zelda579 Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Hello, well I just wanted to ask if anyone during their relationship always made themselves too available. Maybe even that had to do with a breakup? Well, maybe that happened during my I don't know but after the breakup I told my ex I didn't want to talk to him anymore (did the no contact). We went for like 2-3 months without any contact and after that he came back asking for permission to speak on the phone but never mentioned anything about getting back together. At times he acts like he is still into me and at other times like if nothing. Anyway, I think I'm doing it again of answering the phone each time and I don't want to go there again. Though also a lot of the times that he has called I don't answer his calls but still. What can I do to get my power back and that I'm not there waiting for him? Some answers would be great. Thanks!
amaysngrace Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 So okay you're giving up your time waiting around for this guy WHY? What is so great about him? He treats you like crap. He has you when he wants you but when you want him where is he? And that's okay with you? If I were you the next time he calls if you really must pick it up and speak, the only words I'd say were f*ck off. There's a lot of power in telling an unworthy to f*ck off. Just be sure to say it with a smile.
Ariadne Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Hi, What can I do to get my power back and that I'm not there waiting for him? Some answers would be great. Thanks! Not being afraid of him. Just talk to him like any other human being. Ariadne
SunnyLady Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Yes, just speak to him normally. Don't sound too excited. Don't sound too happy, just be cool and keep the conversations short. And end the convos first! I have been in your shoes, made myself too avaiable and gave in soo much. He had all the power and knew it. Just don't be too receptive but at the same time don't totally ignore him, the idea is to make yourself unpredictable. Once you go form being predictable and transparent to unpreditcable and opaque they start to wonder what's going on. This has happened to me times without number, and you begin to gain the power back.. Think for a second, how you sound during normal conversations etc. And do the opposite.
amaysngrace Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I'm confused by what you two say. Why should she want to be with this guy? She already lets him crap on her and makes her feel bad about herself. Do you think that if she suddenly plays hard to get all that's gonna change? Not likely. He's really not that into her. OP I'd say find someone who treats you like you matter. Don't change yourself for someone else. Change yourself for you. And then next time you will attract a better type of guy. But just to have a boyfriend, any boyfriend, simply for the sake of having a BF is pretty sad IMO. Learn to complete yourself.
SunnyLady Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I'm confused by what you two say. Why should she want to be with this guy? She already lets him crap on her and makes her feel bad about herself. Do you think that if she suddenly plays hard to get all that's gonna change? Not likely. He's really not that into her. OP I'd say find someone who treats you like you matter. Don't change yourself for someone else. Change yourself for you. And then next time you will attract a better type of guy. But just to have a boyfriend, any boyfriend, simply for the sake of having a BF is pretty sad IMO. Learn to complete yourself. I don;t think at this point in time, she is bent on winning him back ( i may be wrong). What i gathered was that her esteem is bruised and she just wants to regain that power. I can relate to how she feels because i have been there. When you give in all in a rship and it ends. And this guy knows how much you loved him...a part of you wants to regain that status hoping it will reignite interest once agaiin. Even if its for the sole purpose of turning him down to having the choice to. But the better part of you, just wants to feel good about your innerself. And in simple words gain that power back. The power of being unpredictable, independent, beautiful etc. Beacuse after giving in so much to a failed rship, yout esteem drops and you begin to feel pathetic and worst of all, you are convicned he feels the same way too! I,e you being pathetic, unattractive and unbearable..and yeah forever pinning for hi. Sometimes you want him to know you have moved on (even if you really hvnt) and you want him to think he has no say or choice in your life anymore without your consent. Its alll aout the power and the upliftment it brings, But i agree with you still...its no good being with someone for the sake of having a boyfriend. He shd be a good boyfriend who respects you. Thanks for that tip
amaysngrace Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I was under the impression that he came back around but didn't mention a relationship but now she wants a relationship and wants to do things differently with HIM. Maybe I'm wrong too. This became a power struggle the moment he came back and she let him. She already had the power in her hands when she broke up with him. All he does is show up, fails to mention a relationship, leaves her confused on if he's into her or not and suddenly all her power is gone. That doesn't sound quite right to me. She should have laid down some ground rules before she ever allowed him back into her life. There is nothing you can do to gain control back here as I see it. You already look desperate by letting him back in after 2-3 months. So the only way to get back the power is to cut him off completely from your life. Because I don't really see how this relationship can go up from here.
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