hgrace Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I got engage to my boyfriend 5 months ago. we have been dating each other exclusively for a year already. I love him and he is a great guy but I am just not ready to settle down yet. I'll say I am scared of married life, all the responsibilities, the stress. I love the comfort of my single life and its hard for me to exchange it with sleepless, chore full life of kids and a husband. One big reason for me is, I want to change careers, and my fiancee is against that, it's true that I may not be getting the same big paycheck that I have right now with the job that I want to study and do, but my job is very stressful and gets me depress big time. He does not seem to understand that, for him finances are more important than my emotional health, I am not kidding my job will make me go psycho.I also don't like the fact that I can't just decide and do what I want . I love my freedom. I love my fiancee too, I have been single for 7 years before I met him and it's a lonely life. I want to get married but NOT right now and I hope he would be patient with me.
Elyssa Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I love my freedom. I love my fiancee too, I have been single for 7 years before I met him and it's a lonely life. I want to get married but NOT right now and I hope he would be patient with me. So go and tell him just that, but also make sure you know what you're going to answer when he asks "When are you going to be ready?". If there's a goal you want to accomplish before getting married (your change of careers, for instance), or be a certain age, tell him, so he knows what to expect. It is reasonable to ask for time from him, but you must also give him the information he needs to make an informed decision. He might choose not to wait. If kids are an issue and you don't feel ready for motherhood, tell him that as well. Perhaps you could get married but postpone having a child until you feel prepared. Find a compromise that makes both of you happy. -E
OpenBook Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I want to change careers, and my fiancee is against that, it's true that I may not be getting the same big paycheck that I have right now with the job that I want to study and do, but my job is very stressful and gets me depress big time. He does not seem to understand that, for him finances are more important than my emotional health, I am not kidding my job will make me go psycho. This is a great big fat Red Alert warning sign for you. He is not the right guy for you. Any man who doesn't support you in your pursuit of what you love is NOT THE RIGHT GUY FOR YOU. This happened to me. People tried to warn me about this before I got married, and I ignored them. I wish I had listened to them. Don't make the same mistake I did. If you do stay with this man, please please please at least put your foot down FIRMLY, and let him know in no uncertain terms that it is TOTALLY YOUR CALL what career you decide to pursue for yourself, and he has no right to dictate to you what he thinks it should be.
Lyssa Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I'm with OpenBook. I can't be with someone who isn't supportive of me and whatever that involves ME in it. Who on earth would let their SO go through a job that would make them psychotic??
Lauriebell82 Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 So you got engaged after dating for only about 6 months?? I think that's too soon, no wonder you are hesitant. However, if you aren't ready to get married then why did you say yes? That's sort of unfair. Is he pressuring you to get married right away? Do you want to marry him at all? These are questions you are going to have to ask yourself. And I think you need to tell your fiance how you feel. Do you want to be engaged to him, and just wait to get married? Because if that's the case then you could maybe just have a long engagement.
Trialbyfire Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Your career, future and finances are your own responsibilities to take care of. If you can personally afford to change jobs, why would you allow anyone to control your choices? The only reason I could see of him having impact, is that you will be relying on him to take up the financial slack. In this, he definitely has a say. If you're not ready for marriage, do both of you a favour. DON'T get married.
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