Blue Eyed Brain Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 to get over someone you've been with for over 10 years? Live-in or married to?
Scorpio13c Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Hi Blue Eyed, From what i've read, it's approximately 1 year for every 5 years you were in a relationship. I don't think you'll have to go through that amount of time though, it's only a general rule. Scorp
Jmina Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 It depends on *how deeply you were emotionaly involved/in love *your own ability to recover from loss *how long you were both emotionally "checked in" to the the relationship *how attatched you were (people can be very attatched to others but not in love, and still grieve a loss) I heard that it takes about 2 years for a deeply broken heart to heal no matter how long you were with the person. I had strong feelings for my ex since i first met her and then on for about a year before we became a couple and then we were together for just under a year. it has now been 6 months and i still grieve her, miss her, love her. for me it was love at first site and its going to take probably the whole two years or more. and i expect to always be fond of her, and miss her dearly. The hardest part of it is over now, and the hardest part is the first 3 months, i mean hard as in gripping emotional pain, torture to your soul and broken heart, dreams about your ex, etc etc. Now i am back to who i was and more, i am happy again, but i will always miss her and i still cry when i think about how i might never see her again. I think people usually have a deep down hunch that its going to be a either a hard pivotal time they have to go through, or not. Goodluck and keep posting. make this time about you now. it has nothing to do with your ex at all. Jmina
Lizzie60 Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Hi Blue Eyed, From what i've read, it's approximately 1 year for every 5 years you were in a relationship. I don't think you'll have to go through that amount of time though, it's only a general rule. Scorp a general rule? I'd like to see the 'source' of that 'general rule' I don't think there is a rule... it's all a matter of each individual, sooo much to take into consideration..
GuerreroAzteca Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Enforce the "Blubberer's Dozen" rule 1 month for every year in the relationship. i read that on a men's website. Of course there is no rule. Its about how each person is its about how fast you can let go. it has been close to three months for me and I feel pretty good, have bounced back quite quick but the relationship just sucked for the last year of it. it lasted 5.5 years. I still miss the company, but not so much her. if that makes any sense. I'd hate to think how long it would take if you were trully connected, unlike the last year or so of my relationship.
Trialbyfire Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 If you're motivated to let go and use every possible means to ensure for this, you can move on pretty quickly.
Jmina Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 "If you're motivated to let go and use every possible means to ensure for this, you can move on pretty quickly" it is pretty rare for someone who is heartbroken to be very motivted and used all means to ensure to let go of their ex. hense this website. I think if people found the motivation to move on fairly quickly after breakups then there wouldnt be any songs written about heartbreak or poems etc. at the same time i dont disagree with what you are saying, but i think that it is stage you get to after a few months at least of going through many different emotions. Its not the moving on that takes time, that can take a minute or two. its preparing for it. and that is what each person needs to work through the best they can for the best recovery. i wouldnt want to go through it quickly and then come out of it bitter and closed off to love. i would rather go through it for longer and solve every issue that came up and then come out of it a better version of myself with no baggage.
Phateless Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 It's taken me about a year to get over my 5 year relationship... I don't know if that helps?
dbtmarley Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I know in my situation it took about 2 years from my ex wife who I was married to for 10 years. What's up with everyone not able to make it over that 10 year hump? I thought after the 7 year itch everything was suppose to be dandy!
Trialbyfire Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 it is pretty rare for someone who is heartbroken to be very motivted and used all means to ensure to let go of their ex. hense this website. I think if people found the motivation to move on fairly quickly after breakups then there wouldnt be any songs written about heartbreak or poems etc. at the same time i dont disagree with what you are saying, but i think that it is stage you get to after a few months at least of going through many different emotions. Its not the moving on that takes time, that can take a minute or two. its preparing for it. and that is what each person needs to work through the best they can for the best recovery. i wouldnt want to go through it quickly and then come out of it bitter and closed off to love. i would rather go through it for longer and solve every issue that came up and then come out of it a better version of myself with no baggage. You misunderstand me since I didn't define a timeline. I agree that it takes time but not the extended length of time that people tend to take. If someone is out of your life and you make it your first priority to ensure they're permanantly gone, it can only be beneficial for you. People who are stuck in the moment, only continue to hurt themselves worse.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 How long is a piece of string? It depends on your heart, your strength and determination after, your own ability to heal, how healthy your head is, how good your friends/family are at supporting you - and more, so many variables. Have a read of my fav break up & getting healed book "Starting over" in the Men are from Mars Women are from Venus titles. It has lots of useful stuff in there and helped me get my head around alot of things. xxx
serendip Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I think it really depends...there's some people you break up with that you don't give them a second thought then there's some people that touched you so deeply and in profound way that you can never get over them...it's more of a coping with the thought that they will always be in your heart no matter what....you learn to live with that and move on
BrianG Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I think it really depends...there's some people you break up with that you don't give them a second thought then there's some people that touched you so deeply and in profound way that you can never get over them...it's more of a coping with the thought that they will always be in your heart no matter what....you learn to live with that and move on that is beautiful serendip. I could not agree more with the last paragraph. I know i screwed up but i have such a profound love for her over the past 5 years that we were together that i know i will never get over and that i have to learn to live with that even though its so incredibly hard. Because I would love to be friends with her so that i could have the opportunity to put into actions the things i have changed to try and reconcile, but I know it would kill me seeing/knowing she is with someone else. I guess with unconditional love the only thing that is important is that she and I for that matter are happy.
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