if you are honest with yourself and your husband you are enjoying the attention of this co-worker more than you will admit too. You leaned on his shoulder for a reason, very likely to see whether the attraction you felt for him was reciprocated. You are playing a dangerous game and your husband has every right to be concerned. End this sillyness now before it goes too far and ends up ruining both marriages.
Bryanp Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 If the roles were reversed and your husband told you another woman had feelings for him at work and his feelings have grown stronger for her in the past few months; what would you think? You are fooling yourself. You like him and wish for him to continue flirting with you. Your husband has every right to be upset with you.
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