lexi29 Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I've posted my story here before- quick recap- with bf for 3 yrs,left me suddenly with no warning. He ended up dating someone else right away (an ex of his from way back) We were in no contact and he called me two weeks ago. He left HEr and wanted to get back with me. It felt good that he wanted me back, I miss his son so much but decided my ex is better off alone as I dont' want to get close to him and have him break my heart all over again. Well he's really been trying to win me back- sending me flowers, calling, talking about what he did wrong and how much he's missed me. He doesn't even speak to his ex (the girl he dumped me for- as he left her after only dating her 3 short weeks and couldn't stand her). I thought I'd made up my mind that I was done with him. I mean he left me so suddenly and I was miserable and hurt. I finally started to feel like myself again. Then I"m not sure what has happened but this last week I'm just so depressed. Not really missing him or anything but just missing the attention that he gave me. He seems to be the only person these days that acts like he cares about me. In the last week I was supposed to go to dinner with my close friend the other night and she stood me up- no call or anything. We had plans to meet at a certain time and I showed up and she didnt'. Her excuse is that her husband wanted her to go somewhere with him and she forgot to call me. My guy friend called me and asked if his car (old car he fixed up) broke down on his way to work if I could pick him up. I said ok and he said he would call me if he didnt' make it and he would call me if he did make it to work ok. so I knew it would take him 20 minutes to get to work. Well after a half hour and no call I figured he'd made it and just forgot to call. Well I was right but I was annoyed that I had to stay home and wait to see if he was going to call saying the car did break down and he needed me to pick him up. Also my ex (from a long time ago) and I are still friends. He lives a few hours away but we made plans to hang out last weekend when he was going to be in town. (we were going to catch up and see a movie and go to dinner) Well I talked to him a week before and he said he would call on friday to let me know what time to meet him. He never called and I called him and he said sorry but he was going hunting with his dad instead. This upset me because I dont 'have much to fill my time these days and was looking forward to hanging out with a friend. also I found out my parents drove down by where I live to pick up some stuff from a relative but never told me they were in town or stopped to see me (my parents live 2 hours away and I only see them about once a month (I drive up there) but I talk to my mom practically every other day) and to top off my depression now I feel invisible- today at work I was stepped on by a customer (I'm only 5 ft 1 but come on!) and another guy walked right into me as I was going out the door. Like I wasn't even there, didn't say sorry or anything. Also I met a guy who seemed nice and would be fun to hang out with and we'd been emailing eachother back adn forth several times and talking on the phone and we hit it off over the fact that I love camping and outdoorsy stuff and had talked about that. Well we went to meet in person for coffee and it felt like a job interview or something. He was really formal and barely laughed at anything. Didn't even remember what town I lived in (he asked) and he didn't even remember that I liked outdoor stuff (he asked this question even after we'd already talked about how we'd each gone camping at the same place this summer and what fun it had been.) So it felt like he's dating 5 or 6 people or meeting that many people and can't keep us straight. He said he finds me very attractive, funny and cool and wants to go out again but I don't know I"m just turned off that even though he seemed interested as in he was calling me often (few times a day!) he couldn't take the time to remember the basics about me. I know these are all stupid things but I feel so depressed- getting blown off by friends, ignored by people around me, my parents dont' even think i"m important enough to warrant a ten minute visit. I just want to see my ex so badly (and I know that he wants to see me. I want him to hold me and just make me feel like I'm important to someone. I just need some to comfort me. I miss him so much right now.
Author lexi29 Posted November 9, 2007 Author Posted November 9, 2007 Well things are still not going well and I'm trying to resist meeting up with my ex this weekend. The first-date guy is just showing signs that he's an a** as well. I met him on a dating site and when we met for coffee he was asking how the site was working out and I told him I didn' t use it much but got a lot of emails from guys and had some crazy emails. We traded war stories and it was funny. He told me that he hasn't been on the site in over two weeks because he doesnt' have time and he was going to cancel his subscription anyway. I didn't ask for this information and I even mentioned that some of the guys I'd emailed seemed to expect if you were talking to them you shouldn't be talking to anyone else and I told him I thought that was silly because people actually paid to use this online site and they should get to know as many people as possible if thats what they want (I said this before he offered he hadn't been on the site in over two weeks). Well I found out that he emailed a friend of mine two days before we went on our coffee date (using this site) she told me because I pointed out his picture on there to her and she showed me his email. Same email he'd sent me which is sort of understandable that he'd use a generic first email but the fact that he LIED to me about not being on the site in two weeks (and hello you can see when someone was last on there (it will say last active in 24 hours, 3 days, 1 week etc) So at this point I'm really turned off because this guy always talks about what an honest guy he is. maybe I am way too picky and shouldn't be meeting anyone at this point but I"m not getting over my ex by sitting at home with my cats watching tv. I miss him (ex)so much even though I know he's a jerk and he hurt me and some of his behavior is just inexcusable. why do we want things we know are bad for us??
finallyhappyme Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I feel your pain.....I hooked up with my ex after NC..and haven't heard from him in two days!!! Then he JUST calls me at work now and I got all excited just to tell me that the blockbuster movie we rented that day is late and I needed to return it. I'm even worse today than when we broke up. My mom has her bf, my brother is never home he has like 5 gf's, , I don't have friends and the ones I do have are married and have no time to hangout. I have some friends at work but I have to keep it professional with them. Sadly I spend my time here on LS reading other stories and trying to help other people. I know it's hard but your not alone. We just have to be strong. He sold you out and let me guess, like me you stayed home waiting for that phone call, planning YOUR day around what he was going to do. That's not healthy. And that 'dating site guy' OMG he smells like PLAYER! really! I would stray away from that guy.
Tormented Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I know these are all stupid things but I feel so depressed- getting blown off by friends, ignored by people around me, my parents dont' even think i"m important enough to warrant a ten minute visit. I just want to see my ex so badly (and I know that he wants to see me. I want him to hold me and just make me feel like I'm important to someone. I just need some to comfort me. I miss him so much right now. No, Lexi...those are not "stupid things" to feel depressed about. Every human walking the earth right now has a need to feel appreciated and loved. We all have a need and desire to feel connected to others...it's just human nature. I completely understand how you feel and what you're going through as my story is very similar to yours. My ex did the same to me as yours did to you - left for a past ex that he claimed to be over, then promptly dumped her within a month claiming that he "couldn't stand her" and wanted me back in his life. Like you, I initially chose to slam the door on him and move on. Problem was, my circle of friends are either married or in a committed relationship leaving them with little time to "hang out." My family is very dysfunctional and offer no support. My coworkers are good people but not a group that I would ever share my problems with...it's safer to keep it on a professional level. I searched my area for activity groups to join but very little is offered, or at least, nothing I'd be interested in. I tried the dating site thing and met nothing but flakes and players and found myself discouraged by it all. Seems to me that the dating sites provide a "playground" for these type of men and I want no part. Everytime I met up with one, it left me missing my ex even more. In the meantime, my ex continues to contact me which weakens my resolve to stay away from him. And the fact that I have very little support or other activities to focus on makes it that much harder to resist him. It's a vicious cycle, one I have repeated several times with my ex - the "off and on again" syndrome and it's very toxic for my well-being. This time, however, I decided to focus on ME instead of others (friends, family, etc), to find my balance in life...to reach a state of serenity and happiness. In doing so, I found that I suffer from codendency - a disorder that causes us to seek out partners and unhealthy relationships, and unless we get to the root of it and begin the process of healing, we will continue to repeat this vicious cycle. The first step is learning to enjoy your OWN company, to love yourself FIRST. It's a long and lonely road to recovery, but well worth it in the end because it will lead you to a healthier outlook, self-value, and in general, a much happier life as a result. I encourage you to read up on codependency and see if you meet the criteria. I think you'll be surprised at what you find. Please know that you're not alone in your struggle...many of us here are dealing with the same thing and it's SO hard! Chin up, girl! ~T~
Trialbyfire Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 This time, however, I decided to focus on ME instead of others (friends, family, etc), to find my balance in life...to reach a state of serenity and happiness. In doing so, I found that I suffer from codendency - a disorder that causes us to seek out partners and unhealthy relationships, and unless we get to the root of it and begin the process of healing, we will continue to repeat this vicious cycle. The first step is learning to enjoy your OWN company, to love yourself FIRST. It's a long and lonely road to recovery, but well worth it in the end because it will lead you to a healthier outlook, self-value, and in general, a much happier life as a result. I encourage you to read up on codependency and see if you meet the criteria. I think you'll be surprised at what you find. Excellent advice Tormented. Make "you" happy without needing someone else to make you happy.
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