jenna20072007 Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I hope someone can shed some light on this. I will try to give you the short version lol. I met my friend about 8 years ago, and at first everything seemed ok. Over the next few years, I began to notice some odd behaviors. There have been a few "life threatening" medical conditions that she has had - at first I believed her, but as I started seeing how she creates drama, I began to think there's more to it than that. She would seem to forget about them and then it would be something else. I also noticed that literally everything was a huge drama. Every time I talked to her, her latest relationship was "a nightmare," her family had turned against her, she was suing her employer for wrongful dismissal...couple this with her freaking out at every small misfortune, calling me all the time... I do accept responsibility for enabling her. I had really low self esteem, and I was scared of being seen as "not nice." So, I would not return her calls right away, keep her at bay with "I'm really busy this week" but still see her and be supportive. Well lo and behold she announces she is moving to another country, meaning I got to take the chicken's way out and wish her well and forget about it. Once she moved, I stopped initiating contact, and sending her the briefest of responses a few weeks or months after she emailed me. To be honest, we talked via email probably 5-10 times over the whole 5 years. Guess what was in my inbox the other day? An email from her saying she is moving back. Okay, I want nothing to do with her. I have come a long way, and I'm working hard on putting myself first! Also, I do worry on some level that one day I or someone I love would bear the brunt of her paranoia ie: she confided in me that she suspected a daycare worker was molesting her daughter, but had no proof (and I did not support that accusation as it was based on her young baby "crying" when he entered the room, I mean come on). That could very well be directed at my husband, or myself, at some time if she got it into her head. My plan is basically to pretty much ignore her as I have been, but I do know that she will be thinking there will be a friendship on some level. I'm prepared to email her with a polite but firm brush off like "to be honest, we've grown apart in the past five years, we've barely talked, and my life has gone in another direction. Between work, family and friends, I am finding it hard to balance anything else." However, part of me thinks that I should be more honest, like "I feel that you have an unusual number of issues, and it's draining" and explain somewhat. I guess I feel like I "owe" her that honesty, even if it means she doesn't seek help, or gets angry. I do believe that she has some sort of attention seeking disorder, it is that far gone. What would you do? Would you do the nice brush off and leave it at that, or be more honest?
norajane Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I would probably try the nice brush off first, then just not respond anymore if she tried to contact me. If you're honest, you'll just become her next 'crisis'. She won't hear what you're trying to tell her.
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