sedgwick Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 So, I'm back in town and he's here too (or at least he's supposed to be.) We haven't spoken since Aug 28. I've had his phone/emails/myspace blocked since then. I miss him uncontrollably. Since I got home I've pretty much just stayed in bed obsessing on him. Last night I walked past the street where I know he plays music on Wednesday nights and I just stood on the corner, looking at the lights of the venue, knowing we were half a block from each other. I used to go meet him there on Wednesdays and now I can't do that anymore. I just stood there hating myself for not being a musician so that he might still want me. I know logically that people don't forget people they dated for a year, but I've almost totally convinced myself that I am so boring and ugly and inconsequential that he doesn't even remember me. But if he didn't remember me, I could introduce myself to him again, and maybe he'd like me again. This is the kind of thing that runs through my head constantly and just tortures me. It kills me knowing how much he hates me. It kills me that he wasn't waiting on my stoop when I came home. It kills me that I wasn't good enough, smart enough, talented enough, cute enough, sexy enough for him. I feel horrible. All I'm doing since I got home is just lying in bed. Not writing, not doing ANYTHING. I just don't care anymore. I know how pathetic I sound, believe me, I do. But I just wonder how I'm supposed to go on. I've needed to go to the pharmacy three blocks away for three days now and I just can't find it in me to make the trip. I feel like all anyone thinks when they see me is, "There goes that girl who's not a musician." I'm suppposed to turn in a book in two months. I have no idea how I'm going to do it. Nothing seems important without him. Please help...I have to pull myself out of this.
Spinderella Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I don't know if I can help, but I want to try. Saying don't let somebody define you, is just words unless you can feel it. I know how you feel and have felt that way myself before now. In actual fact after alot of reflection I realised that all the reasons I felt I was rejected were not the real reasons at all. Those were things I felt about myself anyway, and they came from somewhere else, not him. I chose to make those the reasons myself, and only I could find the source of that choice and eradicate it. His words were "I want to be with a musician". You hear "You are not talented enough, good enough, cute enough, smart enough, sexy enough..." I do think that in relationships you can make mistakes in how you conduct them and can diminish anothers attraction to you, but I think the reasons that we are rejected are usually not what we make them in our minds.
starlite Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 You are very talented and I am sure beautiful. I think you need to change your mindset from "He's not with me because I Am not a musician" to "He is missing out and not good enough for me. If he doesnt want to be with me because I'm not a musician then he is not worthy of being with me because i am famulous". Ok, too much Sex and the City for me...but I truly believe in what I am writing. You shouldnt have to have a different career for someone to love you or want to be with you. You will find someone fantastic who loves YOU, the writer.
bessieboo Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Was he the one that left you? Don't hide away, why should you? You've done nothing wrong! I klnow everyone says it but you'll be fine and you will get over him Chin up
Author sedgwick Posted November 9, 2007 Author Posted November 9, 2007 Yes, he left me because I'm not a musician. Everything was perfect until the moment he woke up and told me that.
cant let go Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Yes, he left me because I'm not a musician. Everything was perfect until the moment he woke up and told me that. I was convinced for a minute my ex left because I'm not a runner. Ridiculous. I've since realized that he wasn't mature enough to experience true love. Listen to this song sedg... i think it is amazing.
Recommended Posts